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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

I hate my baby

332 replies

Somebodyhelpmeplease · 05/01/2018 01:17

He is safe with me I would never harm him. I don’t know what to do. He cries all day and all night he sleeps a total of around 4/24 hours all day the rest of it he is crying. He cries when I’m feeding him. He cries when I’m holding him. I’ve tried all the potions under the sun the doctors have given him for reflux etc but nothing helps. Health visitors don’t help, my family don’t help, nobody can help. I’ve tried keeping him close and I’ve tried getting him used to being put down. I’ve tried white noise. I’ve tried a jumperoo. I’ve tried swaddling. I’m always consistent with what I’m trying but nothing helps. I have two other children who he wakes all night long. One has to go to school exhausted every day. It’s been 5 months of torture, I honestly feel like climbing out of my window and jumping, if it wasn’t for my other children I probably would. Help me. I know other people have been through this. What Can I do?

OP posts:
Amoregentlemanlikemanner · 07/01/2018 20:08

I am getting more confused by the minute:)
Sorry OP

PistFump · 07/01/2018 20:12

Can I just add, you clearly don't hate your baby. You sound like an amazing mum. Thanks

Lordofmyflies · 07/01/2018 20:30

Osteopath here... Osteopathy is a recognised healthcare profession which is strictly regulated by the GOC requiring a 5 year degree and annual development. 'cranial osteopathy' is not regulated. Some osteopaths believe it works and do further training but most of us don't due to the lack of evidence based research.

Hotpinkparade · 07/01/2018 20:39

Lordofmyflies Osteopath is a protected term so you can't call yourself one, cranial or no, unless you are qualified, registered with GOC etc. You can be a 'cranio-sacral therapist' or whatever, but not a cranial osteopath.

(I think cranial osteopathy is bollocks, but people trading as cranial osteopaths have all done the same training and are fulfilling the same professional duties as you)

Twinkletoes2018 · 07/01/2018 20:42

My daughter screamed and screamed we were on Gaviscon and ranitidine. I was convinced she had a cows milk allergy so saw a different gp who tried her on nutramigen puramino milk- it worked she's been great ever since we are just about to start reintroducing milk at 13 months. Go to your gp and ask for a 2 week trial of a prescribed cows milk free milk if it's an allergy you would notice a difference if not then you'd go back to your original milk

Twinkletoes2018 · 07/01/2018 20:45

We also saw a qualified osteopath (not a cranial one) her neck was quite stiff from how she had been in the womb I think I did notice some difference after the treatment . This was when she was 6 weeks old

Lordofmyflies · 07/01/2018 21:03

I absolutely agree - Hotpinkparade. My point was that postgraduate training in cranial work is not regulated and of varying duration and quality, thus cranial osteopaths can vary in their approach and effectiveness.

TheGirlWithAllTheFeathers · 07/01/2018 21:30

I really feel for you. But know this, you don't hate your baby. You love him but you are being driven to distraction by him. I would talk with DH and book one weekend a month away from baby. One weekend - could be at a B&B or a travel lodge. You leave milk behind and you go. You need sleep and perspective. You KNOW this stage will pass.

NameChange30 · 07/01/2018 21:48

OP well done for getting an appointment with the helpful GP. When is it? I suggest you go in with a list of questions/requests to remind yourself and help you be assertive. It’s a shame we have to be pushy but sometimes it’s the only way.

PPs, let’s not derail too much with the osteopathy debate - I think we can agree it wouldn’t be relevant or useful to the OP anyway.

hollowtree · 08/01/2018 01:01

OP... DD has just had her 3rd jabs and has screamed for 48+ hours and all I keep thinking is: you are a fucking hero.

Absofrigginlootly · 08/01/2018 01:21

Been wondering how you are OP....

I couldn’t bring myself to waste resources at the hospital

You wouldn't be!!! I say this as an ex-NHS Nurse, who used to work in HV and was strongly hinted at by my neighbour HV to attend A&E with my DD. You have tried to get help through primary care and your baby has been left untreated and distressed. To seek out specialist secondary care for a distressed baby is not a waste of resources. Please don't feel like that.

If it's too long to wait for your helpful GP appointment and your baby is really suffering then PLEASE go to A&E.... silent reflux is horrible. If you ever had reflux in pregnancy I'm sure you can sympathize with how babies with silent reflux feel.

I'm not trying to make you feel bad. I'm saying your GP has let your baby down as a patient.

Snortles · 08/01/2018 01:32

I feel for you OP. DS1 was bf. He screamed and screamed day and night and was surgically attached to me until he was about 10 months old. Or maybe even older. He would comfort feed all through the night and then vomit constantly. He had a traumatic birth and I regret not trying Cranial Osteopathy as was suggested, perhaps it may have eased some of his discomfort.

Main symptoms were -
Extreme clinginess
Very little and restless sleep
Excessive crying as if in pain
Very windy
Silent reflux
Projectile vomiting
Weird smelling poo
Constipation

GP prescribed infant Gaviscon which didnt help. His first year of life was a huge blur for me but we got through it, and he was never diagnosed with anything despite numerous tests including poo sample testing. He is 8 now, thin as a rake as he is not a great eater. Still suffers constipation occasionally and is awfully windy poor kid, still not figured out the reason for it.

Myheartbelongsto · 08/01/2018 03:12

Oh you poor thing op, I would feel exactly the same! You're doing you're best I can see that.

Do you have a friend you can confide in?

Please go back to your doctor, this amount of crying is not usual x

Dawnhart · 09/01/2018 23:51

This sounds like my life 3 years ago. My first baby.... i didnt understand what was going on. I cried, she cried, we never slept. I thought oh god this is what babies do! I didnt think i was going to make it! I talked to my doctor lots with no resolve. Still not sure what was wrong with her. She threw up a ton... lost alot of weight. At 6 months i couldn't take it anymore. I switched bee to a good formula and she became your normal baby! She was super happy, slept through the night. I really really feel for you and understand. Hang in there!! Force people to help you! You need it. This is not normal and not something you should do on your own. Maybe your husband can work less. If you don't figure something out this situation could turn into something horrible.

Leigha3 · 10/01/2018 00:17

Could there be an undiagnosed medical issue? My BIL was said to be like that as a baby. He got stuck in the birth canal and apparently it caused something to be out of whack with his head and cause constant pressure on his head with constant headaches to go with it. A specialist fixed the issue and the 7 month crying nightmare ended.

Amd724 · 10/01/2018 00:19

Hope you’re doing better. My 8 week old baby was diagnosed about a month ago. Luckily I only had to go through 2 weeks of hell. I was also lucky because I ran into my consultant in a store. She asked me how I was doing with the 2nd degree tear I had, that she stitched up. She saw my daughters rash on her face and immediately asked how she was feeding. I told her how my daughter would cry during feeds (bottle and expressed breast milk), was extremely windy, was in clear pain while trying to process the milk, cried for hours and hours after feeds, and barely slept. I told her how we’ve tried comfort milk (as suggested by the health visitor), infacol, gripe water, etc.. She stopped me, and said, this is a milk intolerance. I said, I think it is too but my GP isn’t interested. She asked me who my GP was, got on her phone and called the office! Said her name, she was a very experienced consultant at the hospital so every GP office in my city knows of her, said my name and my daughter. Told them that my daughter was showing clear signs of a milk intolerance and possibly an allergy. Said I needed an emergency appointment, which I received a telephone appointment that afternoon. They scheduled an urgent appointment for the next morning. Within two minutes of listening to me, the new GP gave me a prescription for Aptamil Pepti 1. I picked it up the next day as my chemist was out of stock.

If it wasn’t for that one consultant who was on my side, I think my little girl would still be in agony. Instead, she’s sleeping 5-6 hours at night, sleeps between feeds, and is clearly a happier baby. She takes her feeds, is still a bit windy but is significantly more manageable. Her rash disappeared in three days of the new formula. A week later and she was a completely new baby.

You and your baby deserve better. I really hope they finally listen to you. If they don’t please go to A&E or call the out of hours doctor. And refuse to leave until you’ve been helped.

Sillybilly1234 · 10/01/2018 00:22

My ds cried a lot and had one ear infection after another. Once he cried nonstop for 10 hours.

Doctors just kept giving antibiotics.

One day I burst into tears and said there had to be more to it. It is not normal and the crying and obvious pain was just unfair on him. She said could be an allergy.

Doctors at the hospital tested him and they said he had an allergy to breast and formula milk. Lactose issues. Had to give him alpro milk. Yuk.

Eventually he grew out of it. We had to gradually reintroduce normal milk by mixing and gradually increasing the normal milk proportion.

He is fine now.

Good luck. It is really hard being a parent.

Gidget16 · 10/01/2018 15:46

Hi there “somebodyhelpmeplease”- not sure you’ll see this as you’ve so many replies already. But I have been there with my now 4 year old. It was torture. She had silent acid reflux so we didn’t know for weeks why she was screaming so much. She also barely slept or took naps. So - my advise re: what worked (although I did need to keep changing things when one thing stoppped working) was 1) Losec. This was the medicine I had to give her. It really helped. 2) our her cot at a slight angle for sleeping so reflux wouldn’t go back up 3) if you’re breastfeeding this should soothe your baby but if not-you can get bottles that help with gas /reducing reflux. They need to be teets with a hole slightly smaller than what other babies are up to on their bottles so the milk/formula goes in slower. Another thing - bring the baby to a baby chiropractor..... I was told wth all the discomfort my baby could also have a slight misalignment- so I brought her. It seemed to help a little. And don’t be afraid to use a dummy if you’re refraining- it simply soothes them.
You’re probably doing or have tried all of the above. But unfortunately all I can advise is when you find anything that helps, just do that so you can all get sleep and rest. And worry about breaking any habits later. Trust me- you’ve pleanty of time to break habits. Here’s wishing you some relief soon. Xxxx

Trinity66 · 10/01/2018 16:07

You poor thing, it sounds like a similar story to what my DH tells me his son (my DSS) was like as a baby and up to about 6 months of age. Him and his ex were in and out of hospital with him because he cried all day and night and wouldn't eat much, there was obviously something up with him but they never found out what it was, one day he said he was sitting down eating his breakfast of wheatabix and he offered his DS a spoon and he ate it, so he gave him another and then another and that was that, he just improved from then on (of course I'm not suggesting wheatabix cured him lol but one day he just seemed to be ok for whatever reason, odd. Poor you though, it must be so tough, everythings seems so bad when you're tired as well, I hope it gets better for you soon

Amoregentlemanlikemanner · 10/01/2018 17:09

Don't want to derail the thread but if anyone still cares about the cranial osteopathy discussion upthread I asked my son's osteopath about it earlier today and will link to a separate thread to tell what he said if anyone can be bothered!
speak up if you still care !

Technonan · 10/01/2018 17:12

I don't know if this will be of any use. My brother cried like this for the first two years of his life. He then developed in infection in his foreskin. The paediatrician said it was very tight, and he was circumcised. After that, he slept like a dream. He must have been in pain for most of those two years, but no one spotted the problem. It's just a thought.

Jobjobjob · 10/01/2018 21:01

I don't know if this will be of any use. My brother cried like this for the first two years of his life. He then developed in infection in his foreskin. The paediatrician said it was very tight, and he was circumcised. After that, he slept like a dream. He must have been in pain for most of those two years, but no one spotted the problem. It's just a thought.

Do you know what, it's that type of lovely info sharing that makes mumsnet so useful!

Even if it doesn't help this particular mum, it may make another who had never thought of this issue!

Well done Thanks

FancyS · 10/01/2018 22:53

I don’t know your financial situation but I do know how you’re feeling and when I felt like this with Second DC I put him in nursery for two morning sessions a week. Obviously it can be costly (and did feel a bit like a cop out) but I’d drop him off (and the staff were wonderful and attentive so he was in great hands) and I’d go home, clean up, have a shower and lunch and collect him after lunch. I sometimes use to pick him up a little early as I missed him even though I’d ran down to nursery to drop him off.
It will get better, I promise. X

Mcarroll · 11/01/2018 06:40

Hi darling. I am so sorry you are both going through this. It sounds very much like it was with my daughter. Drs said it couldn't be lactose intolerance because she had some but not all symptoms. But after speaking with other mums who had children with a lactose intolerance, i trialled her on lactose free formula and the crying from the discomfort and pain stopped. It may be worth a go.

Swizzlegiggle · 11/01/2018 06:51

Please insist on a referral and be persistent with your GP OP- both mine had milk allergies and it was utterly miserable for them and me until they were diagnosed. Once they were prescribed a milk suitable for them they were like different babies. Good luck it sounds like you are having a really tough time but are doing a great job

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