Can not accept partners dog

[SugarBlossom92]

Iv been with my partner for 6 months he makes me really happy and we get on amazing apart from the issue of his dog.

When we met neither of us were looking for a relationship but that soon changed , We got together after a couple of months, we was originally just seeing each other once a week I was travelling to him ( we live about 30 miles apart) but we grew more and more attached to each other so about 2 and a half months in he started coming to my house regularly and staying over alot. The thing is though he would always have to bring his dog as he obviously couldn't leave it alone.

I have tried and tried to adjust to the dog but it is a really destructive dog and has chewed my bathroom floor, a whole skirting board and the wall behind it , a trampoline, door frame, an outdoor pipe which then caused a leak from my bath and many other things. He steals any food given the chance and wants constant attention from my partner he hates to be left alone for any period of time. Baring in mind I have no dogs of my own and don't like them that much myself, I have tried and tried to adjust to having this dog in my home but I am so unhappy with the damage he has caused to my home it is causing me so much stress and resentment would I be unreasonable to consider ending the relationship over the dog even though I love my partner very much? I have spoke to him about my frustrations and he kinda understands but says if I want to be with him I must accept his dog and I should of thought about this in the beggining, but the thing is I never knew we would get so serious and I did not know his dog was so badly behaved.

YANBU

You wouldn't be ending the relationship because of the dog, you'd be breaking up because your bf is too lazy and uncaring to train it. Dogs need training in order to thrive and to avoid coming to harm.

He's the one being selfish, not you, by refusing to train the dog. YANBU! I love dogs but I couldn't put up with this amount of destruction and mess. I think you have reached the end of your tether. The warning signs are there that he promises to sort it but then does not follow through. He hasn't paid for all the damage. Does he do all the cleaning up of the messes? Any of it?

It's not selfish to not want your property destroyed!!

He is the one being selfish towards you and the poor dog!

I am a dog lover, but wouldn't put up with it.

Make sure he repairs or replaces all the damage and call off the relationship.

Hopefully that will motivate him to train the dog, and he might end up back in your life. If not, living with an ill behaved pooch will drive you to resentment.

He does discipline the dog every single time it does something wrong I don't know much about dog training though so iv always assumed he must not of trained it right for it to be so badly behaved or maybe it needs proffesional training. He treats the dog like abit of a baby though too. The reason he comes to my house is because I have children who stay at their dad's once a week so that's why to start with we only saw eachother once a week but once we grew closer he started to come to my home so we could spend more time together. I just don't know how to go from saying we will just spend a bit more time apart so the dog is here less, to then saying I don't see a future because I can't live with the dog.

The dog is destroying the house because he is bored, because he is a dog that needs time spent to exercise him properly and to provide him with stimulation in the home. He doesn't get what he needs for his age and breed type so the destruction starts as he tries to keep himself occupied. Crates are not cruel per se if used correctly but they are an aid, not jail for naughty dogs and shouldn't be used as such. Your boyfriend needs to man up and take the dog out for some decent exercise or look for a better home where the dog will be looked after properly. These issues are not the fault of the dog. Leaving your boyfriend will not solve the issues this dog faces.

I would end the relationship your partner clearly has no idea of how to train a dog and quite frankly shouldn’t have one.

My other concern is if you had children and the worry of having him around a child doesn’t bear thinking about.

Ending things my actually spring him into action to do something, if he’s happy to say goodbye to you it’s not meant to be.
Also when his dog destroys things in your home, does your partner pay to replace what’s been damaged because he should.

So he’s gone for a fashionable cross breed of two very large capable intelligent dogs, failed to bother with any training of any sort and then wonders why the dog is a pain in the arse? Has he got any experience of staffies or bull dogs? Probably not. Is he usually so dim?

As is always the case, your problem is with him, not the dog. Either he gets training or he puts it in kennels. He’s going to end up with a powerful problem dog if he’s not careful. He needs to wake up. Or there’ll be another uncontrollable dog in a dogs home through no fault of its own.

People like him make me furious.

Tell him you are prepared to try to make your relationship work by giving him the time to train his dog — set a time frame. He needs to consult a professional trainer or send the dog to Dog Borstal as per a tv programme a few years ago. This dog, because of its heritage, could become a menace if not properly trained. Your BF has to date not been properly motivated to train his dog. Things will just drag on unless he steps up and does something smartly.
The situation is becoming unbearable for you and it’s just not fair to expect you to accept it when his own father won’t.
Good luck

Because of the breed of dog that it is, it's really irresponsible for him not to train it.

He knows the dog has issues his own dad won't allow the dog in his home because of how it behaves

I would suggest you do the same as his father...or just end it.

He's being totally irresponsible and lazy. Dogs need to be trained and need mental stimulation as well as exercise.

He sounds as though he wants a trophy dog rather than a well behaved pet. He is doing neither himself or the dog any favours.

That is going to be a very strong dog, probably already is and your boyfriend needs to have firm control over his behaviour.

With it being such a young dog it's unlikely to be going anywhere soon. I would give him an ultimatum, start training within a couple of weeks or it's over. It is not acceptable for you to be expected to let your home be destroyed.

Oh and shouting at a dog after it’s done something wrong is a waste of time, the dog will have no memory of what it’s done. And he’d better not be hitting it either.

You wouldn't be ending the relationship because of the dog, you'd be breaking up because your bf is too lazy and uncaring to train it. Dogs need training in order to thrive and to avoid coming to harm.

^ This.

I love dogs. I think if this dog was very young (say still around 6 month mark) and your OH was showing me he was booking training classes, crate-training him maybe, basically just taking responsibility and making an effort to train the dog appropriately, I would be fine with that in the short-term, however annoying the damage would be. But in the long-term I wouldn't be willing to put up with that, more because it's clearly rectifiable (ie with appropriate training) and your OH doesn't respect you or the animal enough to take responsibility for his pet and do the training. I agree with PP who said this doesn't bode well for a future with him - I can't see him taking responsibility for other things in future either, I mean who gets a dog and then doesn't bother to train them? That's really irresponsible and tells you a lot about him as a person.

If I were you I'd issue the ultimatum - you take this dog to training classes and put in a proper effort to resolve this issue, or that's the end of the relationship. His response will tell you a lot about him either way.

He is still a puppy and they are destructive I’m afraid

I have a 2 year old and a new puppy who is 3 months

Apart from the kitchen, where there is very little they can damage, they are not left in a room alone for literally more than 2 minutes, otherwise they cause havoc! Not so much the 2 year old as he has quietened down a lot, but they refuse to be separated, which is actually quite lovely. I have always crate trained my dogs at night and when we go out, until they are around a year old, which has worked very well. Although he might object at first, dogs do adapt very quickly, could you consider a crate for when he’s alone? He will learn what he can and can’t do if he isn’t left alone where he can cause damage.

Regarding the food, this again can be trained out of him, but firstly you would need to train him to drop on command. I can eat my dinner on my knee with both dogs sat next to me and they won’t come near my plate .... the little one, not so much, it’s a work in progress

However the biggest thing that helps me and this might sound odd, is rewarding good behaviour and ignore bad. Obviously you can’t ignore them if they are doing damage, however it will work with the demanding of attention. My 2 year old loves a chasing and barking game with me and he got quite demanding about it (if my colleagues could see me they wouldn’t believe it). When he came to me and started barking, which was his way of starting the game, I crossed my arms and completely ignored him, however a while later, I got down onto the floor to play, he learnt within a couple of days that the playing was by MY invitation not his. I have elderly parents and from being little puppies, my parents totally ignored them and turned away if they started jumping up, but when they sat down, then they got the attention. They soon learn that jumping up gets them absolutely nothing.

You could consider getting a trainer/Dog behaviourist to visit. As I hadn’t had a puppy for over 10 years, I had someone come for around 2 hours for £75 it was worth every penny, his philosophy being that he trains the owners not the Dog.

It really is very doable with not a lot of work but the difference is I love dogs but I fully respect that it is different for you

Suggest he takes it for a loooong walk before bring it over, it’s obviously bored and not getting enough attention. Also suggest he puts the dog in a crate when left alone.

OP I just saw your most recent post, dogs should be trained with positive/reward-based training. Telling a dog off afterwards will not help at all, it will make the dog stressed, confused, and anxious, because they can't understand what they've done wrong, and it doesn't help at all in encouraging/incentivising the positive behaviours that you want. You don't own a dog and so it's not a big deal that you don't know this - but it's awful that your OH has a dog and doesn't seem to know this, or anything about how to train dogs!

Also, is this dog around your children? I'm not sure I'd be comfortable with that if he is very impulsive and not trained appropriately.

At a year old the dog is still a child really, so now is the important window for training.
You say your BF disciplines the dog, but that’s not the same thing.

I’d be a bit concerned your BF has a dog but can’t be bothered to train t, poor wee thing. It’s not a good indication of his attitude towards responsibilities in the future!

The issue isn't the dog, it's the fact that your partner cannot be bothered to train the dog or give it the necessary time and attention to stop it from destroying the place. Only bored and agitated dogs cause mayhem like that, mine has never done anything like that because he's fed good quality food, walked 2 hours a day and has lots of mental stimulation. It's not fair at all to blame the dog. Your partner sounds lazy and half arsed, that alone for me would be a deal breaker.

Is it fed Bakers or similar supermarket crap? It may account for a lot of the behaviour by the way.

Yanbu, your bf sounds like an irresponsible twat!

It is a big dog ( a staff cross american bull dog) so he can get through pretty much anything
I think this update changes my mind really. Its important to train all dogs but it is even more important to train these big heavy dogs. They can be very dangerous if they are not controlled appropriately. Trained well they can be great dogs but ...they are not 'babies' (you say he treats him like his baby). I would ditch him, sorry.

Apart from the damage to your home, you are also risking your children's safety by having a large, powerful and untrained dog around. I think you should end this relationship now.

JaneEyre70
Only bored and agitated dogs cause mayhem like that

And I wouldn't fancy having a bored, agitated adult dog of this breed anywhere near my kids and I believe the OP said she had kids

The dog is pretty obedient in front of him it's when his backs turned or he's left alone that he does things like when he's been left for half an hour in the back garden he destroyed the trampoline and then the pipe the next time and he's had a go at another pipe too. The dog can't even have a dog bed or he destroys it the first day he gets one. The other thing is theres a space between my kitchen and bathroom almost like a little room that is where the dog sleeps because there is no items in there to destroy but he chews up all the skirting boards and door frames in there and starts pulling the floor up of a night so I get up of a morning and go down to use the bathroom and always walk in to a wee on the floor ( he is usually house trained during the day) and the floor all half pulled up and his food all over the whole room and his water knocked I think he does it intentionally because he's bored. My partners spent the last 3 weeks here as I was unwell in hospital and come out of hospital so he stayes to look after me and every single day I have dreaded getting up to see the mess the dog has caused and it has gave me abit of insight what the future would be like.

The dog is not behaving badly it sounds like it is extremely anxious and has separation anxiety. Dogs also will chew out of frustration when they don’t get enough exercise. He needs to take care of his dog much better.