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Original poster

To cut off MIL for stealing?

362 replies

Beingthere · 06/01/2018 18:34

Mil the gatekeeper has always asked family members to give gifts to her to send or give to us. I found this odd. There is no reason for it other than control but she rules the family and everyone did as they were told.

In the past this has meant she has held our presents hostage from everyone, using them as bait to go and see her. We’ve never given in to this, getting Christmas gifts in June once. We’ve asked people not to do it, and we send any gifts directly to the recipients not through MIL, but they still do. Oh well, up to them.

We have just found out that this year MIL opened a gift (I’ve suspected this in the past) took out one of the presents for DS, kept it, and rewrapped the parcel. We know this because the sender asked us if we liked it but we hadn’t received it. (I’d written a thank you note and didn’t mention it, so they rang.) DH spoke to his M and she admittted to taking the gift and keeping it herself because “it wasn’t suitable for DS”.

I’M FURIOUS!

MIL has form for lying and being passive aggressive. She speaks badly about the spouses of all her adult children in front of their children so I was always worried about DS being around her when he’s older and understands. So this is the final straw. DH is on board, he’s disgusted with her. Especially as when he told her that her behaviour was unacceptable, she said she was going to ring around th3 family and tell them not to speak to,us anymore! She has form for this also. We never took any notice when she ordered us to not send a birthday card to Auntie May or whoever, but DH’s siblings do.

So DH has told her not to contact us either.

Sorry about any mistakes. Angry and on mobile,

OP posts:
placebobebo · 11/02/2018 21:55

Keep all the details and go for a non molestation order due to their harassment.

Original poster
Beingthere · 11/02/2018 21:58

I am certainly going to see a solicitor. I am afraid they will try something when DH isn't here and it's just me and DS.

OP posts:
RibenaMonsoon · 11/02/2018 22:03

Wow... They sound totally unhinged!
Sounds like your DH has it under control though.
Wine for you both. Keep standing strong!

LaContessaDiPlump · 11/02/2018 22:04

Jeez. To them it is clearly impossible that he chose to not capitulate! No, it's clearly a police matter Confused what a pair of fruit loops.

I think your DH should send that email, cc'ing in police, to drive the message home. Mind you they'll probably start spreading messages about how they are terribly concerned for his mental health then Hmm

Original poster
Beingthere · 11/02/2018 22:10

I think they did it to threaten DH/us, not because they were really worried. FIL is a bully, well they both are. I think they knew they would get no joy if they came to our door (and would cost them a lot of money to get here to have no one answer) so they decided to pull this - pretend to be oh so worried they haven't heard from their son just to prove they can still get to us.

OP posts:
ememem84 · 11/02/2018 22:13

Say what now?! That’s insane.

Hope you’re ok x

Thereshegoesagain · 11/02/2018 22:14

I would continue with NC. No reaction whatsoever from you and DH. Their purpose in doing this is to provoke a reaction. Give them none.

CoffeeWithMyOxygen · 11/02/2018 22:15

Good grief, you poor people. I bet the police weren’t impressed at having their time wasted on a manipulative stunt like that!

Original poster
Beingthere · 11/02/2018 22:19

The police didn't give much reaction at all. They were only here a few minutes. I had the impression that they had seen it all before. I told them MIL was a thief! Blush because I was fuming that DS had to witness them coming to the door.

And no doubt we'll now get the neighbours asking if anything is wrong.

OP posts:
HumphreyCobblers · 11/02/2018 22:22

Oh goodness, you poor thing.

I have just read the whole thread.

They are unhinged.

Littlemissdaredevil · 11/02/2018 22:24

They are mad! They had no reason to suspect that anyone had been harmed or could come to harm! Are the police going to go back to them and tell them to stop wasting police time politely no to call again?

Panandthegang · 11/02/2018 22:32

@beingthere are you on a mil board on a popular parenting app by any chance? I read this exact message almost word for word last year there

Original poster
Beingthere · 11/02/2018 22:43

Littlemissdaredevil I don't know what the police are going to say.

Panandthegang No, what message?

OP posts:
Itscurtainsforyou · 11/02/2018 22:46

I had to ask the police to do a welfare check once (for good reason, I'm not your mil!). They did call me back to say everything was fine and inferred I was wasting their time ( I wasn't but that's another story).

So chances are your in laws will get the same.

Original poster
Beingthere · 11/02/2018 22:48

Itscurtainsforyou Thankyou! I hadn't really thought about what they would tell them, was still upset about them being here.

OP posts:
Panandthegang · 11/02/2018 22:50

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

notapizzaeater · 11/02/2018 22:54

They are un hinged ....

Original poster
Beingthere · 11/02/2018 22:57

Panandthegang Not me, this happened this year. I've just googled and can't find anything remotely word for word, though did find a few posts about gatekeeping MILs.

Googled "gatekeeping stealing MIL" and this thread comes up first.

I didn't realise how big mumsnet threads are on google. I expect MIL or someone will find this one day.

OP posts:
YouTheCat · 11/02/2018 23:01

Pan, if you have concerns about the OP then report. Otherwise you're troll hunting which is against the rules and is a massive pain in the arse.

Catkins0877 · 11/02/2018 23:07

Emh I know your annoyed and upset and I really don't blame thou.It sounds horrible.But speaking as someone who had to literally become estranged from parents to protect my family it is actually a very heart wrenching thing to do.It is a bit like grief without someone dying I guess in my experience.My advise would be it would ultimately have to be your DH decision.Personally as well I wouldn't really recommend it unless the situation became unbearable.

tillytrotter1 · 11/02/2018 23:36

I read the first few pages and then the last few, wow you're really being put through the mill.
In order to permanently cut off contact with them and to formalise the situation I would invest of few £ to get a lawyer to send a letter to them cutting all ties and telling them not to contact you again under any circumstances.
You could send a link to this thread though first!
Good luck to you and your family for the future.

Catkins0877 · 11/02/2018 23:51

I'm sorry Op I hadn't read all your posts.I now have a fuller picture.That sounds awful. I think your mil might be gaslighting your DH.:( From what I experienced and have been told siblings in dysfunctional families can often be estranged.Particularly the one who calls out the problem.This may be the case here I wonder?

Sashkin · 11/02/2018 23:52

Pan, unless the thread you saw was literally word-for-word, it is just as likely to be two different people. There are lots of nutso matriarchs out there who control access between family members. DH’s grandmother was similar, including the present theft.

DMIL and toddler DH stayed with her for a couple of weeks while their house was being renovated, and she told everyone DMIL had split up from DFIL. Completely untrue, she was just an evil shitstirrer.

Catkins0877 · 11/02/2018 23:54

Also your mil sounds like she might have a narcissistic personality disorder type thing going on.!!! They'll do anything to get the person who breaks rank back I gather.Worth goggling.I feel so sorry for you both. Hope things settle.Dont let her have what she wants...come between you and your husband.x

Catkins0877 · 11/02/2018 23:56

Googling ..sorry auto type