Just dropped a clanger - what are yours?

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I was talking over the web to someone I know about their mother's passing and finished off the conversation by saying drop me a line after the cremation when the dust has settled. I didn't even pick up my gaffe until their response repeating my line - they took it well!

Anyone else made an unintentional gaffe recently?

oh dear, that made me laugh!

I made a similar one once after I got back from a lovely holiday and had a chat with a neighbour. Before telling her about my holiday (gulet cruising around turkey), I learned that her mother had died, we chatted about that, and other things, when she asked me what I thought of gulet cruising i said ''i thought i'd died and gone to heaven''. I cannot believe I said that.

FUCK OFF DAILY MAIL YOU BUNCH OF CUNTS!!

Just in case

My family are dreadful for this. Played music from Queens sheer heart attack at Dad's funeral. No guessing the cause of death there. On my grandfathers order of service for the burial, they had chosen a picture of him digging a large hole

Snowysky, that's funny!!, you could have followed up the gaf with another gaf, ''ooooh bit of a black widow are you, somebody call columbo''

Another one which I still really, really hate myself for :

A guy I really fancied told me that it was the first Christmas since his mum had passed away so it would be difficult etc.

I came out with the chestnut 'oh well, at least the football season has started'

Totally ridiculous. I liked him so much and was so nervous. Wtaf.

A friend of MIL was talking about her age. I thought she said she was 67 and I said 'Really? 67? I would have thought you were younger than that. You only look in your late 50s'. She was saying she was born in 1967 and was 49 at the time.

I once went to visit a wheelchair bound friend who had been unwell, (nothing to do with his long term condition), my parting comment was, "I hope you'll soon be back on your feet". Mortified!!

I once said to an acquaintance "congratulations" instead of "condolences" after her husband died. I still can't look her in the eye and this was easily 6 or 7 years ago. I don't know why but that has given me a fit of the giggles. The more I think how inappropriate that is the more I am laughing. My husband is giving me funny looks.

Entering the crematorium for a relatives funeral recently on a freezing cold day and DP came out with "oooh its toasty in here"

But it gets worse- I was asking her to sign in for a training session, there approx 40 silent people in the room, talk about hearing a pin drop!
Black widow I like that lol
I do still cringe everytime I think about it- it was the stare she gave me- if looks could kill!!

A man that drinks in the pub I work in only has one arm and I once asked him if he needed a hand with the round he’d bought. He found it funny, I wanted to die.

Maybe her look finished off her husbands.

When I was a secretary we casual dress Fridays at my office, which we called Dress Down Days. I was responsible for sending off the cheques to the charity of the week, with a letter explaining.

Including one to the Down's Syndrome Association, announcing we had had a 'Dress Down' day to fundraise. I realised after I'd posted it. I hope they didn't think it was a piss take...

A neighbour who was quite shy came to my door on my birthday and said hello and handed me a birthday card. The silence was a bit awkward as she didn't say anything and for some reason my brain decided to full in for her and I blurted out "Happy birthday!" instead of "Thankyou!"

I was working as a temp in my early twenties as a receptionist. I was the only female. There was quite a lot of innuendo and banter between most of the blokes apart from a lovely gentle giant of a man who always checked that I wasn't getting any hassle from the other guys. He was exceptionally tall and trained as an triathlete so was constantly eating and would bring a massive lunch everyday and snacks too.

We worked open plan and one day I asked if I could put my lunch in our mutual boss' fridge like he did and he said "Of course you can it won't take up much room. I mean, I'm allowed to and I'VE GOT A MASSIVE LUNCHBOX. LOOK AT THE SIZE OF MY LUNCHBOX HAVE YOU EVER SEEN ONE SO BIG, IT'S ABSOLUTELY HUGE". I have never seen someone go so red as what he said and who he said it to dawned on him. Que everyone pissing themselves. As he stood at about 6 foot 7, I'm sure he was telling the truth!

I was comforting my SIL as her mum had just died. She was snorting telling me what a terrible time her mum had had- struggling with emphysema for a long time, she’d gone blind from complications from kidney damage, then died a year later due to liver failure.

I was struggling to comfort her so asked “was she an organ donor?”

These are hilarious! amusedbush, I laughed so hard at yours!!

Was with my boyfriend (now husband) and looked at a photo in his lounge of a white haired person ziplinning.
‘Cool granddad’ I said.
‘That’s my mum,’ he replied.
Jesus wept. I slipped through the imaginary hole in the ground.

I’m a stickler for documented processes and said in a meeting we have to get that documented, what are we going to do if X gets hit by a bus?

One of the girls sitting in the room had a mum who had been in a coma for a couple of months after being hit by a bus!

“was she an organ donor?”

I am so sorry for your SIL but that is probably the funniest thing I have ever read!

Actually this wasn't me but the clanger dropper was absolutely mortified.

When I gave birth 20 years ago I had a nasty internal tear and was bleeding quite heavily. The student midwife was displaced to stem the flow which in effect involved putting wadding in side to stop the bleeding. My son wasn't too well at birth so everyone was quite rightly concentrating on him. The student's tutor called over to her to ask if everything was ok).

She called back brightly, 'It's ok. I have my finger in the dyke!!!' As soon of the words were out of her mouth she started apologising and came specially to see me the following day to apologise further!

I actually thought it was funny and not offended at all.

We had a family saying, (long time ago) if your underskirt was showing, you'd tip the woman off by saying "Charlies dead"' So, we are visiting my recently widowed great aunt. Mum stands up and her slip is showing, so I say... Yes, deceased husband was called Charlie.

At a wake recently. The chaps wife had been cremated . The bitter on tap was called the " ex wife". Guess who asked if he'd like one?

Mine is from when DS1 was tiny he was practically bald until he was almost 2. We were dressing after swimming and the lady at the next changing table was brushing her DD's beautiful thick hair. I said "DS1 wouldn't it be lovely to have such beautiful hair?" only to look up and see that the mother was completely bald!

We actually became good friends - she'd lost all her hair suddenly for no known reason at 7yo.

lol lol lol at Oh and Arse

Opened the door to the post lady yesterday. She said to Ds 'I do like your gruffalo jumper' , to which I replied, 'I think he quite likes your postman pat jumper too!'

Although I didn't. I said ' I think he quite likes your fireman Sam pants'

She smiled politely and backed away slowly. I turned as red as her Postman pat jumper.