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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Can not accept partners dog

171 replies

SugarBlossom92 · 04/01/2018 16:17

Iv been with my partner for 6 months he makes me really happy and we get on amazing apart from the issue of his dog.

When we met neither of us were looking for a relationship but that soon changed , We got together after a couple of months, we was originally just seeing each other once a week I was travelling to him ( we live about 30 miles apart) but we grew more and more attached to each other so about 2 and a half months in he started coming to my house regularly and staying over alot. The thing is though he would always have to bring his dog as he obviously couldn't leave it alone.

I have tried and tried to adjust to the dog but it is a really destructive dog and has chewed my bathroom floor, a whole skirting board and the wall behind it , a trampoline, door frame, an outdoor pipe which then caused a leak from my bath and many other things. He steals any food given the chance and wants constant attention from my partner he hates to be left alone for any period of time. Baring in mind I have no dogs of my own and don't like them that much myself, I have tried and tried to adjust to having this dog in my home but I am so unhappy with the damage he has caused to my home it is causing me so much stress and resentment would I be unreasonable to consider ending the relationship over the dog even though I love my partner very much? I have spoke to him about my frustrations and he kinda understands but says if I want to be with him I must accept his dog and I should of thought about this in the beggining, but the thing is I never knew we would get so serious and I did not know his dog was so badly behaved.

OP posts:

Sirzy · 04/01/2018 16:19

You need to either accept the dog or end the relationship - what is the alternative?

Figrollsnotfatrolls · 04/01/2018 16:19

Suggest kennels for when bf is visiting and most definitely dog training classes or your relationship won't stand a chance.
And bill him for the damages.
If he won't pay up then ltb.

mustbemad17 · 04/01/2018 16:19

My dog came as part of my family along with DD. When i moved in with my then partner, there was no question that the dog came.
That said, I would never have allowed my dog to destroy the place. She was an oldie & sometimes went to the loo indoors when left, so we started leaving her in the kitchen for easy clean up. Had she been destructive & my partner called me out on it i'd have dealt with it!!!

gamerchick · 04/01/2018 16:19

Don’t move in together, go to his house for overnights and eventually the dog will die?

19lottie82 · 04/01/2018 16:21

I agree with the statement, there are no bad dogs, just bad owners.

If the dog is destructive it’s an issue your partner needs to deal with.
Chances are it’s unsettled in a new environment. Your partner needs to train it accordingly.

EarthwormsAndSnails · 04/01/2018 16:21

My pets are like my children. I personally could never be with someone who doesn't like animals. Animals/small children cause damage to your furniture sometimes, it's part of life. He could go to some training classes so it doesn't happen again.

Open up your heart to the dog. Dogs are the most loyal, loving creatures there can be.

ALLIS0N · 04/01/2018 16:22

You are not compatible , it’s ok to end it.

MotherCupboard · 04/01/2018 16:25

How much can you really love someone when you've only known them 6 months? You're not compatible because he loves this dog and you hate it. Time to cut your losses and find someone who doesn't have a dog.

Northernpowerhouse · 04/01/2018 16:25

Has he repaired the damage/paid for it?

Wolfiefan · 04/01/2018 16:25

Is it the dog or the poor behaviour?
It needs to have a safe space where it can't chew and destroy.
He needs to tackle the separation anxiety.
Or leave it in a kennel overnight.

ilovekitkats · 04/01/2018 16:27

He should be mortified that his dog is destroying your house and pay for any damages. It really isn't fair for him to expect you to put up with that sort of behaviour from the dog if it is so badly behaved.

I don't see a future in the relationship if you can't accept the dog though.

BertrandRussell · 04/01/2018 16:27

Some dogs are awful. Because they have been really badly trained. You shouldn't have to put up with the damage- talk to him about retraining?

bluebird3 · 04/01/2018 16:28

He's not going to get rid of the dog, so you can either leave or work on the problem. Go to his house so dog isn't at yours, get a dog behaviourist in, and have bf pay for damages and the training. Those are your options.

FluffyWuffy100 · 04/01/2018 16:28

The dog sounds an absolute nightmare.... but I can't really see a future if you don't like the dog.

Original poster

SugarBlossom92 · 04/01/2018 16:30

I wouldn't expect him to get rid of his dog for me that is why I'm considering ending the relationship because the longer we continue the worse it's going to be to end it, we have been moving really fast and love each other very much. I treat the dog really well and play with him give him attention ect but after having them here regulary for the past 4 months i don't see how I can be with him and be happy living alongside the dog. The dog is 1 year old now so was 6 months when me and my partner got together and it has always destroyed his house too but he would always say he would grow out of it and It was because he was young.

OP posts:

SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 04/01/2018 16:30

How old is the dog?

Nomoretears56 · 04/01/2018 16:31

Hmmmm!! Seems to be a lot of people getting their knickers in a knot over badly behaved dogs in the last few days!!

Trinity66 · 04/01/2018 16:32

Yeah he's still a puppy pretty much, he probably will grow out of it, does your b/f repair the damage though since its his dog in your house?

peppapigwouldmakelovelyrashers · 04/01/2018 16:34

do you want to be with someone who would choose a dog over you?

wiltingfast · 04/01/2018 16:34

Hmm

You're only together a few months and he already thinks the dog is more important.

Bit of an eye opener there.

I'd definitely scale back the relationship and see how you both feel after a few months. For now say no more dog in your house. If he doesn't want to come on that basis, well the relationship will peter out naturally.

If he does, it might push him to take the dog issue seriously and at least try training if he wants you to accept having the dog in your home.

It's just not acceptable to say you have to put up with it. You're going to have to show him that actually, you don't.

KayaG · 04/01/2018 16:34

End the relationship it isn't going to work but make sure he pays for the repairs needed.

KenForPM · 04/01/2018 16:34

EarthWormsandSnails did you actually read what damage the dog had caused? It wasn’t just a bit, it was loads. OP has said they’ve tried to be accommodating but is becoming stressed at how much the dog has destroyed. There must be a limit surely??

mustbemad17 · 04/01/2018 16:35

He just needs some training - on the destruction front & the possible SA. Your boyfriend isn't doing the dog any favours leaving the issues hoping they will change.

I'd never get rid of my dogs for a relationship, they were around first. That said, I would understand someone walking away if I wasn't willing to work on my dog's issues

Original poster

SugarBlossom92 · 04/01/2018 16:36

I do not hate the dog but neither can I live a happy life with an animal which is poorly trained and destroying my home. Iv spoke many times to my parnter about solutions and training him better and while he agrees he doesn't do much about it and puts it down to 'oh he's still a baby' and yes he has paid for most of the damage but not all of it. And I think we're coming up to the point where If we have a future long term I have to accept the dog but I know I will be stressed/ resentful but my question is whether I'm being selfish ending the relationship over a dog?

OP posts:

Nanny0gg · 04/01/2018 16:38

Why isn't he training the dog?

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