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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Openly judgmental towards tattoos?

809 replies

StandardRussian66 · 03/01/2018 14:48

My OH is tattooed from the neck down. They are cultural tattoos and he is a big guy, over 6ft and does body building.
I knew him years ago when he didn’t have the tattoos and when he was slim. Strangers were nice to him, and treated him like any other person. But now, he finds that men tend to square up to him on nights out, shop staff and waiting staff are abnormally abrupt and people in general is just openly quite hostile towards him. It makes me sad, and makes him anxious about going out.

AIBU to think most people aren’t this ignorant that they can’t see past the ink and see that he’s just a normal guy who wants to be able to enjoy a glass of coke in his local pub without men puffing their chests out at him whenever he walks by?
I thought we were over this in this day and age.

OP posts:

Thread gallery

Glumglowworm · 03/01/2018 14:51

I’d hazard a guess that it’s more to do with his body building physique than his tattoos

YANBU to think it’s not ok to judge someone on appearances though

meredintofpandiculation · 03/01/2018 14:57

YANBU to think it’s not ok to judge someone on appearances though

But we do, of course, as a way of making sense of a complex world. If I'm walking on a quiet street after dark, I will make different decisions depending on whether the only other person in sight is a 6ft man in his 20s or an 80 year old woman.

Original poster

StandardRussian66 · 03/01/2018 15:01

Would you judge him negatively if you met him?

OP posts:

Fairylea · 03/01/2018 15:03

People are horrid about tattoos, for some reason they think it’s their god given right to voice their opinion on them to the actual person they’re talking about. Fair enough, no one has to like them, but people actually think you WANT to hear their opinions on them.

My dh is covered in tattoos from the neck down. Literally not any bare skin (apart from his pants area! ) and he even has a whole arm that is literally solid black. He got it done like that on purpose because he wanted to. He chose to do it and likes it. People give him so many weird and wonderful looks, he doesn’t mind that at all and enjoys people asking questions and chatting etc. But you do get so many people who feel the need to make openly horrid derogatory comments. I feel it’s just so unnecessary.

Unfortunately we’ve reached a point in society where people think their opinion is required on everything.

euhvcty · 03/01/2018 15:03

My husband and I are both heavily tattooed. We get this shit off people all the time. It's depressing. Mine are in places that people only see when I am dressed for hot weather and not at work. We've had people call us scum before because of them.

I'm a doctor and he's a nurse and I bet they wouldn't give a fuck about our tattoos if we were treating them at work.

There is a lot of ignorance out there.

Funnyface1 · 03/01/2018 15:05

I don't know if it's about tattoos but people do make instant decisions about people. If my husband is in his work suit with longer hair he's treated differently to if he's shaved his hair and wearing more casual clothes.

Original poster

StandardRussian66 · 03/01/2018 15:05

I would like to have a sleeve tattoo but am afraid I will get badly judged!

OP posts:

PinkChestnut · 03/01/2018 15:05

I think the men squaring up to him will be more about his bodybuilding physique possibly than the tattoos. Some -idiots- men see it as a challenge

Maybe the combination of tattoos and big physique is a little intimidating to some people when they don't know him

Original poster

StandardRussian66 · 03/01/2018 15:11

That is interesting about the big body. So you think it’s more to do with that?

OP posts:

DailyMaileatmyshit · 03/01/2018 15:12

I had colleague who once said women with tattoos are slags. He got quite dressing down for that and when I was asked for a character reference for him, I decline and told them why. he was full of this judgmental shit.

Fairylea · 03/01/2018 15:13

I agree it’s probably more to do with the body building - the squaring up to him anyway- my dh is certainly not large, he’s tall and very, very slim and people never offer him out for a fight (thank god!) they just make horrid remarks about his tattoos...!

KC225 · 03/01/2018 15:13

I'll hold my hand up. I am judgy about tattoos. I hate them.

euhvcty · 03/01/2018 15:14

@DailyMaileatmyshit - we've had a few comments along the lines of "oh they're ok on you mate but not your wife. Women shouldn't have tattoos like that".

euhvcty · 03/01/2018 15:15

@KC225 but surely it's perfectly ok to hate them. It would be a very boring place if everyone liked the same things. But why does you dislike of them = negatively judging the character of the tattoo bearer?

Original poster

StandardRussian66 · 03/01/2018 15:16

kc what is it you hate? I’m not being angry or anything, just curious

Would you be openly hostile toward someone with lots of them?

OP posts:

TrojansAreSmegheads · 03/01/2018 15:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Hatsoffdear · 03/01/2018 15:19

I think most look a bit silly to be honest but it’s personal choice and that’s fine. I think it’s his body building too as tattoos in themselves arnt intimidating

Louiselouie0890 · 03/01/2018 15:19

My OH the same. Gets worse when he's shaved his head. Doesn't bother him though

Original poster

StandardRussian66 · 03/01/2018 15:21

To be fair, I have ask him not to shave his head again he look like a villain

OP posts:

KimmySchmidt1 · 03/01/2018 15:22

how you look matters. If I am wearing gym kit, people assume I am going to the gym, or on my way back.

If I am wearing high heels, lots of jewellry and clingy formal dress, people assume I am on my way out somewhere fancy and special. I wouldn't be offended by that assumption and call them ignorant.

If I wear a balaclava into a supermarket, people might worry I am about to rob it.

No different with visible tattoos - it all tells a story. The difference is that if you get a tattoo, you are relentlessly telling everyone the same story, for the rest of your life, over and over again. You can't blame other people for noticing.

SheGotBetteDavisEyes · 03/01/2018 15:22

OP, what kind of cultural tattoos?

crunchymint · 03/01/2018 15:23

If I came across a stranger with a body building physique and covered in tattoos, I would keep my distance because I would be wary of him.

QueenAravisOfArchenland · 03/01/2018 15:24

A heavily tattooed, heavily muscled 6ft body builder is going to look to many/most people like he's making a very direct statement about his toughness. That's what people are responding to.

Loadedllama · 03/01/2018 15:24

I’m also wondering if it’s more his physique. My friends son is 6’5, has a shaved head (he was receding and decided to have done and shave it off). He looks tough (he is tough I guess as he’s a captain in the TA) but is a very non confrontational guy (he’s a doctor) yet when he was a bit younger and went into town for a night out blokes were always squaring up to him and picking fights for no reason that he knew (other than it was a challenge to mess with a big guy). He was randomly beaten up twice. He has one tattoo but it’s not visible unless he takes his shirt off (apparently).

Original poster

StandardRussian66 · 03/01/2018 15:25

she

Japanese and Tahitian

OP posts:

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