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AIBU?

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Original poster

Openly judgmental towards tattoos?

809 replies

StandardRussian66 · 03/01/2018 14:48

My OH is tattooed from the neck down. They are cultural tattoos and he is a big guy, over 6ft and does body building.
I knew him years ago when he didn’t have the tattoos and when he was slim. Strangers were nice to him, and treated him like any other person. But now, he finds that men tend to square up to him on nights out, shop staff and waiting staff are abnormally abrupt and people in general is just openly quite hostile towards him. It makes me sad, and makes him anxious about going out.

AIBU to think most people aren’t this ignorant that they can’t see past the ink and see that he’s just a normal guy who wants to be able to enjoy a glass of coke in his local pub without men puffing their chests out at him whenever he walks by?
I thought we were over this in this day and age.

OP posts:
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Original poster
StandardRussian66 · 03/01/2018 17:04

When he is home from work I will let him read this thread and see if it makes him feel better to know peoples reasons Smile

OP posts:
cricketqueen · 03/01/2018 17:05

My DH has quite a few tattoos as do I. He works in sales do wears a suit most days so his tattoos are hidden, he also takes his piercings out at work. He has to do this otherwise he finds people are judgemental if he was to leave his piercings in and have his sleeves rolled up. I always get a laugh when we bump into a customer and they do a double take when they see him in his tattooed pierced glory.
I wish people wouldn't judge him but sadly they do.

SchnitzelVonKrumm · 03/01/2018 17:08

Surely the whole point of having a visible tattoo is to for people to look at it? But you can't demand they like it. I think they're fugly myself - I've never seen a good one - but I wouldn't dream of saying so.

Interestingly my teens and their mates seem to regard them as hilariously naff and the preserve of sad middle-aged people so I suspect we've reached peak tattoo.

Original poster
StandardRussian66 · 03/01/2018 17:09

No one is demanding anything. Just don’t be a dick to him when he’s ordering his breakfast.

OP posts:
CornedBeef451 · 03/01/2018 17:11

I think we might need to see photos...purely for a full understanding of the issue of course!

FreddieClaryHorshieLion · 03/01/2018 17:11

But it wouldn’t treat anyone of those people any differently. That’s the point I’m making.

Not consciously, not.

And as I said, verbal abuse etc is obviously simply unacceptable.

In the case of your DH some people might be genuinely afraid or have bad experiences with people that chose a similar look, btw.

cricketqueen · 03/01/2018 17:13

I think the issue isn't the judging so much as the voicing of the judgement. They could just keep their mouths shut. I once had a woman say loudly 'she'd be so pretty if it wasn't for that awful tattoo' while stood behind me. It was unnecessary. She could easily have just thought it and kept her mouth shut.

Original poster
StandardRussian66 · 03/01/2018 17:14

Haha as much as i would love to show him off, I think I’ve posted enough revealing information

OP posts:
dustarr73 · 03/01/2018 17:15

Interestingly my teens and their mates seem to regard them as hilariously naff and the preserve of sad middle-aged people so I suspect we've reached peak tattoo.

Interestingly I find the people who are in their teens and early 20s with jobstoppers and nothing else tattooed naff.
Tattooing is thousands years old, is a craft.You don't have to like it but don't voice your opinions.Cause frankly I don't care whether you, or anyone else hates them.I didn't get them for you.

JacquesHammer · 03/01/2018 17:18

I hold my hands up and totally judge anyone who openly judges tattoos.

Just like I judge anyone who treats people negatively due to their own prejudice.

JacquesHammer · 03/01/2018 17:20

Interestingly my teens and their mates seem to regard them as hilariously naff and the preserve of sad middle-aged people

You must be disappointed your teens are so shallow

Intercom · 03/01/2018 17:24

I don't like tattoos, but the few people I know who have them are as nice and normal as anyone else.

Bumsnetnetbums · 03/01/2018 17:27

I think they look awful. It would put me off employing someone or being treated by someone. There is a reason some professionals are not tatooed.
That being said I am not threatened by tatooed men more than any other man. I know one who uses them to avoid intimacy as people dont approach him. I think it is horses for courses.

Buxbaum · 03/01/2018 17:32

I am amazed that anyone with Japanese heritage and knowledge of that culture's attitude to tattoos would be surprised at a negative reaction to their ink. What does his Japanese mother think of them?

Anniethinggose · 03/01/2018 17:39

I've never been judged or treated differently because of tattoos but then again I'm a slim woman. I think some men might be puffing their chests out to assert their own masculinity when they see your big muscle man!
Back to tattoos, although I haven't experienced it, I don't understand judgemental attitudes associated with tattoos. Skin is just skin, some is inked and some is plain, it makes no difference to anyone.

SheGotBetteDavisEyes · 03/01/2018 17:39

I find the people who are in their teens and early 20s with jobstoppers and nothing else tattooed naff

Wow. Why? All of them?

You don't have to like it but don't voice your opinions

People are allowed to voice their opinions, whether you agree with them or not.

I couldn't give two hoots if someone has tattoos. I don't like 'em, but in the nicest possible way, I couldn't care less if someone has them!

Zatsuma · 03/01/2018 17:47

my teens and their mates seem to regard them as hilariously naff and the preserve of sad middle-aged people

That's what they tell you Grin

Many teens I meet are absolutely obsessed with getting a sleeve. Why not, but it seems to cost a fortune.

Bumsnetnetbums · 03/01/2018 17:47

I have an ingrained association (prob from parents) that tattoos are either for navy or common/cheap/rough women. I dont believe the latter but still find them undesirable. Apart from one mum at school who is beautifully boho and her tattoos really are stunning because she is.

Halebeke425 · 03/01/2018 17:58

I know more people with at least one tattoo than people with none at all. I would say tattoos are very mainstream these days and am surprised people are still judgy about them. I know and have come across people from all walks of life with tattoos, it doesn't even occur to me to think anything in particular about 'people with tattoos' as they can be all different types of people. Like 'people with brown hair'

I don't have any but I always used to want one but could never decide on what. Now I feel happy not to have any, I feel quite 'different' Grin also I can't justify the cost personally, good tattoos are not cheap!! I tend to admire other people's ink rather than think negatively, especially cultural tattoos, I have some native American ancestry myself and have considered something along those lines in the past.

TheExecutionersBong · 03/01/2018 17:59

I have one tattoo. I've had it several years and I think it is beautiful. My DP has none whatsoever but isn't anti tattoo. We are both born after 1990 if that has any baring on it. Some tattoos are beautiful and some are horrible. As with everything, I expect how tattoos are perceived depends on what they are, where they are placed, the quality, and who they are on. My tattoo has never ever affected my ability to get a job, but if I had the words 'thug life' on my neck I suspect it would be a different story.

OP I think it's probably more to do with your OH's size, not his tattoos. This is probably outing, but this is a picture of mine so you can all tell me how much of a delinquent I am Grin

Openly judgmental towards tattoos?
vwlphb · 03/01/2018 18:00

Interestingly my teens and their mates seem to regard them as hilariously naff and the preserve of sad middle-aged people so I suspect we've reached peak tattoo.

Ah, teenagers, those well-known arbiters of individuality and nuance.

Seniorcitizen1 · 03/01/2018 18:02

I find it very difficult to understand why anyone would deliberately disfigure their body which is what to me tattoos do. Do I judge, probably in my head but not verbally

dustarr73 · 03/01/2018 18:06

People are allowed to voice their opinions, whether you agree with them or not.

So if I went up to you and said that dress makes you look fat.Thats ok, is it.Because I'm just voicing my opinion.

No it's not ok because it's rude to make unwelcome comments at someone.

mustbemad17 · 03/01/2018 18:06

Bumsnets so if a doctor was to attempt to treat you & he had a tattoo on his arm (imagine hot weather, short sleeves) would you actually refuse him treating you??

Sn0tnose · 03/01/2018 18:10

I go to tattoo cons, and generally, the kind of people who go are lovely. Same here. And they're not at all judgemental of my DH, who doesn't have a single tattoo or piercing but loves the way they look.

I'm quite heavily tattooed but could cover them with clothing if I wanted to. But as I've also got a face full of piercings, my hair changes colour quite regularly and I dress in an alternative style, I don't really see much point in covering them. I understand that some people will judge me for the way I look. And that's fine, because I make judgements about the ones who think the world needs to hear their views on how I'm going to regret them when I'm older.

OP, I'd be far more inclined to gravitate towards a heavily tattooed person (particularly if they are good tattoos) than I would a person with none.