Openly judgmental towards tattoos?

[StandardRussian66]

My OH is tattooed from the neck down. They are cultural tattoos and he is a big guy, over 6ft and does body building.
I knew him years ago when he didn’t have the tattoos and when he was slim. Strangers were nice to him, and treated him like any other person. But now, he finds that men tend to square up to him on nights out, shop staff and waiting staff are abnormally abrupt and people in general is just openly quite hostile towards him. It makes me sad, and makes him anxious about going out.

AIBU to think most people aren’t this ignorant that they can’t see past the ink and see that he’s just a normal guy who wants to be able to enjoy a glass of coke in his local pub without men puffing their chests out at him whenever he walks by?
I thought we were over this in this day and age.

Tattoos are not birthmarks. Getting a tattoo is a choice. It is one of the strongest statements you can make, because it is permanent. Whatever the design of your tattoo, one of the statements you are making with it is 'I will always think the same way - there is no possibility that I will ever change my mind'

Im sorry thats bollix.Who always thinks the same way.The tattoo you loved at 18 ,you mightnt like at 40.I know i dont like the same stuff.But the tattoo i got at 18 is still part of me.Even if i dont like it.

And i have a sleeve and other tattoos and i have never,ever got negative remarks or called names.
The only think i get is that "i dont look the sort to have tattoos".whatever that means.

I agree with pp that it's more likely to do with his size. Whenever I was out with my brother and his friends guys were always squaring up to my db who is over 6 foot and big built. It was usually short, angry, drunk men. Rightly or wrongly people do judge on appearance though when they have nothing else to go on.

Yep you were a bit disingenuous OP. (re your hubby.)

I have to say although I am not a fan of tats, mostly coz they are permanent if that makes sense, I don't judge everyone who has them. If they are well done/drawn and it's a well crafted design, they can look cool (on SOME people.) I do despair though, when I see a middle aged woman with a tattoo that says 'CONNOR. 12/12/07' on one chubby arm, and 'DEB AND STEVE 4 EVVA' on the other chubby arm. It does make some women look massively common.

So yeah I suppose I am judgemental. Everyone is.

The younger generation (born after 1990,) aren't so judgy, as nearly every one of them has a tattoo now .

I wouldn't say anything but I would avoid him.
I hate tattoos ( and piercings) and would avoid any but essential contact with someone who displayed them because they make me nervous. I see them as a statement about toughness as others have said.
Anyone who covers themselves with tattoos must know they have this effect, they make the choice to do it.

Would you say he looks intimidating OP?

I wouldn't judge, but I think it's entirely natural for people to judge on appearance.

You get judged because of tattoos, you get judged if you are wearing a suit, you get judged if you have long blond hair and wear a mini skirt on the school run. People make assumptions about the image you project all the time. If someone decides to ink their face, they open themselves to public judgement, let's be honest.

According to MN, if you wear a gym kit on the school run, people assume your are a smug how off . There was a thread about people who walk in the street whilst holding a coffee! And also wearing SUNGLASSES

I really don't like tattoos. I consider them primitive and ugly (works of art, my a*) and sometimes wonder how tattoo wearers' minds work for them either not to realise the effect they have on others, or to want that effect. Not the topic here I know but piercings, even worse. Self mutilation. What is this, the Iron Age?

I always judge. I just keep it to myself.

Im sorry thats bollix.

That's me told. I'd better rush out and get it tattooed on my chest.

Japanese tattoos? That's very unusual. There is a real stigma (still) around tattoos (irezumi) in Japan and they are still closely associated with the Yakuza.

Are we not supposed to walk down the street with coffee?

I haz had a fail. On many occasions.

I don’t think he looks intimidating. But I am very biased. A, because I know him and B because I know they are not intimidating tattoos, as in they have no aggressive meaning.

I wouldn't judge your OH. But I am not the type of person that is "wary" of someone based on how they look. I've got many body building, tattooed, shaved head friends and they are wonderful people. My DH is the skinniest man I know, not a tattoo on him, lovely long hair, and he's the one with the dodgy past

I have a lot of tattoos. I have none on my left arm as I'm working on a sleeve design. I have a full Disney sleeve on my right arm. People make of that what they will. My back is full of pieces to do with my family. My chest is covered, my abdomen and hips, my legs covered bar a small space on my calf as it's a work in progress. None on my neck or face, but have a tiny one behind my ear. I've had a lot of names thrown at me in the past, scummy mummy being my favourite. I brush it off and get on with life. Tattoos aren't for everyone and thats fine. But I definitely do appreciate the people that tell me they don't like tattoos but ask me questions about mine.

WhollyFather

just out of interest, just "piercings" or also people that simply wear earrings (obviously not clip-ons. Also, ouch, horribly uncomfortable...)?

“A statement about toughness”

My dh is the LEAST tough person you’ll ever meet. He’s never, ever been in a fight. He loves animals, loves kids, works in a clinical field (occupational health), has a degree, completely tee total and goes to bed at 10pm every night with a good book and a cup of hot chocolate. He’s 30. I think he was born old. He just loves tattoos. They’re all he spends his spending money on; it’s his one and only hobby and interest.

I have tattoos. They are just little drawings but they commemorate my lost babies. I usually give other reasons for them when people ask though - don't want to get into the 'that's one's a miscarriage, that one's a termination I had to have...' etc. They are part of me and always will be, because my babies were.

Just be aware that people have tattoos for different reasons. Some do it to look hard, but not all.

Are they Russian prison style tattoos.

A " cultural tattoo"- what does that mean?

Is he of an indiginous culture such as Easter Borneo where tribal tattoos have cultural significance?

I don't like tattoos. I know only two people who have them and they both regret it. It's the permanence of them that make me a bit judgey. You can change the display of art on your walls as you discover new things that give you pleasure. You're stuck with a tattoo for life and, as a pp said, it seems a little naive to be convinced you are going to like it forever. I love the temporary ones though. They're fun.

I have a single butterfly tattoo on my left cheek .
Anyone care to see it ? :)

I think it's very rude to be openly judgmental about anyones tattoos

However, I really don't like big ones on legs, feet, arms, backs. Unobtrusive ones are fine, I just find the ink blot ugly type horrible. BUT it is the tattoo I'm not liking, not the person. One of my DDs has got a tattoo but it's fairly hidden, her body, up to her etc.

I watched tattoo fixers the other day, someone went in with something daft about an inch square, not very noticeable, but they wanted rid. They came out with a mahoosive black rose thing on them, couldn't get over it.

The most I think is... 'what beautiful skin you've got and what a shame to spoil it with that tattoo'. However, no one would ever know I was thinking that, not my body, not my problem!

Tattoos are a part of the aesthetic way in which a person chooses to present themselves to the world - so I'm interested to know what sort of image your partner wants to portray by having tattoos? Does he feel that the image he is trying to portray is not being understood?

I get that there is of course an element of doing it for himself - both in the body building and the tattoos - but I would be surprised if there was not also an element of it being about how he wants to be perceived.

You said that they were cultural - and it sounds like he has an interesting cultural background! So are they a visual representation of his culture to people?

I think people need to get lives. Why does anyone feel the need to 'square up to' people anyway? It's small-dog syndrome, isn't it – pathetic men trying to make themselves look hard.

It's ironic that shop staff and waiting staff are abrupt to him; maybe it's just where I live/go out/go on holiday, but I tend to find both of these groups, especially waiting/restaurant staff, are among the most heavily tattooed of the lot!

Anyway, nothing helpful to say, but I'm really sorry he feels anxious about going out. How shit. Tell him not everyone is a tit about it.

Japanese tattoos? That's very unusual. There is a real stigma (still) around tattoos (irezumi) in Japan and they are still closely associated with the Yakuza.

Yup. Don't get me wrong, they look genuinely awesome but there is a lot of stigma associated with tattoos in Japan.

I have a tattoo and was barred from using some public onsens. (the private one was still lovely and we knew it in advance / planned accordingly)

It's rude to negatively comment openly on people's tattoos. We all have the right to have our bodies tattooed if we wish.

Doesn't stop me thinking tattoos are hideous and people getting them are like sheep.