Should toddlers be running round the pub screaming on a Friday night?

[Notevilstepmother]

I’m sorry to be mean, I love kids generally, but if I go to the pub on a Friday night and it’s not one of those pubs with a soft play and a children’s menu I don’t really want to have people allowing their children to run round and scream at the top of their voices. I was trying to have a conversation with a friend and someone encouraged their children to run around our table, nowhere near where they were sitting. One of them was only 18 months old and was screeching with excitement which I get, and the others were maybe 3 and 5 and were under the bar staffs feet and nearly tripped them up a few times.

I’m not necessarily saying ban children, but maybe after 7 or something, or have them sit down and not run around. Not everyone wants other people’s kids being noisy when they are having an adult night out. AIBU?

When I go out for dinner in the evening I go from 8 p.m. and expect that if there are children in the venue their parents will control them. If the kids start coming around where I am sitting being a pain, I tell them to go back to their parents.

Yes I’ve had death stares but I’m not in the least bit bothered - if parents can’t be bothered to look after their children then they should leave them at home. And yes I’m a parent and mine was not allowed to run around in restaurants!

'I think kids should be banned after 8 o'clock. If pubs let themselves be turned into a soft play area then that's up to them. But I wouldn't be going back. And they shouldn't be running round at any time of day. Went for lunch quite a while ago and small child screaming at the top of voice throughout meal. Too little to be naughty. Haven't been back since.'

I'd definitely be happy to patronise one that was childfree entirely, but definitely after 7 or 8pm.

YANBU. Regardless of a pub or restaurant children should never be running around. If they can't sit still for a meal then don't eat out or go to the beer garden.

Some adults are very selfish though and their wants for a drink over ride everyone elses rights.

Yanbu. It's never acceptable imo. I don't think anyone other than the parents WOULDN'T be pissed off.

God, that's horrendous. I'd have run a mile! Unbelievably bad manners from the parents.

I have 2 DDs and would not have them in a pub in the evening (or during the day unless it was for lunch or an event). And if they were, even at 18months, they would not be running around screaming. When they were little we packed a rucksack with colouring and games, and it kept them content.

'If the kids start coming around where I am sitting being a pain, I tell them to go back to their parents.

Yes I’ve had death stares but I’m not in the least bit bothered -'

They'd hate me even worse because I call the staff over and tell them my meal is being disturbed and to deal with it.

It's a rare treat for me to eat out and I won't have it spoilt by someone else's selfishness.

We were in a pub last week and theparents were v hands off allowing dc to run and play hide and seek and sit with other adults
The bar staff without being asked asked the parents to keep them
Near to them for saftey reasons but also, I suspect , that it was annoying customers . I disagree that children will inevitably run around as suggested up thread . The world does not centre round them and from and early age dc should be aware of what is ok when .. playground is for running , pub sit and colour or play with little toys - at least that was what we taught dc when they were little - it Just teaches awareness of others andconsideration .

....and means they
Know from early age how to manage public situations and that they can be included too .

No YANBU. Some people are very selfish and encouraging their child to run around your table is not on. They also should have been trying to encourage the children to behave appropriately- toys they can play with at the table, or colouring or something.

My son is 6, he has ASD (not high functioning) developmental delay, and ADHD. It is impossible to keep him quiet and well behaved in a pub or restaurant. YouTube helps for all of 5-10 mins. I tend not to take him. Certainly wouldn't in the evening. I do try him in those places from time to time as I do want to teach him how to behave in restaurants. He won't learn if he is never exposed to it. Usually the experience is so stressful we don't get as far as eating our meals as I have to take him home because he breaks free from me, starts running around screaming like a banshee annoying people and being dangerous. I never would just sit there while he does it, I always go after him and try to get him calm and sitting. I accept that I can only go to these places, as a rule, if DS is with his dad or a babysitter
Same with coffee shops. I'd love to join my friends and their kids when they go for coffee in town, but I know my son's behaviour is not acceptable in these places. Not only will it annoy others but potentially dangerous if he makes a run for it when people are carrying hot coffee.

I'm sure we disturb people sometimes. But IMO it's more important to get children used to dining out, than to worry other diners might not like children.

I find entitled parents tend to raise entitled children.

The world doesn't revolve around you and your DC.

We went out earlier to a lovely little tea room which happens to have a stuffed animal head on the wall (!), a family came in and their young son (maybe 4/5) was upset by it and started crying and saying that he didn't like it, was scared, etc etc and disturbing everybody. The parents just kept him in there and so he had a miserable time and nobody enjoyed their tea/coffee. IMO they should have left as it wasn't fair on him or anybody else.

Not all single parents take their children to the pub because they don't have a choice. I don't take mine to the pub. They get bored and loud so we don't go. Nobody's children should be running around a pub full stop.

It depends on the circumstances and how often. I mean if it's every night or its not a special occasion then probably not.
However if it is for familyou gathering then you should make allowances. Not everyone be lives in getting baby sitters.
I never used to leave my dd with anyone aside from my mum dad or grandad, so At a family meals ect my dd was there and as pp says kids run around and play

No child/children should be allowed to run around pubs or restaurants. Not only is it dangerous, lazy parenting it's also very annoying.

'It depends on the circumstances and how often. I mean if it's every night or its not a special occasion then probably not.
However if it is for familyou gathering then you should make allowances. Not everyone be lives in getting baby sitters.
I never used to leave my dd with anyone aside from my mum dad or grandad, so At a family meals ect my dd was there and as pp says kids run around and play'

No, it doesn't. Your circumstances are your own problem, not every one else's. Nor should anyone have to put up with kids running around and playing in a pub, which is a drinking establishment, not a playground or soft play. If you can't control your kids or are picky about whom you leave them with you stay at home, no one owes you a meal out at the expense of their own positive experience.

If someone's brat is disrupting our meal I inform the staff immediately and leave them a shit review with a warning to other adults that the place is an alternate nursery school.

Have been successfully taking my girls out for meals at restaurants/pubs since newborn.... not once have either of them run around or screamed. It’s not hard to look after your kids and ensure they aren’t disturbing others.

Tbf, as babies they probably did have a cry waiting for a bottle but not enough for it to disturb anyone longer than waiting for me/DH to extricate bottle from bag.

No where did I say I can't control my child and that she behaves like a brat. I really do not appreciate that. Ex pat, No where on any thread have I called your child. I do not appreciate you calling mine.
My dd would sit "most"of the time at the table. I meant kids in general run and play. Nowhere did i say she was allowed to run a mock. She wasn't there while I sat drinking double brandies all night. I'd only be in there for 2 hours tops.
Why I feel the need to justify myself to a randomer on the Internet, God alone knows but I'll hold my hands up I care what people think. Yes even on here. I shouldnt but there it is, I do.

If they can't sit still for a meal then don't eat out or go to the beer garden

How will they learn to sit still in restaurants unless they practice? Some toddlers are more active than others and will make a dash for freedom as soon as you're distracted. Usually with shrieks of excitement. It's a balance of keeping them calm and seated yet not frightening them into submission. I don't want my children thinking they have to whisper in restaurants lest they disturb the adults. I also want them to be used to pubs/restaurants from a young age. We often meet extended family and friends for meals out in the evening.

Maybe though, following on from that, it’s because with my eldest I was a youngish mum so I felt like I had to be seen to be actively parenting, I didn’t want to be judged. Then those standards were maintained for my youngest (who is by nature a loud and energetic child)

'No where on any thread have I called your child. I do not appreciate you calling mine. '

I didn't. I wrote 'someone's' but if you want to get all het up about that, that is your lookout. If someone's kid is disturbing me I'm going to call the staff over to get rid of the disturbance and if the staff doesn't handle it I'll leave a review accordingly so other adults who don't want kids running around in a restaurant or pub can be aware they may want to patronise another establishment.

'How will they learn to sit still in restaurants unless they practice?'

You can practice at home.

Children in pubs and restaurants should be sitting at the table with their parents. They should not be running around. Children don’t need to be disturbing others and should be prevented from doing so. It doesn’t depend on the child.....it depends on the parent. If you can’t control your child stick to places that encourage poor behaviour and running around during meals.

Why is it important that "kids get used to dining out"? Dining out is a pleasure, not an essential part of life! If they're not ready for it yet, you're not doing them any favours. Surely you practice at home? When they can sit at a table for a civilised family dinner, you then try somewhere family friendly at lunchtime, and work up to more adult venues over time

Because I want her to grow up confident and unfazed by eating out. We travel a lot (friends and family overseas), so eating out is a necessity for us. I don't want her to be excluded from big family gatherings.

She can sit calmly for a meal at home (most days) but a busy restaurant is full of distractions, loud noises, people coming and going, waiting etc. You can't really practice that at home. I think the earlier they learn appropriate restaurant behaviour, the easier it is for everyone. People are more tolerant of a noisy, restless 2 year old than an older child who thinks it's ok to shout and run around!

Don’t people teach their kids to sit properly at the table at home?
Dd was taught from a young age that when we are eating we don’t leave the table until we have finished our meal, this is the same wherever we are.
I hate having kids running around me when I’m out, whether it’s costa, a pub or a nice restaurant. It is dangerous for the child, customers & staff as well as bloody annoying.

“'How will they learn to sit still in restaurants unless they practice?'”

They sure as hell aren’t practising if they’re charging around, screaming at the tops of their voices!