Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To have lost any remaining shred of belief that this country gives a toss about women and girls?

156 replies

Betti935 · 04/01/2018 22:38

Just within the last couple of days we have had:

Theodore Johnson repeatedly released from prison to kill more women:

www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2018/jan/02/man-pleads-guilty-murdering-ex-girlfriend-angela-best-theodore-johnson

John Worboys, one of the UK's most prolific rapists, being released from prison:

www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-london-42571219

And now child rapists being spared jail because sex with girls who are a) under the age of consent and b) 'out of it' on the drugs they plied them with can apparently be 'consensual'.

metro.co.uk/2018/01/04/mothers-anger-two-men-spared-jail-sex-14-year-old-girls-7203852/

Angry Mumsnet doesn't have an angry enough smiley for how I feel.

OP posts:
surferjet · 05/01/2018 10:40

I’m just going on what I read & hear in the media about Uber, their track record is awful.

Uber drivers accused of 32 rapes and sex attacks on London passengers over the past year

New statistics reveal one assault every 11 days last year by drivers on popular car-hire app

Uber hits back at claims of thousands of rape and sexual assault complaints

These are just a few headlines.

I’m not reading this about teachers, doctors, or any other profession.

So, if I wanted to start a revolution & make a point, I’d start with the obvious & stop using this particular company.

Gileswithachainsaw · 05/01/2018 10:44

And what about the fact that most adults and assults are by people they know?

You realise this applies to school friends, teachers, Drs?

What you are suggesting is women taking the responsibility for having a vagina ready for some raping man's penis.

How do you propose people get to Work?

Gileswithachainsaw · 05/01/2018 10:44

Rapes.
Not adults. Stupid autocorrect

WhatALoadOfOldBollocks · 05/01/2018 10:46

When I'm in this kind of black mood, I feel like starting a war
So do I. I have a fantasy hit list, where I pick these scumbags off one by one with my sniper rifle. Ah, many a happy hour spent on that little daydream.

QuentinSummers · 05/01/2018 10:47

surfer. Tell you what, why don't you pop onto pistonheads and ask the guys over there to show some solidarity with women by bycotting Uber. Let us know what they say

WelshMoth · 05/01/2018 11:42

Quentin I didn't thank you for posting the suggested changes that could be made to legislation. My MP is quite proactive so I'm going to write to her.

Playing devil's advocate here but maybe surfer has a point in that we should try and achieve what is doable and it is VERY doable to boycott a service. It's a start and it may gain attention and momentum and hopefully a snowball effect.

We need anyone, man or woman, in the eye of the media, to be vocal and say that this is wrong. I'd march, I'd protest, I'd be more vocal
If I knew that more and more would get behind it.

I'm sick of this shit and getting increasingly angry when I see my DD's grow. Angry because I know the day is coming where they are going to be exposed to the same
Shit, the same misogyny, the same harassment, the same danger.

NewspaperTaxis · 05/01/2018 11:49

Only flying by, but some mass demonstration by women in the West End and on Parliament is long overdue imo. People get out for a Royal Wedding/Funeral but really that's small fry compared to the big issues, like this. I'm a bloke, which I say as I feel somehow to declare an interest on threads like this, and it amazes me, for instance, there hasn't been a mass demo to get more women MPs, rather than just waiting for some white male establishment figures to 'allow' it.

It seems that women generally are slightly constrained in expressing their anger, having still to present themselves as respectable delicate flowers even though everyone knows that isn't the case anymore, you may know it but not yet feel it. Same way that for years women knew they didn't have to keep silent about Weinstein-style abuse, but all the same didn't quite feel they could cut loose on it. Men had their angry young man phase (though not anymore, it's deemed 'abuse and intimidation') but women yet to have their equivalent it seems to me.

QuentinSummers · 05/01/2018 12:23

Million women rise is on Saturday 10th March this year for those who do want to protest. Search for them on Facebook for more info

NewspaperTaxis · 05/01/2018 13:38

Yes, I guess so QS, though I always had more the parliamentary underrepresentation in mind for a march/demo. The anti-violence against women protest - can't argue about that - but it seems quite generalised and non-specific. It's like marching in favour of world peace, almost. No one is really quite going to be against it, so it's a case of so what then? Must admit I hadn't quite heard of that march you link to in The Guardian, but that's my lookout.

Also, it talks about being against male violence against women, nothing to argue with there, but you've got half the population rightly or wrongly feeling a bit guilty and awkward right there hearing/reading about it. A march against a specific grievance helps eliminate that as blokes will think, right no way am I like the specific instances mentioned.

Now, why should anyone care if blokes feel that way anyhow? Fair enough, but it seems across the board that if you have a power group and you are trying to change that, then vested interests - whether they see it that way or not - are not going to be too obliging. It's almost as simple and straightforward as male golfers barring female members. It's a case of when and how it gets to a tipping point.

RubyLennoxExists · 05/01/2018 13:45

I don't know how people defend them. I have an acquaintance who defends these type of people. We frequently ask her why, she takes the view "everyone is entitled to a defence" which I find questionable (even if that is our legal system) but also why you have to tear the victim to shreds in the process is disgusting. I don't know how she sleeps at night to be honest.
Because when a lawyer defends someone they don't know whether the person is guilty or not - it is the job of the jury, having heard all the evidence, to make that decision. If you take the view that certain people aren't entitled to a defence because all the prosecution evidence appears to stack up against them then you may as well do away with trials and get the police and CPS to make the decision as to guilt and sentencing themselves.

But regarding the recent news stories, I agree with OP that they say a lot about every woman's perceived worth. Once found guilty the sentences should actually mean something, Warboye's sentence is derisory.

HamishBamish · 05/01/2018 13:48

I agree OP, it's absolutely appalling. I wonder if some of these Judges are so old school that they are unfit for their roles. The comments some of them have made about the victims are so incredible, it's amazing they are allowed to continue.

QuentinSummers · 05/01/2018 14:36

Can I suggest you read This news?
victimfocus.wordpress.com/2018/01/03/stop-asking-me-what-about-men/

Violence against women and girls is a huge huge systematic problem, as demonstrated by the articles linked in the OP. Men damn well should feel uncomfortable about that. If they genuinely want to change this, they need to get over any guilt and awkwardness and acknowledge the shit state of affairs.
Otherwise it looks like men are suggesting it's more important for their feelings to be protected than for violence against women to be acknowledged and tackled.

KarlosKKrinkelbeim · 05/01/2018 16:34

She’s laughing at you not the thread, surferjet, as am I. You don’t like it, stop giving us the material.

surferjet · 05/01/2018 17:01

Oh you’re both laughing at me?

What’s funny about someone wanting to
Boycott a company like Uber? A company whose workforce sexually assult women on a regular basis.
Why does that make you laugh?

The80sweregreat · 05/01/2018 17:10

Its all so depressing. Ashamed of the system that allows this to happen.

tonysopranostherapist · 05/01/2018 17:12

"you can’t be outraged about one rapist & then get in an Uber"

Well actually, you can. It's just that small-minded victim-blamers might say something stupid about it.

user764329056 · 05/01/2018 17:17

Let’s make the Million Women Rise march count for something, as someone upthread said thousands will turn out for the royal wedding, I won’t be one of them, not my thing, but if we can try and energise all of us who feel so much anger let’s show our support at the march, it’s a start, Black Lives Matter started out the same way and are now high profile

Eltonjohnssyrup · 05/01/2018 17:21

I don't use Uber because I choose not to support a company whose vetting is so lax there are so many crimes associated with them. I also don't use black cabs in the place I live because they have been associated with multiple crimes and corruption in their licensing. It's more a matter of self preservation and previous bad experiences than protest though.

Everybody locally knows half the time the cab is not being driven by the person it's licensed to because they rent them out when they're not working. And if you're female alone and have had a drink you're apparently fair game. Lost count of the amount of times I've been propositioned. Even after making a point of mentioning my husband and children.

I've come to the conclusion I'm safer on the bus and a short walk home than alone in a car with a man.

Eltonjohnssyrup · 05/01/2018 17:22

At least there are other people on the bus and I can run away on the walk home if nec!

WelshMoth · 05/01/2018 23:46

tombs
Your link has expired, I think.

ConkerGame · 06/01/2018 00:18

I completely agree. And yes quentin - excellent suggestions, please do send them to your MP/ equalities minister / justice minister

gunsandbanjos · 06/01/2018 08:28

This beggars belief, we really are an underclass aren’t we.

I’ve signed the petition and tweeted it, I feel so powerless though.

ForalltheSaints · 06/01/2018 08:33

We have a woman prime minister, a woman home secretary (for nine of the last ten years), had a woman justice minister, and yet it seems we have gone backwards in protection for women (and indeed men from ethnic minorities). Police cuts, poor justice system, more women in poverty.