Horrible argument, am I being childish or is this something to be concerned about?

[Mulch]

Sorry this may be long winded. Agreed with oh that I will go gym in morning, he'll drop lo off at nursery. Wanted me to get him dressed and ready, got all his stuff out night before. I don't drive he does, its 5mins in car for him 1.5hr for me to drop off and get to work.

Sooo I go gym, him and baby are both asleep. Other half is self employed so comes and goes as he pleases. Night before said he wants to be gone for 7:30. As they're both asleep at 6:50 I just leave. At gym get an angry phone call saying he's leaving soon as I get in, very angry I didn't get him ready.

In the evening I'll be spending 1.5 picking him up and doing his bath, also all the household stuff and my uni work.

He's really angry, I got back just before 8 from gym so would literally not have time to get baby to nursery and work whereas is takes him 5mins. The amount of time he spend arguing on phone he could have got him ready, its just a matter of getting him dressed and in car. This is the only child care he's doing today.

My reaction probably wasn't ideal. I stood in front of door to stop him going, he tries to push me out way. He then says ok get him ready and I'll take him but jumps in car to leave....I then sit in passenger seat and he drives off while we argue leaving baby alone in the house with the door open.

I'm crying telling him his reaction isn't normal, he went round the block but it was scary thinking what could have happened. I know I shouldn't have jumped in car with him but I was really mad that it was all being left to me and I'll never make it to work on time whereas it takes him 5mins and that's the only child related care he's doing that day

I think his realised he was behaving ott so then sat and waited while I got baby ready. It was a horrible argument.

You had no intention of leaving yr baby, it was taken out of yr hands

OP decided to leave her baby to get into the car. OP is not blameless!

Beyond, none of that means 'nothing'. She's working part time so she's with the baby more. They take it in turns to bath him and put him to bed.

Turning what the OP said into 'he does nothing for his child' is bullshit. In fact she does say he helps a lot when she is knackered from her commute.

Use advanced search.

The thing that puzzles me, is that knowing that Op had gone to the gym and failed dress baby as agreed, why didn't he just dress the baby and leave instead of doing nothing and waiting for her to return to dress baby? Surely he just made himself even later?

OP are you working three days with a 1.5 hour commute both ways, while he's working five days with a five minute commute? Have I interpreted that correctly? Point being, are you away from home for about equal hours?

You should have got the baby ready if that's what you had agreed.
Why don't you start a mature discussion with an apology for that and then a 'we seriously need to work on our relationship to make sure this doesn't happen again'. What is your plan?

He does help but alway comes with negotiations when he's at mine. He offers to take the baby to his though and he had him all day Sunday. During that time I got him ready in the morning before he left and put him to bed.

Journey time, it's around 45mins walking, then I drop pram off with a relative as I can't leave it at nursery that's another 15mins then to go to work which is 30mins away.

He was asleep when I left then called/messaging 30mins after I left. Then took me 30mins for me to get back I thought he could have got him dressed and gone during that time instead of waiting for me to take over.

I'm guessing you are very young

Hey. Less of that. I know fabulous young parents and a few terrible older parents. Perhaps you are 'guessing' wrong. Perhaps not. But it's irrelevant here

Doess he ever have him overnight?

On a side issue, can I suggest you learn to drive, asap?

Well parenting does involve negotiation!

You left at 6:50 and they were sleeping. Even if he woke up that very second it would have left him with 40 minutes to dress and feed himself and a baby which is cutting it very fine. As it was you knew he was getting up later and wouldn't have time to do it all and get out when he wanted.

Basically the up and down of it is that you got up too late to do the part of parenting you'd agreed to do. So instead of ditching the gym because you'd got up late or waking him to tell him he'd need to get the baby ready you sneaked out because you thought you'd leverage the longer time it took you to do the drop off to force him to do it? Right?

So basically you think even when you're the one whose got up late to do things and not bothered to do what was agreed he should be the one to be late?

You don’t live together? That seems unusual if the baby is his, is there a back story here?

The OP says she's at Uni so presumably so his income isn't taken into account for financial support.

No words for leaving your baby alone. No good words, anyway.

Stop treating him like a horrible chore.

Why did you have a child when you both see him as a chore? Arguing over petty shit and putting your child in danger?

If you'd agreed to get him ready you should have done so or woken them.

If you did not agree you should get him ready , then you should have come to another agreement the night before.

Both of you refusing to dress your one year old is beyond appalling.

A bit of the point really but if you are walking for 3 hours a day, you don't really need to go to the gym on those 3 days a week.

You can gym on the days your not working and avoid the situation in the future.

Sorry not more helpful, it's all a bit shocking but we've all made mistakes and raise our voices around the children though we may not like to admit it. 1 year old won't know whats up this time tomorrow, just don't ever leave him alone again.

He does help but alway comes with negotiations when he's at mine.

If it’s his child he isn’t ‘helping’, he’s just doing his share of parenting. Or not.

You should have woken him up if you hadn’t got the baby ready, but he should absolutely not have thrown so much of a sulky tantrum about it. What most people would have done in that situation is got the baby ready themselves and then told you they were annoyed because you’d said you do it and didn’t. Driving off with you in the car and the baby in the house alone is just awful behaviour - he sounds like a child himself. And why is driving 5 mins to nursery the only childcare he’s doing today, anyway?

You don’t sound good for each other at all, and he sounds like he considers the baby to be more your job than his. You need to change the way you handle this for your baby’s sake.

I don't get it,

Did you agree to get the baby ready? If you didn't do it, why didn't you and what did you think would happen?

Why is your child in a nursery which takes you 1 1/2 hours to get to? Isn't there anything closer?

Actually, there's loads more than this that I don't get but this is for starters.

You've posted in AIBU, from this post I would say yes you are.

Awful behaviour from both of you and can't believe you left your baby alone
Learn to drive and choose another time to go to gym and sort your relationship out

I think accusations that OP is treating her baby as a "chore" are deeply unhelpful. What she is treating like a chore is the workload of looking after a grown man who is behaving like a second child. What kind of man throws a tantrum because his wife doesn't "get him ready" in the morning?

When one person can drop a child at a nursery in 5 minutes, and the other person would take 90 minutes to do the same, it's obvious that this task should fall to the former person's share. It's just not reasonable to refuse in those circumstances.

Yes, leaving a baby alone and unattended is not right. OP knows this. But her partner was more in the wrong. It's a sign of how fucked up this relationship is, though.

It all seems over dramatic to me.

Op wanted to go to gym before work.
(I'm thinking that she goes on work days as her son is only in nursery then?)

So what's the big deal with her OH just getting up, getting his own son dressed/fed & dropped off to nursery?

He should be taking his son to nursery all days when Op works if it's the easiest solution. (Maybe that's why he stays over?)

Theres one other nursery that's closer but I wasn't a fan. I do have a licence but can't afford to drive. He is the child's father.

Work is only 15mins away from where I live, if I do nursery run it adds alot of time in the morning so it makes life alot easier if he does it.

He sounds useless and aggressive. He drive around with your door open. This will probably escalate to violence. He obviously resents you getting oltome for yourself.

If he's not living with you, would it be easy to split? Could you manage without him with family support while you finish uni?

Can you look at a childminder instead? That's a lot of messing about, maybe it needs rethinking?

Do you really need to go to the gym when you are walking that much?

Why did you change the expectations without telling him (if that is what you did)?