Can DP not be arsed or am I a grabby cow?

[MyLoveIsAPrickOnATudorRose]

Let me preface this by saying my DP didn't get me anything for Christmas, even though we'd discussed what we were getting each other at the beginning of December and I got him something I put a lot of thought into. He came up with some wonderful excuses as to why he hadn't thought of me when I pointed out how much it had hurt my feelings. Anyway, we moved on. It's my birthday soon and he's told me to just get something I'd like and he'll give me the money back. AIBU to feel like he still can't be arsed? I feel like I'm being grabby but it isn't about the 'things' - it's about the consideration? We've been together for two years if that helps. He says I'm hard to buy for but he's always going on about how well he knows me so surely it can't be that much of a flipping mystery.

End of March is the earliest I could leave. I am now pretty certain I'm leaving.

Fab. Now take that as a 1st of April new start. No more fooling you!

Plan some lovely treat for yourself for your first night in your new home.. and then start planning backwards:

• where will you live?
• job still the same or to change?
• money in place/being saved?
• paperwork ready all in one place if and when needed?
• notice period for end tenancy - put that date in your diary NOW

Last job:

• give pathetic partner the heads up - or just go - doesn't matter which, he deserves nothing from you. Just don't tip him off now.

Do you have support of family/friends for if you have a wobble about this? Keep posting here, we'll cheer you on. :)

Family and friends would be delighted if I left him. My own mother said 'just get enough together for a rental deposit and fuck off'

In my humble experience mothers are rarely wrong op sorry 💐

I would leave his bloody laundry from now on. That will save water and electricity. Just do your own!

Family generally know best.

I stayed with my children's father far longer than I should've and when I finally left him my family couldn't stop telling me how they couldn't stand him... brill.

Good luck OP, I promise you better things are to come.

My family would have thrown a party when I left my exH if I'd let them. I thought I knew best.

Good. You've got a deadline to work to. What notice do you have to give the LL that you're leaving?

3 months will fly by - what with looking for somewhere new to live, the evenings will start drawing out soon. Visit family / friends in the evenings and weekends to minimise being 'at home' with him. And stop doing his washing!!!
When will you tell him you're leaving?

Well, that's the difficult bit. we live somewhere very isolated. I can't visit family or friends as we moved so far away from them all.

Well that gives you 12 weeks to sort out every thing you need too. Make sure you let both LL and Estate Agent you will not be renewing your part of the lease in plenty of time in writing, ask for confirmation in writing of there acceptance of this.

Time to start job hunting closer to your ideal location!!

Why did you move so far away? (I bet I know!)

Can you move back?

We moved for his job, I wasn't railroaded into it or anything I thought it a good idea at the time. It does worry me that he makes it out to be all my idea now though :/

I just knew it wold be for him

OP this is Not Good.

You need to start making plans

To be fair I was desperate to get out of where I was living at the time and jumped at the chance. Turns out being trapped with him in the middle of nowhere is pretty awful though.

Yes, I think frying pan and fire spring to mind

Have you got family you could go to?

Start job hunting now!

Right OP, your birthday gift is the deposit for your new home, if he asks this includes missed Christmas, birthday and Valentine's gifts. Next, if he doesn't like how often his clothes are washed, stop doing it for him.

Once you have the money, tell him you will be leaving, talk to your landlord before this to explain what is happening and frankly it is then up to him where he chooses to live.

You deserve so much better than this and are worth much more too. Not buying you a gift is both lazy and disrespectful, and you are right to be annoyed.

Jeez you need to listen when your mum is telling you to get a deposit so you can get the fuck away from him

Can he afford the rent on his own? Would he want to continue living there? If so, you could leave quicker.

Duke, he could just about afford it on his own and has thrown that at me in the past but would definitely whinge about it m. The thing is he gets a good deal anyway bc I pay half of everything, rent and bills, even though I'm part time!!

Bugger him then OP.

The horrible person in me would probably orchestrate a row to get him to say something like that again and then end the argument on how he can afford the place without you and then leave.

Then it's kind of his decision.

Yep from about a third of the thread down I thought, ‘this guy is tight‘ you paying half just proved it.

I'm sitting here in tears now because I feel like a fucking mug.

He's got it made while I put up and shut up hasn't he? Half the bills done for him by his live-in housekeeper he doesn't even have to buy a Christmas present for cause it would be too much effort.