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AIBU?

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Original poster

Openly judgmental towards tattoos?

809 replies

StandardRussian66 · 03/01/2018 14:48

My OH is tattooed from the neck down. They are cultural tattoos and he is a big guy, over 6ft and does body building.
I knew him years ago when he didn’t have the tattoos and when he was slim. Strangers were nice to him, and treated him like any other person. But now, he finds that men tend to square up to him on nights out, shop staff and waiting staff are abnormally abrupt and people in general is just openly quite hostile towards him. It makes me sad, and makes him anxious about going out.

AIBU to think most people aren’t this ignorant that they can’t see past the ink and see that he’s just a normal guy who wants to be able to enjoy a glass of coke in his local pub without men puffing their chests out at him whenever he walks by?
I thought we were over this in this day and age.

OP posts:
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nousername123 · 03/01/2018 15:25

I have tattoos, 2 on my chest, both lower legs have several tattoos, tattoo on my foot, 2 on my back and one on my hip. To be honest I forget about the ones I can't see quite often and wonder why I get funny looks. I have a newish tattoo on my arm and people grab my arm to read it. I don't mind people reading my tattoos or looking or asking etc but to just randomly grab me isn't ok. It's actually pathetic the way people act. My mum hates tattoos but she wouldn't be rude to someone just coz they have a tattoo. It's fine if people don't like them I can understand it's not everyone's cup of tea. But I have noticed nasty looks in my direction and a few comments as well. "Why would you want that there, it's permanent" like I didn't already know 🤔

shhhfastasleep · 03/01/2018 15:26

I hate tattoos but that's my thing not yours. I judge but then I judge all sorts of stuff other people do. To myself. Usually followed by a stern word with myself.
It's more likely his body building look than his tattoos.
What is a cultural tattoo, by the way? The only culture I know that has them is South Pacific/Maori. Is he from that area? Genuinely curious.

My dad was in the Navy in wwII and had them. My dh has one because he got drunk. My brother and his wife and their children have them. I love all of them. My dislike of tattoos is irrelevant.

Eolian · 03/01/2018 15:26

I don't like tattoos but would never be openly rude about them. I do think it's a bit naïve to be totally surprised that someone might find a heavily tattooed man with a bodybuilding physique a bit intimidating though (however factually unjustified that judgement might be). However normal it might be to have tattoos these days, there are probably plenty of men who are wanting to project a tough-guy, intimidating image through their physical strength and tattoos, even if your OH isn't.

ermagerdsnur · 03/01/2018 15:26

I can fully understand people not liking them in that they personally wouldn't get them, or that they "spoil the look" of someone - but what exactly is it about me having tattoos that people think they now "know" about my character/personality?

Im not trying to be goady but I'm genuinely curious to hear this from someone like @KC225 or @KimmySchmidt1 who say tattoos tell a story? What story or judgement do you take from my tattoos?

Original poster
StandardRussian66 · 03/01/2018 15:27

I know that people judge on appearance, that is natural, but I think what I ask is why do we judge negatively on his apperance. He is big because he looks after himself and trains hard. I think that’s a positive? And his tattoos are just art he wears rather than hangs in the house.

OP posts:
BarbarianMum · 03/01/2018 15:28

If you wear the uniform of trouble then people are going to be wary of you. In time, as tatoos become more mainstream, this will likely change. But I would give strangers with an appearance like your OH a wide bearth because the men I've known who present themselves like that were often trouble.

NoFuckingRoomOnMyBroom · 03/01/2018 15:28

I'd agree the squaring up is probably more to do with his size-this probably brings out insecurities in dickheads.
I also agree that people think it's quite acceptable to badmouth tattoos to people who have them, never ceases to amaze me that they honestly don't appear to realise how fucking rude it is Hmm

KungFuEric · 03/01/2018 15:28

I think it's the body building which will be causing most of the responses.

ShellyBoobs · 03/01/2018 15:28

A heavily tattooed, heavily muscled 6ft body builder is going to look to many/most people like he's making a very direct statement about his toughness. That's what people are responding to.

Completely agree with this.

You can’t possibly think that you won’t be stereotyped/judged if you choose to have tattoos?

Emmasmum2013 · 03/01/2018 15:29

I have to admit too.. I don't like tattoos.
I'd like to say I wouldn't judge anyone with tattoos, but if its a really awful tattoo (I dunno.. like a really bad portrait of Tupac on your neck or something equally as horrendous) I might judge a bit.
Generally though, absolutely nothing against them.. I like to know people's stories behind them.
Just not for me.. I'd never even think to get one for myself.

BulletFox · 03/01/2018 15:29

Their body, their choice.

Personally I don't like them but it's nothing to do with me. I'd judge someone by how they behaved.

froginapond · 03/01/2018 15:30

@standardrussian

To be fair, I have ask him not to shave his head again grin he look like a villain

You just lost your whole argument there.

TooManyPaws · 03/01/2018 15:30

People who show their dislike of tattoos openly are simply bloody rude. I don't like orange tans but I don't glare at and openly comment on those that have them. My mum taught me better than that.

Regarding tattoos I'm more likely to start up a conversation about them, the artist and the meaning/reason! I've got nine, in places where they only show in warm weather gear or going out clothes - I remember coming back from the ladies in a pub and finding my right arm pulled into a circle of blokes so they could have a better look and ask where it was done! 😂 We were all out from a big naval base though.

I used to work for the police and there were always tales of big blokes who couldn't do the pub chucking out problems as drunks immediately squared up to them. Dunno whether they were trying to prove their masculinity or what though.

It's rude to show open judgement on people. You don't know who they actually are. In the village I grew up in, the now Marquis could be mistaken for any old workman in his stained overalls while doing up the castle, and the Lord Lieutenant was proud of having the same broad local accent as his farm workers. Outward appearance does not mean anything about the person.

WhatToDoAboutThis2017 · 03/01/2018 15:32

If you’re getting a tattoo, you’re aware enough to know what the general public thinks of them.

If you still go ahead with it, you should expect (whether rightly or wrongly) people to judge you and treat you differently.

You can deal with this in two ways: whine about it, or get over yourself and realise you made a choice as an adult and were aware of the ramifications.

No matter how much you want to, you aren’t going to change people’s perceptions, so you have to learn to deal with it.

BarbarianMum · 03/01/2018 15:33

I read that as "I don't like orangutans" Paws and was wondering a) why not, and b) where you lived where they were so plentiful that you had to forebear to comment. Grin

Ellendegeneres · 03/01/2018 15:36

My cousin is heavily tattooed- and as a female, she has been called all sorts, very definitely discriminated against. Personally, I don’t care if you’ve got tattoos- I might look like I’m staring, usually trying to work out what each individual piece is, specially with sleeves- they fascinate me, I’m certainly not thinking anything negative of the person.
Facial tattoos are another thing though- I’m not a fan and it will stop people getting jobs as I suppose people will occasionally find them obscene

KungFuEric · 03/01/2018 15:36

The men who Ive known who are bodybuilder types and heavily tattooed have a higher prevalence of being drug dealers or users, with criminal records.

The majority will be taking steroids illegally and have anger issues resulting from it.

They can be great, lovely, funny guys too.

Eolian · 03/01/2018 15:36

To be fair, I have ask him not to shave his head again grin he look like a villain

Hmm So it's completely unreasonable to judge him negatively on his tattoos and chosen physique... except that it's fine for you to make exactly the same type of judgment about his hair style? Can you not see how hypocritical that is?

Ecclesiastes · 03/01/2018 15:36

Tattoos are not birthmarks. Getting a tattoo is a choice. It is one of the strongest statements you can make, because it is permanent. Whatever the design of your tattoo, one of the statements you are making with it is 'I will always think the same way - there is no possibility that I will ever change my mind'.

Some people find that a little, um....naive. To say the least.

Original poster
StandardRussian66 · 03/01/2018 15:36

frog I did didn’t I! (I love a villain, just one with hair 🙊)

OP posts:
Jaxhog · 03/01/2018 15:38

I confess, I'm a bit judgy too. Blatant tattoos often go with a 'look at me' affect which is a little intimidating. Having said, some tattoos are really attractive to look at. Unfortunately, many are not e.g. the 'chinese takeway' random squiggles in black that you see on some women in particular.

So I also agree that heavy tattoos combined with a body builder physique could be quite intimidating for many people.

gillybeanz · 03/01/2018 15:39

I don't give my opinion, but people are free to judge however they like.
My dh is very tall, and has recently lost weight, quite a lot actually.
Now he doesn't have any tattoos and we've noticed people treating him differently. They are a bit nicer and seem to be less wary or scared.

My ds2 is tall and muscly and needs to keep very short hair for his work, he won't have tattoos due to the image and finds it hard enough having other men starting fights if he goes out.

EvilDoctorHogmanayDuck · 03/01/2018 15:39

I go to tattoo cons, and generally, the kind of people who go are lovely.

FreddieClaryHorshieLion · 03/01/2018 15:43

I have a tattoo.

It isn't visible when I wear "normal" clothes.
There's a reason why I chose this placement. Because my tattoo is actually rather private (motives with cultural and personal importance... ) and because people do judge.

There are certain life style choices associate with how your OH looks. Is it "fair" to judge him? We all make snap judgements.

But people shouldn't treat him differently because of it.

But he chose to look this way (unlike so many other people that didn't get to choose the things other people judge them for....)!

Fairylea · 03/01/2018 15:43

I don’t agree that people who get tattoos are saying they will always think the same way. My dh is heavily into the whole tattoo culture and it’s now generally very acceptable to have whole areas lasered off to be recovered with something else or the new trend for having a “blast over” which is where you literally cover the old tattoo with a new one so you can see both at the same time- sort of like accepting the past and embracing the new. It’s not to my taste but its interesting. Times are changing even within the tattoo circles themselves about the idea of permanence.

I have a large tattoo on my leg. I had it done when I was 18 and I am 38 this year and I still love it. It does look quite “old school” now as tattoo techniques have changed and so to some people (even tattooists themselves!) they would see it as a bad tattoo but it means a lot to me and reminds me of that particular happy time in my life so I would never get rid of it.

I’ve been on a bus before and some man I’ve never ever seen in my life came up to me and told me my tattoo was horrible and I would “regret that when (I) was older”. That was just so rude of him, to think his opinion would matter to me and he was so important as to feel he was right to voice it. Hmm