To cut off MIL for stealing?

[Beingthere]

Mil the gatekeeper has always asked family members to give gifts to her to send or give to us. I found this odd. There is no reason for it other than control but she rules the family and everyone did as they were told.

In the past this has meant she has held our presents hostage from everyone, using them as bait to go and see her. We’ve never given in to this, getting Christmas gifts in June once. We’ve asked people not to do it, and we send any gifts directly to the recipients not through MIL, but they still do. Oh well, up to them.

We have just found out that this year MIL opened a gift (I’ve suspected this in the past) took out one of the presents for DS, kept it, and rewrapped the parcel. We know this because the sender asked us if we liked it but we hadn’t received it. (I’d written a thank you note and didn’t mention it, so they rang.) DH spoke to his M and she admittted to taking the gift and keeping it herself because “it wasn’t suitable for DS”.

I’M FURIOUS!

MIL has form for lying and being passive aggressive. She speaks badly about the spouses of all her adult children in front of their children so I was always worried about DS being around her when he’s older and understands. So this is the final straw. DH is on board, he’s disgusted with her. Especially as when he told her that her behaviour was unacceptable, she said she was going to ring around th3 family and tell them not to speak to,us anymore! She has form for this also. We never took any notice when she ordered us to not send a birthday card to Auntie May or whoever, but DH’s siblings do.

So DH has told her not to contact us either.

Sorry about any mistakes. Angry and on mobile,

I think if she has to bribe you with gifts just to make you visit, the relationship is clearly fucked up and you should go very low or non contact. Is dh happy about losing the relationship with the wider family though, as this is the likely outcome?

Please write to every family member and inform them of what she has done and your reasons why you are now nc with her. She is def unhinged.

Yep you're alone Touchmybum. The MIL sounds nasty.

I'm not so sure about the DIL personally... Plus I don't have a lot of time for any man who goes NC with his own mother unless it's for massively serious reasons.

Trying to read all messages, so many, thanks! We don’t see her or FIL that much because DH has always been ridiculed by his parents. He doesn’t really fit in with his family. He remembers MIL being less than honest when he was a child and FIL getting nasty if he said something.

Tell all the family members about this, and get the donor of the present in question to back you up - advise them to double check whether they've actually received everything they've been given. Maybe it will then get through to them that sending things via MiL is a very bad idea.

Is it any wonder no one wants to see her.She slates the spouse of each of her kids in front of grand children,is demanding and controlling and thinks it is acceptable to tell family members not to talk to others,and on this occasion because she got caught out nicking a child's Christmas present.Hell no the manipulative old cow needs to bog off.

TBH my reaction does depend in part on whether it at least seems like she had his or your best interest at heart

Not her business, parents are there to parent, steeling your GC presents is not on

I read the OP and the MIL sounds horrible. I wouldn't want someone that toxic in mine or my childrens lives. I have respect for a man that puts his immediate (wife and children) family first.

So what did the sender of rhe present say when they found out you never received the present?
Oh can you steal from your own grandchild absolutly vile.
Who knows what else she has done in the past.

Will email all other family members but don’t think it will do any good. We asked before, when the Christmas presents were kept for six months, that they deal directly to us not through MIL, to no avail.

*how Sorry

Lying I interpreted this that she had written thank you for the "doll" or whatever but didn't mention the "teddy"or whatever, so the sender wondered if it had been received.

Shift, yes will apologise if we have never thanked for gifts ( that we didn’t receive). We ALWAYS send thank you messages so people should know.

How come you wrote a 'thank you' note to the present-sender without knowing there was a present, or what it actually was, OP?

Because there were several presents and only one was removed. From the OP MIL opened a gift (I’ve suspected this in the past) took out ONE of the presents for DS, kept it, and rewrapped the parcel

Caps added.

Just, but how could she? She didn't know a present had even been sent did she? Nevermind what it was?

We have just found out that this year MIL opened a gift (I’ve suspected this in the past) took out one of the presents for DS, kept it, and rewrapped the parcel. We know this because the sender asked us if we liked it but we hadn’t received it. (I’d written a thank you note and didn’t mention it, so they rang.) DH spoke to his M and she admittted to taking the gift and keeping it herself because “it wasn’t suitable for DS”.

Makes no mention of what it was.

Unless it was more than ONE thing from this person so it wasn't mentioned because it wasn't there? In which case that does make sense.

WOOO, don’t want to say exactly what the stolen gift is but not a toy. Think handmade keepsake item! There was nothing unsuitable about it. DH has asked her to send it.

x-post with you Gabilan. Apologies OP.

The sender sent presents for all of us, DH, me and a few things for DS. I only thanked her for what we received and didn’t mention the missing thing, obviously.

I had a kleptomaniac Mil. She'd have stolen anything if she thought she could get away with it, including the children's toy jewellery! Far too outing to give details but she had hundreds of pounds that she'd nicked from us over the years. Ex was very forgiving, me not so much as it was hard earned and she'd not worked for years, nothing wrong with her, just sat back and claimed benefits.

Glad I no longer have to have anything to do with her!!

Sorry probably not explaining myself well. So angry.

W