To not want the baby clothes?

[otterliegorgeous]

A neighbour has bagged up three bin bags of baby clothes for our imminent arrival.

The problem is, we are very limited on space. It’s a very small two bedroom property with a small lounge and kitchen, bathroom and one normal size bedroom and one tiny one. The small bedroom fits a single bed and chest of drawers.

Also, I don’t like the clothes. We don’t know if we are having a boy or a girl but we’ve been given clothes for both, and this doesn’t matter but they just aren’t really what I would choose. I don’t really want the house filled with clothes they might wear at 6 months, we have babygros .

Would it be really rude to return them?

Hmmm maybe could have added a note OP- would it be worth popping round to say “Hey, thanks for letting us take a look through those baby clothes. We’re all set so DH dropped them back, but we appreciated it all the same.” Even if it’s a fib it’ll take the sting out of it for the neighbour- having said that I agree with PP that rather than it being a generous overture, she’s literally cleared space in her own home the easiest way possible without any consideration that it would be welcome.

I think other posters are being really unfair. Firstly, baby clothes are as expensive as you want them to be. If you want to spend £££ on them you certainly can, but Primark and supermarkets have great ranges and if you plan ahead you can get great quality stuff from Mothercare etc in their quarterly sales very cheaply.

I have a very sicky baby and still only have to change her outfit max twice a day on top of her pj/ day time clothes. Because you know what are also available very cheaply? BIBS!

Even if the OP is being particular about her baby being dressed only in new stuff, so what? My family don’t really do hand-me-downs (people keep hold of their own stuff for their own future kids), but I’m the one at home with the baby all day- it might sound fickle to other people, but I’d prefer to dress her in neutral stuff that’s to my taste rather than someone elses’.

I wouldn't be grateful for someone dumping three bin bags of clothes on me either. I have five children, I have had sick babies, I managed perfectly well with a washing machine and didn't need heaps of hand me downs for it.

I appreciated second hand clothing when I was asked and the clothes were appropriate for their age and the weather but I will never be grateful for someone just dumping loads of clothes on me without asking me.

Why the hell should OP be responsible for taking them to charity when she wasn't even asked if she wanted them? Some of the replies here are bonkers.

I loved picking my babies clothing myself. After the first three I did use more second hand clothing but there is nothing wrong if parents want to buy everything new.

OP, you are going to be just fine.

Personally i think you are being extremely rude since your neighbour has went out of her way to sort out the baby stuff that she feels that you could make use of.

Went out of her way? You don't know that. Yeah, she went out of her way putting a snow suit in there when it will be summer before the baby can wear it.

Maybe she didn't go out of her way. Maybe she had a load of clothes she didn't want and dumped them onto the OP because it was easier.

I have had people do that to me before.

Bit rude to leave them, I'd be grateful.

Honestly I'd be wounded if someone gave them back to me or said they didn't want them. Maybe vacuum pack them as you always need more than you think and leave the rest out for a charity collection.

I used to get really cheesesd off with being used as a dumping ground for anything baby related when I was expecting my first. I got all sorts of ripped and stained clothes and broken toys.

But imo you should always smile and thank them, be grateful and sort them out and leave what you don’t need for charity.

With my second, I got a bit smarter and said I’d kept everything from dc1 so didn’t need anything. But again, if they simply turned up with stuff I’d take it and express my gratitude.

I think it’s rude to give it back

Go with Mrshathaway's view. Very sound advice.

I think it's refreshing to come across an OP who doesn't feel all guilt tripped into storing someone else's unwanted crap for years, on the offchance it might be useful.
The neighbour shouldn't have just dumped it on her without asking if she wanted it - they made this a problem for the OP.
I do think that in the spirit of neighbourly relations, you ought to add a note thanking her for the thought and explaining that you are stuffed to the gills already. I eould do this just on case she was genuinrly being thoughtful and not just using your pg as a good excuse not to do a tip run.

As an aside, I had 4 dc and managed to get to the shops when necessary. I think the OP will manage just fine.

I was the recipient of bags of unwanted, worn-out, musty baby clothes, broken toys and manky bottles, chewed teats, scratched plastic bowls and cups.

We were gifted lots of lovely stuff too - but the odd person had no idea what was usable and what was only fit for the bin.

I kept on binning/recycling/re-gifting many items. I wish I had put a stop to some of the generosity from two people. Their children were older and it was an going battle to dispose of all the crap they sent our way for many years. It is hard to remain polite yet refuse to accept it.

I think you've come across as rude, but I understand your actions.

Thank her kindly and ask if she would mind if you went through them and took your pick and passed them along to someone you know who is really tight for cash.
Always important to ask as she may want them back.

Ah, you'll be fine OP. First time motherhood is a massive adjustment but adjust you will because you have to.

My PFB was a dream (looking back) and slept so well from the start. He fed well too after a rocky start. None of mine have been pukers.

We're all different. I just love sorting through bags of old clothes looking for any decent ones and then discarding the rest

I came back from a friend's with literally a carload of baby clothes and had a fine old time sorting them into age, season, keep, don't keep etc. I appreciate I had requested these rather than had them dumped on me.

sounds like I should offer my services....

OP, don’t listen to the horror stories. As soon as I got pregnant they started, to the point where I was feeling I may have made a massive mistake. Pregnant women are infantilised and it’s completey ridiculous - at no other time in adulthood would people think it acceptable to be so condescending. To imply that you’ll never sleep again and you’ll have a screaming baby who can never leave the house and who is sick a million times a day leaving you unable to go on Amazon is unlikely at best and totally ridiculous at worst. I was adamant that I wasn’t going to listen to all the negativity when pregnant and told the worst offender so. Even that was met with derision and a “just you wait”. I can tell you now (DS 6 months) that I’m so glad I stuck to my guns. It’s been fine! I get enough sleep, I love my child very much and haven’t experienced the depression I experienced in pregnancy. Stay on your own path and don’t listen to the scare stories. Not everyone has a monster of a baby!

Oh cool, is this an acceptable thing to do now? I've had a huge clear out with 3 bin bags full of games, clothes and ornaments - so glad to know I can just leave them on the neighbours doorstep with a note. I hope they're grateful for my kindness. :)

Sympathies OP, this happened so many times to me as soon as I announced I was pregnant. One woman literally described how she was emptying drawers into bin bags to give to me! Some of it really manky and stained. My DD does wear a lot of secondhand stuff but it’s stuff I choose myself!

I dealt with it by thanking people and asking what they’d like me to do with anything I couldn’t use - invariably they’d say to pass it on again. So most of it got left out for doorstep clothes recycling (which we are lucky enough to have in this area - might not work so well if the neighbour can see what you’ve put out?!). In your case, as she left it on the doorstep I’d leave it back on her doorstep but put a note through her door thanking her for the kind thought but you already have what you need and no room to store anything.

Once DD was here I’d deal with it by having an idea of what I’d got already in each size and then if someone asked say ‘I only need tights/leggings/t shirts in x size, thank you, would be really grateful for any of those if you have some’. This had the affect of dramatically reducing the amount that appeared.

Good luck! Nip it in the bud now otherwise you’ll waste hours sorting through clothes you don’t actually want.

It’s also a pain trying to remember who passed on what and then making sure your child wears the thing when the other person is likely to see it!

our neighbour did the same, tho knocked on the door with 4 bulging bin bags

we knew were having a girl and their eldest was a girl

we got tons of clothes

i did say thank you, tho we did have lots fr many friends and family, but also said anything thaT WASNT SUITABLE WERE THEY HAPPY I PASSED ALONG, THEY SAID YES

whoops hit caps,tho actually highlights the simplicity of what you culd have done

are there really no nice neutral clothes you could have kept

dd was chicken legs when born, but mixture of booby milk and formula she was in 3/6 at 2mths and 6/9 at 4mths so weather/age can make a diff

fwiw the bag contained some really lovely stuff which we kept and tbh some stuff so not my style, but placed in charity bag and rest offered to a womans refuge

children centres are always grateful for stuff ......

clothes dont really takeup that much space folded and in plastic box,where as high chairs,gyms, bouncers toys etc take up space

I barely spent anything on baby clothes due to hand me downs. However I did take time in sorting it out into ages and what I liked. I dropped loads at charity shops.

My babies didn't mind wearing second hand clothes. They still wear lots of second hand now. It means I have cash for their hobbies.

It's perfectly ok to give expectant mothers bin bags full of second hand baby clothes but ask first and ensure the mother wants them as leaving things on peoples doorsteps without asking first is incredibly rude and presumptuous.

And if you don't want to seem like an utter dick return them with a little note saying 'thank you for thinking of me but these things aren't needed'.

I'm horrified that you've been told such dreadful horror stories about birth that you're dreading it. I remember after my son was born wondering what all the fuss was about as it was so much better than I'd been led to expect.

Please don't dread it, the more relaxed you are, the easier it will be.

Oh FFS people! Someone dumped a bag of shite at someone else's door without asking first, the OP has every right to dump them back.

Not everyone wants or needs hand me downs. She doesn't have to feel obliged to keep them just because other people would!

I would have given them back too OP (although with a note or popped round to say thanks but I have far too much stuff) then let the neighbour get rid of them herself.

And what is this shite about being house bound when the baby comes? Since when does that happen?? I have 3 and was never once not able to go grab a few things or send DP out to get stuff OR as OP has rightly pointed out......she can buy online!

Very ungrateful IMO! They could have given the bags to a cash 4 clothes business. Instead they gave it to you. Why did you not just say no thank you at the time they were handed over?

Perhaps RTFT? They were left on the doorstep.