To cut off MIL for stealing?

[Beingthere]

Mil the gatekeeper has always asked family members to give gifts to her to send or give to us. I found this odd. There is no reason for it other than control but she rules the family and everyone did as they were told.

In the past this has meant she has held our presents hostage from everyone, using them as bait to go and see her. We’ve never given in to this, getting Christmas gifts in June once. We’ve asked people not to do it, and we send any gifts directly to the recipients not through MIL, but they still do. Oh well, up to them.

We have just found out that this year MIL opened a gift (I’ve suspected this in the past) took out one of the presents for DS, kept it, and rewrapped the parcel. We know this because the sender asked us if we liked it but we hadn’t received it. (I’d written a thank you note and didn’t mention it, so they rang.) DH spoke to his M and she admittted to taking the gift and keeping it herself because “it wasn’t suitable for DS”.

I’M FURIOUS!

MIL has form for lying and being passive aggressive. She speaks badly about the spouses of all her adult children in front of their children so I was always worried about DS being around her when he’s older and understands. So this is the final straw. DH is on board, he’s disgusted with her. Especially as when he told her that her behaviour was unacceptable, she said she was going to ring around th3 family and tell them not to speak to,us anymore! She has form for this also. We never took any notice when she ordered us to not send a birthday card to Auntie May or whoever, but DH’s siblings do.

So DH has told her not to contact us either.

Sorry about any mistakes. Angry and on mobile,

I know. you're right.

I have similar with mine, in that nobody really believes how awful my mother has been to me and my son, as she's not like it with anyone else.

Beingthere as a previous poster said this is similar to a grieving process, albeit you are grieving for the kind of relationship you could/should have had not for the one you did have.

The more you think about them and the other relatives and what they are doing/have done the more they still have a hold on you or a presence in your life. It may help to write down everything they have done and what you would like to say to them and then either burn it or file it away somewhere and forget about it. Go on with your life and don't give them a second thought, they are not worth you expending even a second of your time on them.

It would probably be good for you husband if he could block/delete their numbers and he may well do this in time, but it is his decision and he needs to do it when/if he feels the time is right for him.

The Police visit hasn't achieved what they wanted it to, they haven't acknowledged your husband's birthday I think this is them saying they have cut your husband, you and your son off.

Being in touch with them or trying to rebuild bridges with them will be far too high a price to pay, they've chosen to do what they have done, you will never convince them to admit fault or even to compromise, leave them to wallow in their misery and dysfunction.

Head up, OP, get on with your life, you don't need them in it.

A big happy birthday to your DH.

The relatives have made up their minds, and have either chosen not to send cards, or to follow the old way and send them via MIL. After this, I would be determined to go NC and not be swayed if PIL ever get in contact.

Horrible people.

Oh so their concerned enough to send the police round but not enough to send a birthday card to their son? Says it all really

So so sorry for you and your DH I think the pp about grieving for the loss of the relationship you never had is very strong.

You never know what they might have said to other relatives. But especially the cross stitch one would surely know something was up. and I can't believe any normal family would need permission to send a birthday card - they must all be totally under her control.

They're not their! Bloody auto correct!

Ps happy birthday DH!

aaaaargghhhhelpme concerned enough to send the police round but not enough to send a birthday card to their son?

Yes, says it all really.

DH is not like his family. He never really fit in. I was surprised when I first met MIL because one of the relatives that DH talked about a lot, someone who he spent a lot of time with growing up, was painted by MIL as a horrible person! I was shocked, until I met them, and then I realised MIL was jealous. I got on well with this person. MIL tried a few times over the years to stop us communicating but I still send cards and things.

But even this person, very elderly now, has shunned us. I can't believe that they would believe MIL if she said we had said nasty things about them or something. I expect MIL has told them that we have moved and have no forwarding address or have asked everything goes to her and she doesn't send anything on.

There's nothing we can do. They let MIL control them.

Your poor DH. I can sympathize, my MIL is so manipulative to everyone in the family, and passive aggressive. Whenever we call her up on something, she starts the 'I've had such a hard life' act. Drives me and my sil insane. Lots of smiling through gritted teeth. Wish I could be done with it all, but that's DH's decision, not mine.

How is your DH now?

Is there some sort of manual out there for people like my Dad's family, your MIL and all the others like them we come across? It's like they follow a set pattern, at some point you know once you stand up to them they will gather their troops, then there will be a 'critical illness' then a 'welfare concern' call to the police or social services.

I'm picturing a largish paperback with a black and yellow cover, maybe called 'Control Freakery for Dummies' or 'Narcissisim - How to Get What you Want When You Want It' - includes free ice packs for your cold, cold heart

deste Another stolen cross stitch by a mother-in-law? Are you sure? Please post the link. I can't find anything.

Well I've searched and hundreds of threads come up if you search for MIL and stealing. In the last year there are 125 but I can't see any about a cross stitch.

I am surprised how many mother in laws seem to be thieves though and steal things from the GC also. I never knew.

Ignore deste OP, if she is concerned as to the veracity of this thread she should report direct to MNHQ.

I've read a fair few in-law stealing threads over the years, I am shocked at how low some people will stoop.

Sorry to hear that someone who appeared to be close to you has bowed down to MIL's directive. Good wishes to you and your dh for a calmer, happier future.