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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want the baby clothes?

323 replies

otterliegorgeous · 06/01/2018 22:08

A neighbour has bagged up three bin bags of baby clothes for our imminent arrival.

The problem is, we are very limited on space. It’s a very small two bedroom property with a small lounge and kitchen, bathroom and one normal size bedroom and one tiny one. The small bedroom fits a single bed and chest of drawers.

Also, I don’t like the clothes. We don’t know if we are having a boy or a girl but we’ve been given clothes for both, and this doesn’t matter but they just aren’t really what I would choose. I don’t really want the house filled with clothes they might wear at 6 months, we have babygros .

Would it be really rude to return them? Blush

OP posts:
squoosh · 07/01/2018 05:50

Not thoughtless in least,probably a spontaneous gesture to be kind

I agree. A neighbour makes a kind (if unnecessary) gesture but only on MN would she be castigated for it.

Celticlassie · 07/01/2018 05:58

OP has come on determined that she isn't being unreasonable. OP were you in when she dropped the bags round? Maybe she would have taken them away had you had the chance to speak to her.

If you're struggling for space, wait till the baby's born. We received loads of clothing gifts, in all sizes up to 18-24 months. Storage has been a challenge! Lovely to be thought of though.

RestingGrinchFace · 07/01/2018 06:00

Just ask her whether she wants them back. If not, then call for a charity collection/free cycle. It really doesn't take too long. You are making more of an issue out of this than you should. Your neighbour was a bit tactless and should have asked whether you wanted them first but then again no sane person would be so offended by this. Ultimately you could just put it all in the bin if you really can't be bothered passing them on to someone. She would have done the same if she didn't think that someone may sometime find them useful so it's really not about her offloading on you. Calm your farm.

Minesril · 07/01/2018 06:42

Leaving 3 bags on a pregnant woman's doorstep without checking first is astonishingly rude. What if you'd tripped over them? You're right, she can't be bothered to get rid and is using you as an excuse. Dump them back on her doorstep (and ignore the posters demanding to know the layout of your house and useability of your loft.)

HuskyMcClusky · 07/01/2018 06:51

Leaving 3 bags on a pregnant woman's doorstep without checking first is astonishingly rude. What if you'd tripped over them?

🙄 She’s pregnant, not blind.

And they’re baby clothes, not steaming dog turds.

ItsNiceItsDifferentItsUnusual · 07/01/2018 06:59

The gesture could have been kind. And it would be nice to think that.

However, I have also seen first hand many friends clamouring to get rid of their baby clothes and actually, kindness isn't really their motivator. They want to get rid of the clothes in the easiest way possible. Understandable, but not always altruistic.

And for the poster who says baby bundles can get decent money second hand. In my experience, they really don't!

givemesteel · 07/01/2018 07:12

If she just left them on your door step then I don't think it is a problem to return them, though I would have done it in person rather than just leaving a note.

But she wasn't using you as a bin, she was being nice...! You sound a bit precious and snobby saying that. I've accepted clothes girl dc I'd never but myself (quite a lot if boy stuff for a girl a start) as it doesn't matter what they wear Alot of the time, in the house / in bed. Once you get out of the pfb stage you gladly accept these donations as it saves a lot of money, as well as being better for the environment.

General point to people, please still give your stained / not good enough to sell baby clothes to charity shops rather than binning. If good enough will go to third world, if not it will still be used for textile recycling, nothing is wasted.

Lucylululu · 07/01/2018 07:33

It would be SO rude and ungrateful to return them.

Vitalogy · 07/01/2018 07:40

She’s pregnant, not blind.And they’re baby clothes, not steaming dog turds. Grin

OP, I think I'd have a sort through for any good stuff, there might be some gems, I'd definitely have a root through. I'd put them on Freecycle then, you don't have to take pictures. I leave Freecycle stuff out on the porch around the time peeps are due to collect, save waiting in or listening out for the door.
The neighbour may have been off loading but then again she could also be being kind/thoughtful.

Crazycatlady123 · 07/01/2018 07:43

OP think you’re getting a few unnecessarily harsh comments now.

I had a similar experience before DD was born with a work colleague. It was with good intentions, but after going through everything and finding how worn or stained everything was I ended up charity shopping the lot it did kinda feel like I was being used as a bin. It was a pain as I didn’t really want any of it anyway as I had so much, and took it out of politeness. DH actually got it all down from her loft and everything! It was a good lesson for me to say no more.

As she only dropped them at your door with a note, you’re well within your right to return them.

ItsNiceItsDifferentItsUnusual · 07/01/2018 07:44

General point to people, please still give your stained / not good enough to sell baby clothes to charity shops rather than binning. If good enough will go to third world, if not it will still be used for textile recycling, nothing is wasted.

@givemesteel is that definitely true? I never know what to do with stained clothes and don't dare give to charity in case they can't use them, and I'm essentially making them sort through poo stained vests for no reason....

Farmerswife36 · 07/01/2018 07:48

You have an excuse for everything . You sound so ungrateful . Just give them to someone who will appreciate them and do it via free cycle or Facebook . It takes minutes to join so no excuse need be made !!!

ToesInWater · 07/01/2018 07:53

I would return the bags to her doorstep with a polite "thank you so much, but I have been inundated with baby things and just don't have the space to store any more" note. Only on MN would people tell you that not taking crap that other people want to get rid of is being ungrateful!

troodiedoo · 07/01/2018 08:01

@ItsNiceItsDifferentItsUnusual I'm fairly sure that's not true. Charity shops want quality saleable stuff. Sorting through crap costs them time and money.

If it's not good enough to sell, either by you or a charity shop, then recycle it yourself.

Slartybartfast · 07/01/2018 08:02

you need to make the loft accessible then.
The loft was always in use with my dc.
summer clothes/winter clothes/hand me downs, particularly if you have more than one child.

make the loft accessible - problem solved.

i had a friend/neighbour come round with bin bags of adults clothes Shock did i ask for them? did i heck.
but baby clothes are something different, and you will need spares

NerrSnerr · 07/01/2018 08:02

Our charity shop takes bags of ‘rags’ that goes for textile recycling. The clothing bins also send things off as rags.

Slartybartfast · 07/01/2018 08:02

sorting does not cost the charity shops, they have an army of volunteers for that. ime

Wineasaurous · 07/01/2018 08:03

Look through them, grab some items that you don't mind or that would be great back up items, return the rest. Just say thank you very much, I've had a look through and picked some really great items. We have a lot of stuff already so I hope you can find a good home for these

norfolkenclue · 07/01/2018 08:07

Do what you want OP...because EVERY SINGLE helpful suggestion on this thread has been met with a negative response from you. You have an excuse for every suggestion...everything! Personally I'd not be keen on a bag of old baby clothes left on my step either, but I'm sure I'd be able to think of dozens of things to do with them without starting a mumsnet thread 🙄

NerrSnerr · 07/01/2018 08:09

I would look through and take anything nice and ask whether she wants the rest back. I’d also look at storage solutions, babies and small children breed stuff. If you can’t fit 3 bin-bags in your house now what will you do with all their stuff?

pullthecracker · 07/01/2018 08:16

If you are going to return them, do it soon. The longer you leave it, the more it will look like you’ve gone through them, not liked them so are returning because you don’t like them rather than not having space.

Halfpastthelegofmyshirt · 07/01/2018 08:18

The clothes I was given that I didn’t like I used as nursery clothes.

Mine always came back from nursery covered in food, paint, glitter, sand, pen...anything you can think of. I wasn’t sending them to nursery in nice clothes!

Differentcorner · 07/01/2018 08:31

I honetly don't think you can give them back but I would take the time to go through them and then ask a member of your family/friend that does drive to take them to charity shop for you

user1471426142 · 07/01/2018 08:38

I agree that some people do use you like a bin. There is a difference between passsing down some carefully selected hand me downs in good condition and dumping 3 bin bags on you to sort.

My neighbour got rid of loads of stuff when I was pregnant and it was totally awkward as she kept nagging me to go round and then when I did she had piles of stuff lined up for me to view and I felt I had to take some of it as she was so insistent (and didn’t want to offend her). I was also worried she secretly wanted me to offer some money for it all but I didn’t want or need any of it especially as lots was suitable for kids that were 5+.

You will need to think about storage though. What will you do when the baby outgrows things? Will you want to keep them for another child?

Original poster
otterliegorgeous · 07/01/2018 08:41

They have been returned Blush

There was nowhere to keep them apart from a pile in the lounge and hall and honestly you couldn’t MOVE.

OP posts: