Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Women Baring their beasts at a fire engine......

295 replies

Hannah4banana · 03/01/2018 15:51

I was nightshift on New Years Eve into new year's day in the city centre tre. I couldn't believe it when a group of drunk ladies decided to flash at the guys in the fire engine I was in. I actually had to lock the cab door as they were trying to climb in when we were stopped at traffic lights.
Why the hell would anyone think that's acceptable in an emergency vehicle.
I was mortified for them!

OP posts:
Notreallyarsed · 04/01/2018 17:00

The same attitudes towards men were apparent when DP & BIL worked as door staff at a pub. When their female supervisor was groped, they quite rightly removed the offending arsehole and handed him to the police. Yet the same supervisor laughed and told them to man up whenever they were groped, licked (yes I know, it’s vile) and had random women grabbing their arse/crotch. They may not have been intimidated, but they were pissed off and have the right not to be groped. It’s not funny just because it’s not male on female, it’s all wrong.

DreamyMcDreamy · 04/01/2018 17:01

Then you say there's "no point" finding a quote of me denying it's harassment grin Hmmm. Could it actually because I haven't said that??!

SEXUAL harassment!!! Christ on a bike. YES you did! Again, no point because you just do not get it,even if you say you do.

Original poster
Hannah4banana · 04/01/2018 17:04

Notreallyarsed that's awful! The only time I felt really intimidated was actually at a women's hostel. I was approached by a woman, much bigger than me who invaded my space, said pretty sexual and derogorative comments and her advances were really not welcomed. I actually dread getting turned out there now! I'm a heterosexual married female and I certainly didn't enjoy that experience one bit!

OP posts:
Notreallyarsed · 04/01/2018 17:08

@Hannah4banana I confess to storming round to the pub one night and losing my shit because it was relentless, drunken women just behaving like thugs and perverts. But because they’re both big, burly ex squaddies it was laughed off!

Does your job have any kind of comeback when you’re abused/harassed at work? It’s shameful that anyone can be abused in such a way at work.

DreamyMcDreamy · 04/01/2018 17:09

Some posters were very quick to compare with men - refs to penises came about on PAGE ONE.

YES, because some utter planks cannot or will not see that men and women, yes both, you even said yourself eventually (even though you then twist in the next breath and say it's not) are capable of sexual harrassment.
It needed spelling out to those hard of thinking.

DreamyMcDreamy · 04/01/2018 17:13

. Yet the same supervisor laughed and told them to man up whenever they were groped, licked (yes I know, it’s vile) and had random women grabbing their arse/crotch. They may not have been intimidated, but they were pissed off and have the right not to be groped. It’s not funny just because it’s not male on female, it’s all wrong.

Well said.Why is it less of a sexual harassment if you're not physically threatened? Nobody has the right to be unwanted groped etc regardless of sex.

Original poster
Hannah4banana · 04/01/2018 17:15

Notreallyarsed we can submit a form kind of like an Injury report. I'll admit Ive never bothered but I spoke to my wm after it happened and explained how uncomfortable I felt. It's awful to admit but different things have happened to me and my male and female colleagues over the course of my career... Never from work colleagues always from members Of The public.
When you just want to get on with doing your job it's a pain in the a**e!

OP posts:
Fekko · 04/01/2018 17:28

I think women receiving sexual harassment are more likely to be fearful of a physical assault than men.

Convictions for rape and sexual assault stats for men on women are a hell of a lot higher than men/women on men. Men, I would guess, would worry more that they might be accused of assault if they brush off an aggressive approach by a (drunk) woman.

Doesn't make it less of an issue but it's not the same.

A group/single man getting boob-flashed won't have the thought running through his head "shit, where should I run, can I fight them off, should I scream for help, where's the nearest main road...?". I'm pretty sure a large amount of women have been in that situation.

TheGoldenBowl · 04/01/2018 17:31

Dreamy

Everyone understands that men and women can sexually harass. EVERYONE.

I didn't come in this thread to dispute that, though you seem to think I did, which you're basing on some posts you refuse to quote Grin

I don't quite know what you want from me. I've said women can sexually harass. And also that they did in fact do this in OP's example. But you keep saying I don't get it. Get what??? What else is there to get? Your point is simply: men and women can sexually harass. It's not exactly a sophisticated point.

My point is different. My point is as follows. I'm going to break it down for you. And number it. That way you can specfy precisely which bit you disagree with:

  1. On this thread...

  2. some posters (particularly around page 5)

  3. were suggesting that some women,

  4. by being less than 100% squeaky clean,

  5. are damaging their fight against

  6. the massive tide of institutionalised sexual harassment.

  7. In my opinion,

  8. this is grossly unfair.

  9. Women are already

  10. at a huge disadvantage in terms of

  11. sexual harassment.

  12. So, to suggest that a few women with their tits out

  13. are responsible for derailing the fight against Weinstein and friends

  14. is fucking obnxious.

  15. And misogynistic.

Notreallyarsed · 04/01/2018 17:34

@Hannah4banana it’s shocking to hear first hand what you all have to put up with. Emergency services in particular are people we should all be grateful for!!!

Dreamy that’s my point exactly. I know they weren’t intimidated, I’ve been sexually assaulted (sadly more than once) so I know exactly how intimidating and disempowering it is when it’s a much bigger man attacking you. That doesn’t mean I have the right to dismiss someone else being sexually assaulted because they weren’t afraid.

I also know that male on female violence and sexual violence is far, far more prevalent than female on male or same sex. That it is a huge problem, and needs to be addressed. But we cannot, and should not make that mean that unless it is male on female it is something to be laughed off, mocked or dismissed.

DreamyMcDreamy · 04/01/2018 17:36

I also know that male on female violence and sexual violence is far, far more prevalent than female on male or same sex. That it is a huge problem, and needs to be addressed. But we cannot, and should not make that mean that unless it is male on female it is something to be laughed off, mocked or dismissed.

Hear, hear to all of that.

Original poster
Hannah4banana · 04/01/2018 17:38

I think that the reason for the stats is that a lot of men dont report it out due to some of the comments that's been posted on here!

They liked it
They wanted it
They werent uncomfortable

Just shocking!

OP posts:
BishBoshBashBop · 04/01/2018 17:44

I also know that male on female violence and sexual violence is far, far more prevalent than female on male or same sex. That it is a huge problem, and needs to be addressed. But we cannot, and should not make that mean that unless it is male on female it is something to be laughed off, mocked or dismissed.

Well said.

Slarti · 04/01/2018 18:05

Golden My issue with your posts is that while you have eventually accepted that this was sexual harassment you seem to have done so very begrudgingly and under great duress, and seem unable to do so without saying "it's harassment but" and then comparing it to male harassment.

We know male harassment occurs more, is often more threatening and violent and is a bigger issue overall, but that's not what this thread was about. If this was a thread about any of those and someone was posting the dismissive and minimising posts you and others have I would think (and hope) that you'd be going fucking mad about that, because it's not on.

DreamyMcDreamy · 04/01/2018 20:13

We know male harassment occurs more, is often more threatening and violent and is a bigger issue overall, but that's not what this thread was about. If this was a thread about any of those and someone was posting the dismissive and minimising posts you and others have I would think (and hope) that you'd be going fucking mad about that, because it's not on.

Yes to all of this.

Willow2017 · 04/01/2018 21:21

Another who is not surprised men do not report harassment as much as women do judging by some of the replies on here.
Nothing like minimising, and telling men to man up, its just fun, go on you enjoyed it really etc.
Absutely appalling.
No one should feel harrassed anywhere by anyone its that simple.

limitedperiodonly · 05/01/2018 09:46

Some women let the rest of us down

grannytomine · 05/01/2018 11:34

Another who is not surprised men do not report harassment as much as women do judging by some of the replies on here. I'm not surprised and I don't think it is just harassment. My exDIL punched my son in the face, he had the baby in his arms and toddler on his lap. He was too embarrassed to report it, big strong bloke and poor little woman. He stayed as long as he could stand it because of the children but eventually had to leave as his mental health really suffered. Children lived with me for a time.

You hear it with teachers having inappropriate relationships with students, if it is a male teacher he is a paedophile, if it is a female teacher the student is regarded as lucky. Yes I have heard adults actually saying that with joking remarks about the French mistress.

I'm not excusing the male perpetrators in any of this but I do think when males are the victims they suffering is dismissed.

DeleteOrDecay · 05/01/2018 12:00

You hear it with teachers having inappropriate relationships with students, if it is a male teacher he is a paedophile, if it is a female teacher the student is regarded as lucky. Yes I have heard adults actually saying that with joking remarks about the French mistress.

It's usually men talking about how 'lucky' the kid is in those scenarios. The amount of times I've seen comments like "where was she when I was at school" coming from men is shocking.

Unless the teacher is considered ugly. Then it's outrageous and awful. It should be outrageous and awful regardless of the sex of the perpetrator.

grannytomine · 05/01/2018 12:11

DeleteOrDecay, yes those are the sort of comments I've heard. I was really shocked as I think the boy concerned was about 13 or 14. She was convicted though so presumably won't teach again.

It definitely is outrageous and leaves boys vulnerable.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page