Can not accept partners dog

[SugarBlossom92]

Iv been with my partner for 6 months he makes me really happy and we get on amazing apart from the issue of his dog.

When we met neither of us were looking for a relationship but that soon changed , We got together after a couple of months, we was originally just seeing each other once a week I was travelling to him ( we live about 30 miles apart) but we grew more and more attached to each other so about 2 and a half months in he started coming to my house regularly and staying over alot. The thing is though he would always have to bring his dog as he obviously couldn't leave it alone.

I have tried and tried to adjust to the dog but it is a really destructive dog and has chewed my bathroom floor, a whole skirting board and the wall behind it , a trampoline, door frame, an outdoor pipe which then caused a leak from my bath and many other things. He steals any food given the chance and wants constant attention from my partner he hates to be left alone for any period of time. Baring in mind I have no dogs of my own and don't like them that much myself, I have tried and tried to adjust to having this dog in my home but I am so unhappy with the damage he has caused to my home it is causing me so much stress and resentment would I be unreasonable to consider ending the relationship over the dog even though I love my partner very much? I have spoke to him about my frustrations and he kinda understands but says if I want to be with him I must accept his dog and I should of thought about this in the beggining, but the thing is I never knew we would get so serious and I did not know his dog was so badly behaved.

Ohfortuna said it perfectly. Be careful OP.
Detangle yourself before it is too late.

A destructive dog is a bored dog. He needs more attention and exercise.

DTB...dump the b....

Lots of red flags for me too!

I think I would’ve cracked much sooner and banned the dog, although I can see you’d feel too guilty about it as the dog is clearly bored as it is.

I also don’t see you as not liking dogs, you’ve been more than accommodating to a destructive houseguest. You’re also not making him choose between you and the dog.

Anyway, YANBU, you can choose to end this relationship because of the dog.

Op YANBU.....

I have had large dogs all my life

They need a couple of hours off lead exercise with training too.. daily, every single day come rain or shine.

They need constant supervision and training for the first 6 months or so. Then still regular training.

They need to be crate trained, so wherever the house they are in is they can go to or be put in a quiet safe space for a period of time, ie whilst family are eating if they will not behave around food.

That is just the begining, if he is not doing these basic things now this is a really big issue.

I am looking at my current 6 month old pup at my feet, and thinking of the many , many hours of slog to get him to only chew his toys, sit under the table whilst we eat, not go upstairs, not jump up, come back when called, let us know when he needs the toilet.
( he has not had an accident since 4 months old)

This is not normal healthy dog behavior, none of my large breeds has ever chewed, skirtings or doorframes, or flooring. he is underexercised, undertrained, and frankly it is sad to hear....also this is not a type of dog you want to be undisciplined as he must be very big and strong.

Your Dp sounds incapable of taking proper responsability.

I would not tolerate my house being damaged to a fraction of what you describe, by even my own dog!

Sorry op but l don't see a future here.

You will never ever be able to trust this man with your children because the dog will be there and he can't be trusted to supervise and discipline the dog properly

Remember it's not selfish to end a relationship that doesn't work for you, if he does accuse you of being selfish then it's just a tactic to try and make you feel guilty and manipulate you into doing what he wants and what suits him

I had to look after my brothers dog for about a month, who acted just like your OHs. I ended up making it a ‘safe space’ for when nobody was around. I essentially made my dining room into a dog proof room and he couldn’t destroy anything, I filled it with toys and bones and things.
Crate training is possible at the young age too, but of course this is just for when he would be alone you can’t just leave him cooped up all day!

And start disciplinary, maybe take him to dog training groups - you’ll be surprised how effective they are and how much happier trained dogs are. Dogs don’t like being high in the pack, they prefer it further down as it’s less stress

Him ‘disciplining’ the dog after he has failed to properly care for the dog is so wrong. Dogs have no concept of humans ideas of right and wrong, they do what works for them, if the dog does something you (plural) deem to be wrong, it’s on your boyfriend. Caging or shouting or any of the disproven, dangerous ‘pack/dominance’ myths is only going to cause more issues. Your boyfriend needs to start from basic puppy behaviour, house training, mentally stimulate the —fucking insane— combination of breeds he has chosen, manage the separation anxiety and use modern, science based behaviourists advice. Whatever he’s doing now (fuck all?) clearly isn’t working.
Anyway, the sole point of a relationship is that it’s meant to be fun and enhance your life. A dog is a 12+ year commitment to the dog, that’s what your boyfriend has chosen and it’s his responsibility. You don’t share the same outlook on life that dog lovers do and your bloke is a shite dog owner with a powerful, uncontrolled dog. Doesn’t look great.

Was there an outcome on this thread? Interested to know due to current issues with our dog

You are not being unreasonable. Dogs live by pack rules and being closest to the alpha is better. You are coming between him and the alpha so he (the dog) is taking action. www.bookdepository.com/Whats-Your-Dog-Telling-You-Australias-Best-Known-Dog-Communicator-Explains-Your-Dogs-Behaviour-Martin-McKenna/9780733329364?ref=grid-view&qid=1529716549452&sr=1-1 is just a wonderful resource explaining all that. Your new partner needs to organise the dog with appropriate exercise, training and reinforcement. If that doesn't happen, you will need to decide what you want in your house and it may not include this bloke.

The idea that dogs live by ‘Pack rules’ and need their humans in the ‘Alpha’ role is complete nonsense that been thoroughly and repeatedly debunked. It is an out of date and potentially damaging theory that is not backed up in any way by science and is not used or promoted by modern dog behaviourists and trainers. Please ignore ignore ignore.

The pack theory model gained popularity a few years ago because it sounds plausible and the training methods make for good TV (bloody Cesar Milan etc ).

Trainers using this theory can look as if they get results quickly but they only work to remove the symptoms of problem behaviour, not the root causes, so the problems invariably return, and often get worse.

Googling ‘Positive Dog Training’ will show you loads of resources, books etc on much more modern, scientific and kinder methods.

I agree with TheSandgroper and all PPs about the dog needing appropriate training and exercise though.

Feel very sorry for this dog as it sounds like it is very sweet natured but is in danger of being completely ruined by the lack of stimulation and decent, positive training.

Read the whole thing, you aren't being selfish at all.

This isn't a case of 'dislikes the dog', this is a huge fundamental in the common sense and attitude of your partner - in that he has not the first clue in how to handle his dog.

I'd look at this with 2 options:

1. Does he admit that he has taken on a dog he can't cope with and is he willing to get help with it. He needs to give it far more exercise and get in someone to teach HIM how to train the dog, go back to basics with crate training and other things (example disciplining dogs doesnt work, positive reinforcement does).

If he is able to change, then it could be worth a try.

1. If he carries on brushing it under the carpet or refusing to realise that is his own fault that his dog is so badly behaved then I'd honestly move on.

I only say this because I have been there with an ex, albeit it was his parents animals. There was just such a disparity in the ways we treated animals that the relationship would never have worked out - amongst other factors of course.

YANBU and you have to let him go.
It's not just the dog, it's his attitude to the dog.
And now I've seen what type of dog it is as well, and that you have children, I'd definitely end this one - it's just not worth it.
I've just been on another thread where a MIL thinks her DS and DDIL are being over-precious because they won't allow their 1yo anywhere near the MIL's aggro dog - there is a horrible video on there of a dog attack on a baby and many sad stories>

This dog may be jealous and insecure at your house, he may be trying to assert his dominance, he may just be badly trained - but I wouldn't have him round my children for anything, and if your boyfriend can't see or deal with the issue appropriately, then he's not the man for you.
Sorry.

Oops - just seen this thread is several months old!
Hope you binned the bloke, OP.

Tell him xx

Dogs are part of the family, it’s hard to understand if you aren’t a dog person. But don’t end the relationship yet - get him to send dog to training, all dogs can be trained to be better behaved with consistency and time

I think somone having a dog is like dating somone who smokes or a vegan it’s a lifestyle thing and your lifestyles don’t mata h so he’s not really right for you

I wouldn’t be with somone who smoked

Oh and I wouldn’t be with somone who has dogs my best friend had a dog and I was actually relived when it died

She went and got another we don’t see each other much now