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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think you don’t send thank you cards if

240 replies

SylviaTietjens · 07/01/2018 10:00

The gifter was present when you opened the gift? We’ve just had pil to stay for 10 days over Christmas and new year. They went home on Tuesday and this morning dh got a text to let him know they hadn’t received thank you cards from dc’s yet.

Dc’s are 5 and 2 but are expected to write a card/ draw picture in order to give thanks for presents that pil watched them open, heard them say thank you for and then watched them play with. I’m a sahm and dh thinks I should have already done this. I’ve sent thank you cards (written by myself with dc1 writing his name in) to relatives that sent presents but pil were there! So they don’t need a thank you card surely?

Please tell me I’m not the only one to think this is madness. And that if dh thinks it is reasonable he can bloody well do it himself.

OP posts:
UnitedKungdom · 09/01/2018 11:00

Go online and buy an absolutely massive all singing, all dancing thank you card with pop ups and music and everything.

Or get a really simple boring on and write 'Dear PIL, thanks for your gifts, from child and child'.

One or the other.

Nitrobetty1 · 09/01/2018 11:15

Llangollen I am absolutely charming & very well mannered. So are my children.
I don’t see the point of thank you letters. They are an anachronism.
Keep writing them though as you obviously feel it makes you a superior being. 🤣

Llangollen · 09/01/2018 11:37

Nitrobetty
yes you are and your posts on here have shown us how well you are Smile

RhiannonOHara · 09/01/2018 11:46

I'm disappointed that you've done it just to keep the peace. IMO if your DH wants them to send a card he can do it with them.
Next time stand your ground!

Scotland32 · 09/01/2018 11:53

YABU. If someone goes to the time and expense of buying a gift they deserve a thank you letter. Makes no difference if they are in the room at time of opening. Simply rude not to write a note. Teaching children to be grateful and say thank you properly is important and too many parents let it slip.

Original poster
SylviaTietjens · 09/01/2018 11:57

Scotland as I’ve said time and again - my dc’s did say thank you at the time. Even my two year old who only has about ten words says thank you at the appropriate time. Then when they were leaving to go home they thanked them for coming and their gifts again. I don’t let manners slip, my children are absolute hooligans but they’re very polite with it.

Anyway, a card has been sent. Thanking them for their gifts and their thank you card and then scribbled on by dc2 so it’s personalised.

OP posts:
berni140 · 09/01/2018 11:57

The world is divided into those who send thank you cards and those who don't/intend to but never get around to it! I'd do it just to keep the peace but roll my eyes a lot as I do;)

Mumto2two · 09/01/2018 12:03

I think it's thoughtful to send thank you cards, but it's certainly odd for them to actually ask! If I receive one, I am grateful, if I don't, I'm not sure I'd even notice?!

Jigglytuff · 09/01/2018 12:04

No that’s crazy. You’re teaching your children good manners - not bonkers levels of obligation.

If your DH wishes to keep up these absurd traditions, that’s up to him. But it is not normal.

Wallywobbles · 09/01/2018 12:34

In our family we all do thank you letters despite being present for opening. Adults and kids alike.

ColdTattyWaitingForSummer · 09/01/2018 13:13

I have to confess that I thought thank you cards were a bit of a hangover from the past.. You received a present in the post and posted a thank you card in return.. Sort of back when it was harder to travel to visit people / not many people had phones or calls were more expensive / there was no electronic communication. I get that they're maybe expected by the much older generation (those in their 80's or 90's rather than 50's or 60's) but I genuinely thought it was a dying tradition. Definitely not being unreasonable when you have thanked them in person and they have just spent time with the dc.
I've also never heard of a thank you card for hosting (I'd obviously take a hostess gift / wine / flowers / choccies / sweets for dc etc, but not send something after the event).

Topseyt · 09/01/2018 13:17

My parents are in their eighties. They don't expect thank you cards, nor do they send them. A phone call is fine. That is what we have always done.

Leigha3 · 09/01/2018 23:44

Who asks for a thank you card anyway? That's just rude.

CorbynsBumFlannel · 10/01/2018 19:01

It's rude and also weird. Surely it's nice to receive a thank you card because someone wants to let you know you're appreciated and they've taken the time to choose, write and send a card.
I can't see how anyone would get joy from a card they've asked for!

Katyb1310 · 10/01/2018 19:04

The only people we send thank you notes to are people we can't either speak to, text or email - which I think takes us down to one.

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