Horrible argument, am I being childish or is this something to be concerned about?

[Mulch]

Sorry this may be long winded. Agreed with oh that I will go gym in morning, he'll drop lo off at nursery. Wanted me to get him dressed and ready, got all his stuff out night before. I don't drive he does, its 5mins in car for him 1.5hr for me to drop off and get to work.

Sooo I go gym, him and baby are both asleep. Other half is self employed so comes and goes as he pleases. Night before said he wants to be gone for 7:30. As they're both asleep at 6:50 I just leave. At gym get an angry phone call saying he's leaving soon as I get in, very angry I didn't get him ready.

In the evening I'll be spending 1.5 picking him up and doing his bath, also all the household stuff and my uni work.

He's really angry, I got back just before 8 from gym so would literally not have time to get baby to nursery and work whereas is takes him 5mins. The amount of time he spend arguing on phone he could have got him ready, its just a matter of getting him dressed and in car. This is the only child care he's doing today.

My reaction probably wasn't ideal. I stood in front of door to stop him going, he tries to push me out way. He then says ok get him ready and I'll take him but jumps in car to leave....I then sit in passenger seat and he drives off while we argue leaving baby alone in the house with the door open.

I'm crying telling him his reaction isn't normal, he went round the block but it was scary thinking what could have happened. I know I shouldn't have jumped in car with him but I was really mad that it was all being left to me and I'll never make it to work on time whereas it takes him 5mins and that's the only child related care he's doing that day

I think his realised he was behaving ott so then sat and waited while I got baby ready. It was a horrible argument.

OP I'm sure you're not a shit mum, but standing in the doorway and then sitting in the front seat comes across as a bit of a bully tactic. It sounds like you sort of lost it. Was this a one off type of thing? Or is this how you usually go about resolving issues? If so, maybe the two of you could seek external counselling for the sake of the child.

If my DH had been asleep in bed at 0650 and I knew he wanted to leave by 0730 I'd have woken him before I left for the gym. No way would I have left him and the baby sleeping at that point.

But the rest of it - I agree you both behaved appallingly. He was angry and selfish and you allowed the red mist to come down and just made things worse. You are a truly toxic pairing and need to decide that your DC is your priority and stop endlessly thinking of yourselves.

Op he wont get better. He is training you not to even dare ask him to parent.

He's not. He agreed specific tasks with the OP this morning and she let him down with no notice. I'd be fucked off if my DH did it too. It's not a matter of not wanting to get him dressed, it's that the morning was planned and timed without factoring that in and OP didn't do what she said she would.

If this was the opposite way round and a man had snuck out when he'd promised to dress the baby everybody would be jumping on him.

Not really understanding how it was your responsibility to wake him up. Most people are capable of getting themselves up. Although given that he couldn't even get your child ready himself, I guess not setting an alarm doesn't surprise me.

You shouldn't have agreed to get the baby ready. You were unreasonable not to since you did agree that you would. However agreeing to get the baby ready doesn't mean you agreed to wake him up. Why does he get to laze in bed until the last minute? As for the driving off, well that's just ridiculous and horrible on both your parts.

Your relationship sounds like the bigger issue rather than this one argument.

Why didn't you wake him and get your son ready?

Is it because he is an adult too? Why is she the default childcare and alarm clock?

Him letting you do something for 1:5 hours that takes him 5 mins is at the crux of the issue. It’s downright shocking and would cause deep resentment within any relationship.

Sounds like he is a father but doesn’t want to act like it.

Something had to give and today was it!

I can see why he was angry as you must have agreed to get your baby ready when it was previously discussed but that's no excuse for him behaving like a child and the pair of you leaving the poor baby in the house - hopefully it's shaken you both up and this time you were lucky.

I'm guessing you are very young. Both of you need to grow up ASAP. Disgusting... if this is even real.

Is it because he is an adult too? Why is she the default childcare and alarm clock?

Because she had told him the baby would be dressed and ready to go so he planned accordingly.

Instead he woke up to an unfed, unchanged, undressed baby which meant he needed considerably more time to get out of the house. OP knew that but left without waking them anyway. Because her time is oh so important but her partner can just drop everything with no notice if she decides on a whim not to bother doing what she agreed.

I'd go nuclear if DH did this to me. It's so disrespectful.

"This is a typical MN double standards thread. If a man had not done what he agreed and made a woman late for work plus refused to let her leave the house and tried to stop her from driving away everybody would be screaming abuse"

Ah yeah, I remember all of those threads about women who do absolutely nothing for their own children but drive them the five minutes to the childminders... 🙄

I don’t understand why he can’t get his own baby ready?

I don’t understand how it can take him 5 minutes to get to nursery by car but it takes you 1.5 hours by other means.

A 5 minute car trip on residential roads is about a mile. Even if you’re walking, that’s around 15 minutes.

Why couldn't he get the baby dressed?

That's terrible OP. You both left your baby in the house while you were both in the car?

I think you two seriously need to work out if this relationship can work together, it sounds toxic. Your child deserves to not grow up in this type of environment.

Him letting you do something for 1:5 hours that takes him 5 mins is at the crux of the issue

He's not 'letting' or making her do anything. The nursery is 5 minutes from the house it would take either of them 5 minutes. But because OP has a longer commute she feels that even if she caused the lateness he should take the fall.

She's not saying it will take her 1.5 hours to get to the nursery, just that her regular commute is 1.5 hours.

I think a little perspective is needed on the driving off. He was the one driving, they are not equally bad for it. OP got in the car to stop him driving off in a strop, I don't think she thought he'd do it.

Ah yeah, I remember all of those threads about women who do absolutely nothing for their own children but drive them the five minutes to the childminders..

Where has the OP said he does nothing? In fact on the other thread she says they take it in turns to do things for him. And she only works 2 days, of course she will do more childcare!

It is absolute MN double standards. If a man agreed to do something and then sneaked off making his partner late and then tried to stop her leaving the house everyone would be screaming abuse! But when a woman does it it's okay?

If my DH promised to do something and didn't damn straight he would be the one late for work and not me.

Where has the OP said he does nothing? In fact on the other thread she says they take it in turns to do things for him. And she only works 2 days, of course she will do more childcare!

here:

This is the only child care he's doing today.

I am unsure of a few things here.
A) why is the OH not capable of dressing the baby?
B) why is the OH not capable of setting his own alarm to get up?

Umm...

"Agreed with oh that I will go gym in morning, he'll drop lo off at nursery. Wanted me to get him dressed and ready, got all his stuff out night before"

"In the evening I'll be spending 1.5 picking him up and doing his bath, also all the household stuff and my uni work."

"I work 3 days a week, he doesn't live with us so I do the majority of child care"

Honestly you both should be ashamed of your behaviour this morning.

You agreed to get the baby ready but didn't bother.

You knew what time he was leaving and that you were leaving him with extra work to do that he wasn't aware of (getting baby ready) but left him sleeping anyway.
He should have just got the baby ready and spoke to you later.
When he called you while at the gym, you ignored what had been said and finished your session instead of coming back to do what you'd agreed to do.
The whole getting into the car and driving off incident is gobsmacking on both your parts, it really is.
It should go without saying that the violence is totally unacceptable too.

Is this typical of how you both usually behave?

The guy is a jerk. presumably that is why he doesn't live with you.
In fairness you should have prepared baby as agreed. & woken him up as you were leaving saying, the baby's ready, & awake, your turn.
The gym is not a priority,
I'm sure you only sat in the car, as you assumed he wouldn't drive off. in fairness, He knew driving off with you in the car was leaving baby alone., & driving off meant you would be late for work.
He is a selfish shit.

This is the only child care he's doing today.

That doesn't equal doing 'nothing' ever. In fact from the OPs other post we should just assume it's the OPs turn to put him to bed and he will do it tomorrow.

The OP agreed to do something and sneaked out without doing it because she was running late and dumped it on him despite knowing it would make him late. She thinks he should be late even when it's her fault.

I know you feel bad, please don't over think. We all get a shit stick to wave around at some point and we're none of us perfect. You had no intention of leaving yr baby, it was taken out of yr hands. At least now you know how volatile it can get between you, that's a good starting point to learn how to stop. Good luck.

Is it really so weird for partners to wake eachother up if they have slept through their alarm ?
It sounds like op and her DH had to be up at the same time . Why when she woke up up didn't she wake him if he wasn't waking with the alarm ? Presumably they were in the same bed . Very weird .
If my oh left me to sleep when he knew I needed to be up , I would be furious ( especially if he pissed off to the gym when he said he would get the baby ready for me). But then we wouldn't do that to eachother because we are a partnership and not squabbling children.

I haven't read the other thread, eltonjohn. Could you stick a link up - I'm very willing to have my mind changed :)