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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Openly judgmental towards tattoos?

809 replies

StandardRussian66 · 03/01/2018 14:48

My OH is tattooed from the neck down. They are cultural tattoos and he is a big guy, over 6ft and does body building.
I knew him years ago when he didn’t have the tattoos and when he was slim. Strangers were nice to him, and treated him like any other person. But now, he finds that men tend to square up to him on nights out, shop staff and waiting staff are abnormally abrupt and people in general is just openly quite hostile towards him. It makes me sad, and makes him anxious about going out.

AIBU to think most people aren’t this ignorant that they can’t see past the ink and see that he’s just a normal guy who wants to be able to enjoy a glass of coke in his local pub without men puffing their chests out at him whenever he walks by?
I thought we were over this in this day and age.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
10
Fairylea · 06/01/2018 08:51

No decent tattooist will tattoo anyone under 18, parental consent or otherwise.

specialsubject · 06/01/2018 09:36

Not a matter of decent or reputable. A simple matter of law, tattooing a minor ( under 18) is illegal in the UK. So a tattooist that offers to do it or does it is a crook.

Use brains.

ermagerdsnur · 06/01/2018 09:43

Thank you @Bumsnetnetbums !!

I fully understand why you think the way you do and appreciate your answer, as I'm sure the OP does too :0)

I have never lived anywhere like you have described, I was brought up around and have spent my adult life around the middle classes, so my experiences of people with tattoos are based (in the main) on this.

I find it fascinating (genuinely, not trying to be patronising) that you and I live and work in different environments both of which have heavily influenced our way of thinking.....

There's me thinking "surely in this day and age prejudice against tattoos is on the wane" but you've helped open my eyes that actually, it's not just tattoos but when combining those with where someone lives and what they do for a job it's very much alive!!! You've witnessed it first hand and that's what's influenced how you feel about your DC getting tattoos.

So thank you again - that's all I wanted to understand, ie what is it that's influenced people to think how they do and your the only one who has attempted to answer that question!

and do you know what? The way you've explained it I agree with you, if I were in your shoes I'd probably try to discourage my DC from getting any too, at least until AFTER they've had the chance to prove themselves in their careers Smile

Ps don't ever apologise for your views when they are based on rationale reasoned logic and first hand experience!

JacquesHammer · 06/01/2018 10:09

So a tattooist that offers to do it or does it is a crook

Indeed. So not reputable.

I think it's pretty obvious that a reputable tattoo artist works within the law

JacquesHammer · 06/01/2018 10:14

I have never lived anywhere like you have described, I was brought up around and have spent my adult life around the middle classes, so my experiences of people with tattoos are based (in the main) on this

I think this is an interesting point.

I had my first tattoo done when I was still at school. It was a private girls' school, the type that hits all "the lists" for top schooling in the country.

They didn't have an issue with my tattoo being visible, not the several piercings I had.

Having just gone through the open day process with my daughter we were shown around one by a girl with a nose ring and a visible tattoo. Again the school has no issues with that.

I think those are far more sensible attitudes towards young people.

FindoGask · 06/01/2018 10:50

There seems to be some confusion around the law on tattooing minors. Parental consent is irrelevant (people might be thinking of piercing, which requires parental consent under 18). Tattooing anyone under 18 is illegal.

FindoGask · 06/01/2018 10:51

(maybe it's different in other countries? I'm doing that thing of assuming everyone here is in the UK)

Stickystickstick · 06/01/2018 10:55

Like findogask says no one hoping to stay within the law will tattoo an 18year old. There are thousands of bedroom scratchers who happily do it and make a bad job of it.

RoseWhiteTips · 06/01/2018 11:42

Now some people with tattoos are making a point of demonstrating their middle class credentials. I guess it was always heading in that direction. Lol

specialsubject · 06/01/2018 11:45

To find out the UK law on tattooing took me 10 secs leading to gov.UK. don't see why anyone with basic literacy would be confused.

RoseWhiteTips · 06/01/2018 11:49

Only one thing did not change

Tattoos remained as repulsive as ever.

The modern world has no more disgusting sight than some cretinous mark inked into the flabby back in front of you in the supermarket queue, or mindlessly desecrating the lithe leg of some otherwise flawless beauty sitting at a bar, or proudly worn on the arm of some middle-aged business executive as if it was a certificate for swimming his width.

Tattoos are everywhere you look now, on the fit and the fat, the old and young, the rich man in his country estate and the poor on his sink estate, on every dumb footballer, on females of every age and class, from the Premier League WAGs to the angry old dears on Mumsnet...

The oracle Tony Parsons writing in GQ in 2012. It may be of interest!

JacquesHammer · 06/01/2018 11:55

Ah GQ the last bastion of erudite comment

RoseWhiteTips · 06/01/2018 11:55

He is an “angry old dear” himself, of course. The irony.

JacquesHammer · 06/01/2018 11:58

Is 64 classed as old?!

mustbemad17 · 06/01/2018 12:08

User i didn't explain my 'security guard' thing very well, sorry. My boss was the only one in her firm that invited tbe security team...everyone else declined to. Apparently because there was concern that their cocaine use would be more likely to be reported by the security team than anyone else. Rightly or wrongly, that was the deal.

I'm now in the UK but wasn't for most of my teens...drinking & tattooing at 16 was perfectly legal with adult consent. Nothing irresponsible about parenting that allows a teen some say in their life. Sex is legal at 16, can also 'ruin' your life at that age if not careful. To me a tattoo is no different, it's a choice. But i guess to some that makes me irresponsible? Yet i can't say that it makes them judgy??! Oookay

FindoGask · 06/01/2018 12:24

Still banging your drum, Rose, I see? Sorry to disappoint you, but I don't think anyone's going to start sobbing into their pillows because Tony Parsons wrote something mean once. It's not like it's anything we haven't heard before, about a wazillion times.

I'm old enough to remember when Parsons used to be interesting. Sadly he writes for The Sun these days, I believe.

NotACleverName · 06/01/2018 12:28

The oracle Tony Parsons writing in GQ in 2012. It may be of interest!

I don't give a flying fuck what Tony Parsons thinks.

TooManyPaws · 06/01/2018 12:31

Who is Tony Parsons and why should his opinion be relevant?

JanetsPlain · 06/01/2018 12:31

Ooh, are we angry old dears on MN, good to know TP Grin.

dustarr73 · 06/01/2018 12:32

Any tattoo artists i have talked too want the law tightened.They dont want to be associated with the tattoo parties or backstreet tattooists.

They want the industry regulated more.

NotACleverName · 06/01/2018 12:34

This thread has made me realise that I really should get round to booking a touch-up for tat #2.

And maybe book #4 (but I can't make up my mind about what I want, so I figured it's best to wait until I'm 100% certain).

MarsBarsAreShrinking · 06/01/2018 12:40

That article is really very nasty. I genuinely wonder why it bothers him SO much? Why any tattoos bother non-tattooed people SO much? You don't like them? Fine, don't get one. I honestly don't know why there needs to be any more to it than that... but clearly there does or we wouldn't be 32 pages in!

TemptressofWaikiki · 06/01/2018 12:41

This day and age, tattoos seem far more the norm than having no tattoos. In my wider social circle, I am a total minority for not having any tattoos. I really like some and find others naff but I don’t think it is my business whatsoever. I have yet to find the right and talented enough tattoo artist that would prompt me to have some art work on my own body. I’d be far warier about a very bulked up dude though than the tattoos. I’ve come across guys that rely on steroids to get that big and some are very volatile. Subconsciously, I probably give 'beefy' dudes a wide berth.

MarsBarsAreShrinking · 06/01/2018 12:43

NotACleverName come over to the tattoo section to discuss it!

Bumsnetnetbums · 06/01/2018 12:43

Must that makes sense. I get the sex age and that tattoos are another similar decision.
I have explained my judgement and where they come from.
The class thing is a point. Image is everything in my world. If a single mum on my estate dressed their kid in second hand clothes and wellies with mud on their face then there would be concern about neglect. Yet for middle class mums it is laughed off as hippyish or boho. So the judgements are different dependant on context.
So on that note I have a genuine interest into who tatted people feel judged by? Who is vocal? Who is offensive openly? Men or women or what class ir sexuality etc etc. The link to homosexuality earlier suggests it may be more acceptable in marginalised groups.
Interested to hallenge my own views