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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not want the baby clothes?

323 replies

otterliegorgeous · 06/01/2018 22:08

A neighbour has bagged up three bin bags of baby clothes for our imminent arrival.

The problem is, we are very limited on space. It’s a very small two bedroom property with a small lounge and kitchen, bathroom and one normal size bedroom and one tiny one. The small bedroom fits a single bed and chest of drawers.

Also, I don’t like the clothes. We don’t know if we are having a boy or a girl but we’ve been given clothes for both, and this doesn’t matter but they just aren’t really what I would choose. I don’t really want the house filled with clothes they might wear at 6 months, we have babygros .

Would it be really rude to return them?

OP posts:

LaLaLand84 · 08/01/2018 17:32

A lot of people used me as a 'bin' for there old baby clothes! and if i'm honest I did the same with my SIL because it was easier for me to walk to hers than the charity shop! I'd say either get on freecycle and have someone collect on a day and time that suits you or take them to charity, you don't have to do it all in one go - if you know your passing take a bag with you, divide into smaller bags if need be or ask a friend/relative to take them in their car.
Alternatively - you could keep the small clothes (0-6 months)donate the rest. You probably don't realise how much sick/milk/wee/poo will ruin the clothes you've bought! These would be handy spares, all my DS clothes up to 3months were from charity shops, I wasn't spending fortunes on stuff that would be ruined and outgrown in 5 minutes haha

Bimbler · 08/01/2018 17:34

You didn’t even put a ‘thanks but not hanks’ note with the returned things?

Yikes. That was very rude. Well done.

BananaThePoet · 08/01/2018 17:34

Why can't people understand how tiny some houses are?
Our house sounds like it is almost the same as the OPs house.
I can't even buy two for one offers in the supermarket because I cannot store anything extra in the house.
In the end we resorted to keeping our coats and other things in the boot of the car because there simply isn't room in the house.
Our house only has two adults in it.
I remember how much space my baby and their stuff took up and back then we had a much bigger house. I can't imagine how difficult it would be to manage in this weeny house. As it is we call it the Tetris house because in order do anything in the kitchen or any other room we have to move things around in a certain way and it takes a lot of preplanning.

I sympathise totally with the OP - the only way to look after your wellbeing is to make sure the house does not get overly cluttered because if it does it is very hard to keep clean. I've lived in very large houses and now this tiny one and tiny ones are much harder work and need a lot of discipline to keep in order.

lgalla1985 · 08/01/2018 17:48

Personally i think you are being extremely rude since your neighbour has went out of her way to sort out the baby stuff that she feels that you could make use of.
If you don't want the stuff why don't you donate it to a local charity at least this way it can be use by someone who needs/ benefits from it!

vespertillio · 08/01/2018 17:57

OP but what is with your negative attitude to your neighbour? You should definitely drop a thank you card in to her. Who cares what her motivation was? Just be gracious and thank her.

Beezley · 08/01/2018 18:10

Just put them freecycle it takes two mins to join up. There are people out there that would be great full for some help not ungrateful!!!

Catwaving · 08/01/2018 18:10

Bad mistake not writing a note. Whether your neighbour was being generous or was off-loading, your response will appear very passive aggressive.

Very silly move, especially with a neighbour and so unavoidable. OP you seem very unconcerned but you might regret that move for years to come!

ATeardropExplodes · 08/01/2018 18:21

Bad mistake not writing a note. Whether your neighbour was being generous or was off-loading, your response will appear very passive aggressive.

Very silly move, especially with a neighbour and so unavoidable. OP you seem very unconcerned but you might regret that move for years to come!

Give over - for fucks sake.

perfectstorm · 08/01/2018 18:22

It's rude not to ask, absolutely. I've gladly accepted plenty, but always when they asked. I once bought a sleepbag from someone on Ebay - a very good brand - and when it came, she'd sent me two. I messaged her to thank her and explained it was a surprise baby and so her kindness was really helpful... and she messaged me back to say she had a sole late in life baby, and had stacks of clothes for him in near perfect condition, and if I would like them then she was happy to send for postage costs. I offered money and she refused adamantly, so I paid postage and got a huge bag of lovely, neutral baby things. Really, really kind and helpful. Because she asked.

I give hand me downs now, too. They're always things I could sell on in terms of condition/desirability, and I always, always ask. People are appreciative, because they like them. I also say to give back anything they don't want, or to give to charity, whichever is easiest on them, as the last thing a pregnant person needs is to manage someone else's clear-out for them!

YANBU.

Depending on where you live, there are places now that work like food banks for clothes and baby basics for families in terrible financial situations. They get referrals in, and then supply what is needed for the exact age of child in that family. They rely on donations, and for a large one, they may well be happy to collect. If you would be interested in that then it could solve your problem, and help someone else out as well. It's not fair that you need to, though.

Ninjamilo · 08/01/2018 18:23

Well I'm a snob as I would have given them back - I don't want other people's seconds when we're lucky that we can afford to buy what we want new for our baby. I appreciate not everyone can, but while we can we'll make the most of it. So far it really hasn't been expensive, I do think some people exaggerate.

I really don't know why you've got such a hard time here OP, but you did the right thing, although I probably would have left a note when returning them

perfectstorm · 08/01/2018 18:25

Apologies, I missed pages and pages so didn't realise that you had returned them - didn't mean to cancel the cheque.

gamerchick · 08/01/2018 18:37

So far it really hasn't been expensive, I do think some people exaggerate

Heh, is it a bit windy up there on your lofty perch? I imagined your tone of voice and everything down to the sniff.... bravo

WineWednesdays · 08/01/2018 18:43

I dont think you are being rude. I dont mind a bag of hand me downs, but i usually take out a few bits and take the rest to the charity shop. If i didnt drive it would beva pain to get rid of.
We have lived in a small 3 bed with a family of 5 and it was very stressful. I hate clutter.
Please dont let all the negitivity get you down. My advice is don't post on Mumsnet. It always supprises me how unkind people can be.
When the baby is born, you will make friends with other Mum's. You wont be stuck in the house all day everyday and the days that you are stuck in the house is jyst a good oppertunity to hammer through a few boxsets. Netflix got me through the first few months of baby 3.

Bimbler · 08/01/2018 18:46

Get a grip. Of course she's being rude. Returning the items without an accompanying note is really very rude indeed.

But she seems to have a lot of kindred spirits in this thread.

Biblio78 · 08/01/2018 18:50

Invite neighbour round for a cuppa and broach lack of space issue, ask if she's fine with you passing stuff on after you've used it or not. If not give back but she will probably be fine with it, most people are. Donate what you don't want to a local women's refuge. Google women's aid for nearest. They are always in need of clothes, women's and children's. They will be used by women who have had to leave home quickly, go to a new area with no close friends or family, will be much appreciated!

Ninjamilo · 08/01/2018 18:50

@gamerchick quite comfortable, thanks for asking

perfectstorm · 08/01/2018 18:55

Whatever the rights and wrongs, I would pop a thank you note over. They're neighbours, and ill-feeling is always best avoided if remotely possible. Just explain that kind as it is, you have so little space, and people have been really generous, so you have plenty already.

user1471443504 · 08/01/2018 18:55

I think it's rude to offload bags of clothes without asking the person if they actually want them. I myself have accepted lots of hand me downs but have always been asked by the giver first. I have also given away lots of clothes but always spoken to the person first and phrased it as ' please don't feel obliged but I do have some lovely bits here and they will be charity shopped but I wanted to give you first refusal and I honestly won't be offended if you don't want them.'

perfectstorm · 08/01/2018 18:56

100% agree, User.

Bimbler · 08/01/2018 19:00

I think it's rude to offload bags of clothes without asking the person if they actually want them.

I think it's thoughtless not to ask if they hand me downs would be welcome. But I'd still assume it was a neighbourly gesture and try and show some manners as I returned them. Going out of your way to be ungracious doesn't do anyone any favours.

Catwaving · 08/01/2018 19:25

Absolutely, OP has well and truly snubbed her neighbour.

Good luck with that!

MotherofPearl · 08/01/2018 19:30

OP I think your response was entirely understandable. I have a larger house with a fair amount of storage, but I hate clutter and have to do ruthless culls from time to time. Clutter is stressful and makes the house feel unrestful to me.

As for those posters saying 'just you wait until the baby arrives - then you'll know what clutter/busy-ness/whatever is' - this is so patronising. I'm sure the OP isn't stupid and fully understands that having a baby will impact on her life and home.

Annette69 · 08/01/2018 19:32

Why do people find things like this so difficult? If you don’t want them then just tell her. Can’t believe people actually ask the questions they do.

fallenblossom · 08/01/2018 20:00

Crikey, what an exhausting thread.

OP you have had a bit of a hard time on here. Ywnbu to return, but it's just as likely this was a kind gesture as it was a convenient drop off.. Therefore, a thank you note is the right thing to do.

On topic, I always rather liked a bag of hand me downs, particularly if denim or corduroy - given that the previous washing would have taken away the stiffness... Admittedly I have space, and I never received stained, overly worn clothes.

We should recycle more, and most baby clothes, if worn by one baby, are perfectly recyclable. But I can see how It's not for everyone.

Good luck with the birth and new baby OP. It's really not the horror story some enjoy making it out to be.

Angelina7 · 08/01/2018 20:10

Salvation army collect if you contact them for their jumble sales, don't even have to be in, just leave them outside the door with a note if not in, they usually give an approximate pickup time and are very grateful.
I personally couldn't hand back once taken, I live in a small 2 bed too so know what u mean with space but I could have said 'thank you but we haven't got storage space' before taking them in but not once I've taken them x

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