Just dropped a clanger - what are yours?

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I was talking over the web to someone I know about their mother's passing and finished off the conversation by saying drop me a line after the cremation when the dust has settled. I didn't even pick up my gaffe until their response repeating my line - they took it well!

Anyone else made an unintentional gaffe recently?

Not me but I had to deal with the aftermath. A customer at work emailed in and mentioned she'd recently lost her husband. Emails are outsourced and my colleague, to whom I presume English is a second language, put at the end of their reply "I hope you find your husband..."

I once had to call a client to say my boss wouldn't be able to make a meeting as he's suffered a bereavement. The client responded "oh, I hope it's nothing serious"

Finger in the dyke!!!

Well these are brilliant! Mortifying, but brilliant! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Oh god, I've thought of ANOTHER.

Previous boss turned up to work dressed very smartly (all in black, which should have tipped me off!) and I made a big show of saying, 'woot wooo, check you out! Hot date tonight?'

She replied that she was going to a funeral in the afternoon. And if that wasn't embarrassing enough, I did exactly the same thing to her again six months later!

My one-armed friend was getting a round in at the bar, there were quite a few drinks to carry back to the table so I said "would you like a hand?"

FFS

I'm still cringing and it was about 10 years ago.

I was on the phone to my sister on her birthday. I was talking about how the older you get, the faster time seems to go. She agreed. I said the days must feel like they whiz by for her with her age (early 40s).
I realised what i said and apologised, saying "i didnt mean it like that i just meant with you being old so if time goes fast for me (late 20s) then it must go faster for you"
She told me to keep digging myself into that hole

DH had a colleague who was telling him how his wife had been run over and killed by a lorry. DH said 'some you win, some you...'

I was in DFS buying a new sofa and swivel chair. I was very excited about ordering this chair - I’d wanted one for ages. They didn’t have the exact one I wanted to try, but said they had a very similar one.

My reply: “That’s ok. I’ll sit on anything as long as it swivels!”

The salesman said nothing.

The interviewer was telling me about the campus and said "Of course, we have our world famous library". Eager to show enthusiasm, I said "Oh good. I love reading!"

I don't get it, how is this a gaffe? Libraries have books, you read books...

Spent Christmas at the in-laws following my mums death. Mil said something daft and other relative said to me. "at least your mum can't embarrass you.

My grandad was seriously ill and about to die. My mum informed me by saying your grandad is "going" (meaning about to die) I said " going where?"

booagain I can’t stop giggling at yours! That’s my mum hahahahahahahaha

I once delivered a baby and afterwards was chatting with the woman. She was saying something jokily about the big size of the baby's head. I said "well you would know about that!" meaning she'd know as she just pushed it out of her vagina... bad enough, why did I say that... but she replied "oh yes, I have always had a big head, my husband always jokes about my big head too" SHE THOUGHT I WAS SAYING SHE HAD A BIG HEAD!! I wanted the ground to swallow me up, luckily she saw the funny side as I turned bright red and tried to explain myself!

I don't wear any makeup as I always have been quite happy with my looks and don't think that I really need it, plus I don't like the feeling of my face being covered in it. Years back I was having a lunch with few colleagues, there were maybe 5-6 of us together, all women. One of them asked me why I never wear any makeup, and without thinking about it too much I just said: "Oh, makeup is only for ugly people"
All of them except me had makeup on.

Not a huge gaffe but it made the office laugh when I merrily walked out of work today and shouted "See you next Tuesday!" ( don't work Mondays)

Not that I'd ever shout "Cunt" across the office in a Father Jack style

@Myneighboursnorlax I have just snorted at "I'll sit on anything as long as it swivels"

Not me but a friend. We went with a group of school mum friends to see the first Fifty Shades film, not really our scene but it was playing in our local posh cinema and thought it’d be fun. We were all drinking prosecco and were a bit giggly and silly, given what we were watching! Friend spilt her drink. As we were leaving she said to the very young and lovely guy on the door waiting to come in and clean up ‘I’m really sorry but my seat is probably wet’. We could not breathe for laughing

I am crying with laughter at some of these. Funnier than any tedious stand up comedian

I work in hospitality and we check in on function rooms to make sure customers are happy and have everything they need at the start of the hire. I popped and breezily asked "is everyone happy?" It was a meeting of the Depression Alliance.

I'll preface this by saying that I don't normally register a person's physical appearance when I first meet them, no idea why.

Anyway, a new fella had started at work, and he was following me about while I explained the job to him. I needed something from a high shelf, stretched up, but couldn't quite reach it.

I turned to him, saying, could you grab that for me, please, I'm too much of a short arse to get it. (I'm 5 foot 3).

He was at least an inch, maybe two, shorter than me, and I think he thought I said it to humiliate him. We just locked eyes for a second in frozen silence, and he eventually said, I'll get a chair, then.

AAAAARGH

Oh the Postman Pat/Fireman Sam one has reminded me of another one, this time me.
When I was in that baby stage when I often didn’t get adult interaction for days, I had popped to the shop with ds and after the shopkeeper had served me instead of saying goodbye, I automatically blew him a kiss (as I always did to ds)

PeaceLoveandDixie
That's hysterical

Lweji
I honestly wouldn't worry about the wig comment. I have no hair and wear several different wigs all the time. People get very confused when I turn up with different hair every time they see me!
I do not get offended at all and have been stopped in shops by people asking where I get my hair done.

I'm also a wheelchair user and I've been asked to take a seat by receptionists loads of times, they then realise their mistake and get all embarrassed. It doesn't bother me one bit. Disabled people do have a sense of humour too!

Finger in the dyke! I'd had wet myself on the spot, hilarious!

I was in a shop and the lad behind the counter was being a bit flirty eventhough he was about 12, and I am not long interaction takes place, I go to pay, he leans the card reader over and then in a bizzarely sultry voice I say "can I touch it then" his mate cracked up immediately the lad said "errr, I guess so" I had to back track, nooo not like that, I meant my card on the machine! By this point me and cashier 2 are properly loling and the poor cashier 1 had gone bright red!