Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7

Original poster

Can not accept partners dog

171 replies

SugarBlossom92 · 04/01/2018 16:17

Iv been with my partner for 6 months he makes me really happy and we get on amazing apart from the issue of his dog.

When we met neither of us were looking for a relationship but that soon changed , We got together after a couple of months, we was originally just seeing each other once a week I was travelling to him ( we live about 30 miles apart) but we grew more and more attached to each other so about 2 and a half months in he started coming to my house regularly and staying over alot. The thing is though he would always have to bring his dog as he obviously couldn't leave it alone.

I have tried and tried to adjust to the dog but it is a really destructive dog and has chewed my bathroom floor, a whole skirting board and the wall behind it , a trampoline, door frame, an outdoor pipe which then caused a leak from my bath and many other things. He steals any food given the chance and wants constant attention from my partner he hates to be left alone for any period of time. Baring in mind I have no dogs of my own and don't like them that much myself, I have tried and tried to adjust to having this dog in my home but I am so unhappy with the damage he has caused to my home it is causing me so much stress and resentment would I be unreasonable to consider ending the relationship over the dog even though I love my partner very much? I have spoke to him about my frustrations and he kinda understands but says if I want to be with him I must accept his dog and I should of thought about this in the beggining, but the thing is I never knew we would get so serious and I did not know his dog was so badly behaved.

OP posts:

wiltingfast · 04/01/2018 16:39

Don't be daft. Of course it's not selfish to say you can't live with a dog if you don't want to. This is your life, not some chocolate!

Look at it this way.

Is it selfish to end a relationship because you won't train your dog? You bf is at minimum equally at fault here. You at least have tried, it doesn't appear he has at all.

constantchange · 04/01/2018 16:41

do you want to be with someone who would choose a dog over you

He already had the dog before he met OP. Why the heck should he give it up for a six month relationship?!

AdaColeman · 04/01/2018 16:41

If you were to live together you would be with the dog every day, how would you cope with that?

You are in the very early stages of your relationship, where you are both trying your hardest to impress the other person, and be seen in the best light. As part of that he is bringing a destructive dog into your home.
This is the very best the relationship will be, fun and carefree; yet you are unhappy.

Cut your losses, end the relationship, find someone who likes cats.

constantchange · 04/01/2018 16:41

OP why won't he crate it when unsupervised at yours?

peppapigwouldmakelovelyrashers · 04/01/2018 16:42

I didn't say he SHOULD. I'm asking about her boundaries and priorities.

I wouldn't want a man who would say "Sorry, can' be arsed to train my dog so he doesn't destroy your home, you have to put up with it to get me".
Hard pass, dude.

peppapigwouldmakelovelyrashers · 04/01/2018 16:42

can't

Original poster

SugarBlossom92 · 04/01/2018 16:42

The dog has just turned one. He knows the dog has issues his own dad won't allow the dog in his home because of how it behaves. The thing is if the dog hasn't done anything wrong for say a week my parnter will say oh he's being so well behaved see hes not a problem anymore , but it never lasts. I think the dog is going to need a lot of patience and alot of training but realistically it's not my dog and I don't have the patience to have my house destroyed and messed up in the mean time. The dog has often done a wee on the floor when I get up of a morning and makes a mess in any way that he can and he is always frantically trying to get everyone's food even though he has plenty of dog food. To be honest I'm at my wits end and pretty sick of it.

OP posts:

RhiannonOHara · 04/01/2018 16:42

my question is whether I'm being selfish ending the relationship over a dog?

No, if the dog is that much of a pain and a destructive force.

Of course it's not the dog's fault though; your BF sounds irresponsible, or thick, or maybe both. It needs training and then it needs responsible handling.

Have you said to him explicitly 'Get the dog trained better and learn how to handle it properly or I will dump you?' Maybe he needs to have it spelled out to him?

charlestonchaplin · 04/01/2018 16:43

Liking animals doesn't mean you want to live with one.

iloveruby · 04/01/2018 16:43

The dog isn't the issue, your boyfriend is.

He is showing himself to be irresponsible by not training the dog, as well as failing to meet its needs. If he did this (which is pretty basic dog ownership) then you wouldn't have the issue of the chewing and destructive behaviour.

Your boyfriend should be actively offering to sort the damage out as well as working with the dog to resolve its issues.

But, you have to ask yourself - if he is this poor with a dog (something he says he cares about) what is he going to be like with other adult responsibilities.

Do you really want a relationship with someone who is immature, selfish and irresponsible?

LouiseBrooks · 04/01/2018 16:43

If the dog was properly trained, would it make a difference?

If not, end the relationship. If so, make your boyfriend train his dog properly. It's his fault, not the dog's. It's only a pup and patently hasn't been trained.

FadedRed · 04/01/2018 16:45

To paraphrase an oft quoted MN favourite: you don't have a dog problem, you have a DP problem.
He has a young dog, who he too ignorant/lazy/chooses not to train or do what is necessary to make the dog a happy, secure and contented animal, and he doesn't give a damn about your property, or your distress.
Wonder what you find attractive in him TBH.

wiltingfast · 04/01/2018 16:45

Yes, agree you should spell it out. No need to go for a big dramatic end, just say kindly you are very sorry, but you can't have the dog in your house anymore.

He's very welcome but when he visits, he needs to make some other arrangement for the dog.

You could suggest formal training and say if dog is put through a course, you'll give him one more chance.

humblesims · 04/01/2018 16:46

Is it selfish to end a relationship because you won't train your dog? You bf is at minimum equally at fault here. You at least have tried, it doesn't appear he has at all
I agree with this. The dog needs training. Its not rocket science and if your BF took the time to do it (doesnt really take long) then it would show commitment and you could learn to accept the (well behaved) dog.

Poshindevon · 04/01/2018 16:47

Your partner is at fault here not the dog. The onus was on your partner to train the dog and that begins at an early age.
The attitude of he will grow out of it
Is ridiculous.
My dogs are trained from 16 weeks and continues until they are around 2 years old. I have never had any damage done to my home by my dogs.
There are no bad dogs there are bad owners and your partner is a lazy dog owner.

glow1984 · 04/01/2018 16:48

The dog needs training. I think you should push this.

There’s no need for your BF to visit you all the time, why don’t you visit him, to keep your house intact!

Doing those two things might save the relationship

Or you could just give up and say bye now

KingsX · 04/01/2018 16:48

I'd leave. There are other men. I would not have entertained the notion of being with someone who had a dog in the first place.

RhiannonOHara · 04/01/2018 16:49

if he is this poor with a dog (something he says he cares about) what is he going to be like with other adult responsibilities.

Yes, I think this too. It doesn't augur brilliantly. But if you tell him straight up what the problem is and the possible consequences, his response will be telling; if he takes it on the chin, listens and tries to effect change then he's a decent person, but if not then I don't know if he's worth keeping.

Original poster

SugarBlossom92 · 04/01/2018 16:49

He had already had the dog for 4 or 5 months when we met. We have discussed recently about crating it but he told me he destroys crates and gets out of them. It is a big dog ( a staff cross american bull dog) so he can get through pretty much anything. We had a talk couple of weeks ago an we came up with the solution was for them to spend not quite so much time here but even so that's only a temporary solution what about if we want to move it together. I'm currently preparing myself to tell him that the relationship isn't going to work I'm just dreading him maybe making me feel like im just being selfish.

OP posts:

MrsRyanGosling15 · 04/01/2018 16:50

Just end it op, he doesn't seem to have any intention of training it and you shouldn't have to live with an animal if you don't want to. My now DH had a dog when we first met. I made it clear I detest dogs and am very afraid of them. The dog now lives with his dm. (It always lived there as my DH did when we met, he just didn't take it with him) it genuinely would have been me or the dog.

ladystarkers · 04/01/2018 16:50

Keep the dog ina crate when not supervised or one room? You have a choice.

MelonKnee · 04/01/2018 16:51

he doesn't do much about it and puts it down to 'oh he's still a baby'

....and that's exactly when you're meant to be training them! so that they grow up with good behaviour habits.

OP, I love dogs but I couldn't handle your DP's lack of action in training his properly, especially as it's destroying your home and he knows how you feel about that.

ilovekitkats · 04/01/2018 16:51

You are not being selfish. You posted earlier that the dog is not allowed in his dad's house due to the damage, so that shows it is not just you who doesn't like the dog's behavour.

I can't imagine anyone wanting to put up with it, so any future relationships he has will be doomed too. He really needs to get the dog trained.

Nanny0gg · 04/01/2018 16:52

WHY WON'T HE TRAIN HIS DOG??

That is the crux of the matter.

And if it carries on like this, he's likely to cause problems with strangers and he may lose the dog anyway.

mustbemad17 · 04/01/2018 16:52

The thing is if the dog isn't crate trained you risk more issues by simply locking it in one. He needs to buck his ideas up

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7

Swipe left for the next trending thread