Just dropped a clanger - what are yours?

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I was talking over the web to someone I know about their mother's passing and finished off the conversation by saying drop me a line after the cremation when the dust has settled. I didn't even pick up my gaffe until their response repeating my line - they took it well!

Anyone else made an unintentional gaffe recently?

Got in a lift with someone in a wheelchair who commented on my baby sleeping peacefully in the pram and I said 'Yeah I'm jealous, must be lovely being pushed around all day' 😳

Rather tiddly as a yoof in the pub toilets having a silly conversation with friend born with no legs in wheelchair (also 3 sheets to the wind)... "you're bloody legless" she declares- no hint of irony I shout back " no YOU'RE legless" entire loos fall deadly silent, we look each other in the eye and burst into peals of laughter.

As a 19yr old I worked as a cashier in a bank. When I had been there a few weeks a customer came in with a cheque for a large amount of money. We were encouraged to talk to the customers when things like that happened to find out what the money was for - in case we could get a lead for the sales staff.
I said "ooh that's a lovely big cheque, have you any plans to spend it on something nice?", "not really thought about it" he replied, "it's the life insurance payout for my wife as she died recently". I apologised profusely.

After being described as anal, I said oh I love anal room full of blokes

KenDoddsDadsDogIsDead How did he react to that?

Not me but my parents. Their next door neighbour and really close friend had breast cancer and had lost her hair due to chemo. They were all playing cards one day and neighbour complained about losing, my dad replied "keep your hair on!" He was mortified but she found it funny.

A few months later same friend was having a bad day and my mum said "come round for a cuppa and you can get it all off your chest". Luckily their friend has a wicked sense of humour and it actually made her laugh.

Literally crying at Hexe. I can't breathe.

Curlyshabtree

I once told my (very handsome) dentist that I was an animal in bed. I meant to say “I sound like an animal” due to my teeth grinding

Genuinely cracked up at this.

At work- feel free to phone for an update (family leaving) they pointed out there wasn’t much to update since he had just died...........😳

Family all at dinner. Mil was not using her wheelchair so 15yo dd was in it, fooling around while we were waiting for our table. (She's perfectly fit ) she said something cheeky and i smacked her on the back of her head (gently). Looked up to see outraged older man glaring at me. Honestly, she was being a smarty pants.

When I was at school, my English teacher gave me lines for forgetting to bring my dictionary to the lesson (tad harsh!). He told me to write "Manneth maketh man" 100 times, so I did and promptly and completely innocently returned them to him next lesson. He turned bright red and fumed something about me being a stupid girl. At that point, I realised that as he had a lisp, it was supposed to have been "Manners maketh man". Bet no one else was subsequently told to write that!

Not on the scale of some of these but the first time meeting the parents of my first bf they were complimenting my name (common in Wales but they were English). I knew my bf's elder brother had the same first name as my DB so mentioned what a coincidence it was added the fact at least they hadn't saddled him with a godawful middle name like my db's ...except they had I realised when my bf kicked me hard under the table. 25 years on I still blush

Finger in the dyke, cycle paaaths proper lulz 😂

I remember when Shirley Ballas from SCD said to Johnny Peacock “you’ve got a real spring in your step”

That, and his first dance was to the song “footloose” 😂

"Best of luck - have a good run!" to a woman sitting in a wheelchair, who was collecting donations for a mini marathon type thing she was taking part in . . . for some kind of disability awareness.

I've never waned to fucking slap myself harder. I turned the colour of beetroot.

So THAT'S why it's the city that doesn't sleep peapod

Helping to look after my grandfather who was less than 24hrs from his death (though we didn’t know that at the time). We were listening to the full time scores coming through for the football and when ours came through I went to his bedroom door and said ‘it’s fine grandad, we got a draw...we managed to score right at the death’. I’m sure he twitched and it wasn’t till I turned away and saw my aunts face that I realised what I’d said!

"There's far worse things happen at sea". Awkward.

During a conversation with a friend I said "Well, worse things happen at sea" at which point she disclosed her father was a commercial fisherman who was lost at sea. I really did wish the ground would have swallowed me at that point.

Not mine but the vicar at the funeral of my friends mum recently. At the end when he was letting people know where to go for food afterwards, he said he could highly recommend the food at this particular eating establishment and that the sausage rolls "were to die for" . His face when he realised what he'd said, I felt really sorry for him!

I was at a drunken dinner party sitting next to my friend's lovely DH, chatting about film stars we liked & didn't like.

"I don't like Brad Pitt because he's much too short"

Friend's DH is 5'4" with his shoes on - I still cringe when I think about it

No idea why I said it either, as I do like Brad Pitt, but I tend to fancy taller men - were weren't talking about the ones we found attractive though

Reminds me of an episode with my uncle. His mum had just died, and the funeral directors were solemnly taking her downstairs and through the hall to their vehicle. One of them, on the way past, accidentally pulled her emergency cord that she was supposed to call if she had fallen, was unwell etc. So a voice came over a little speaker ‘Mrs Brown? Mrs Brown, are you okay?’

Not really no.

Apparently everyone fell about laughing luckily!!

Dsis and bil were visiting my parents.
My dm was making sandwiches and bil tried making small talk. He said "i had a puncture yesterday" dm said in a shocked voice "oooooh why what did she do!?"
Bil paused before repeating what he said again. Dm thought he said he had to punch her.
Dm was just so casually waiting for a response to find out what her dd had done to deserve a punching. Not angry as you would expect. Bil was horrified but they all burst out laughing.

Dm also at the bingo - a woman across from her started choking. My dm was a really nervous person and she would laugh. The tears were rolling down her face in absolute hysterics at this woman choking. They needed to do the thingy remover (cant remember the name) she got some death stares.

Love that one, Waves.

Reminds me of a letter that arrived for my mother in law a couple of months after she died. From BT .
"Dear Mrs Pika,
We know how you love to keep in touch with your family and friends..."

She had also put her name down for a residential home. Some weeks after she died, the manager phoned me to say there was a vacancy for Mum-in-Law.
She was so embarrassed. I thought it hilarious.

My Mum-in-Law was a real darling, by the way. She was an old mother when she had my husband and more like a grandmother to me - I appreciated her as I never knew any grandparents.

Arriving at the church for the funeral of an XNDN (who we'd hardly seen since she and her DH moved house), her DH and her sister were standing outside the doors greeting everyone as we arrived. I blurted out "how lovely to see you again."