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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask about revenge and break-ups

178 replies

Carbohol78 · 03/01/2018 11:43

Not really an AIBU thread, but it arose from one, so most of the contributors of the original thread (AIBU to refuse to stop receiving maintenance) will be in this area

This will offend some people! But it’s anonymous on the internet, and even though the topic or circumstances aren’t light-hearted, I though we could have a giggle and try to see some humour in the pain that we once had!

To be clear, I am not proud of what I did, I handled the break-up very badly, I have never badmouthed my Ex to our DC, but at the time of the break-up (several years ago) I did everything I could to make his life a misery. I will spend the rest of my life secretly making up to my children for not being a bit stronger or more resilient and rising above it.

Basically .... what was your awful break-up or revenge story?

My Ex cheated (a lot!) and when it finally became too much for me to deny it and look the other way, he left me for one of the OW

I was heartbroken and debt-ridden with young children and he gave no financial support at all

In my case, I used his credit card to pay for the outstanding bills - council tax, water, electricity etc. Then after a torrent of abusive emails and texts about how I had “let myself go”, was a crap mum with mental health issues, Ex one day stupidly forwarded me an email in error which one of his OW had written, pretending to be him (for him to send me from his account), again listing all my faults. As the OW sent it from her work account to his work account, I saw red and sent it to both their companies HR Depts claiming they were vicariously liable for their employees’ harassment. They both got suspended and disciplined, his sister tore me apart on social media, so I sent the email to his friends and family also

Obviously I was just as bad in replying with vindictive texts and just as nasty, but he cheated, so I felt justified HaloGrin

Told you I was bad!

OP posts:
Cantuccit · 03/01/2018 11:52

YANBU, OP.

He deserved it for sure, and the OW deserved it for drafting abusive emails for him to send to you.

I don't have any stories but hope there will be more.

MistressDeeCee · 03/01/2018 11:54

Good for youGrin. I won't judge. That email shouldnt have been sent from work account anyway.

Notreallyarsed · 03/01/2018 11:55

You’re a fucking legend OP Grin

DotCottonDotCom · 03/01/2018 11:56

Bloody brilliant OP

nousername123 · 03/01/2018 11:57

I'd have done the same to be fair x

hungryhippo90 · 03/01/2018 11:58

You did the right thing!

AnyFucker · 03/01/2018 12:00

Not seeing a problem there...

Trinity66 · 03/01/2018 12:03

Meh i don't see anything wrong with that tbqh, horrible pair, you reap what you sow

WhatAmIMissing · 03/01/2018 12:11

Please don't carry any guilt or anxiety over this.

They're the only people that'll tell you you've done wrong. Don't be swayed by his family either, I bet there is theme there in terms of his lack of accountability and taking ownership of HIS wrongdoings.

You retaliating to thier nastiness is very different from you having done something that's just simply wrong. And, I bet they would all have done the same.

Leave them to carry their shame alone. You can literally choose not to share it and I'm return pass the burden back to them, where it belongs.

I'm in HR and at no point would I judge anyone else but them.

Plus, I'm sure your children will respect you for being no doormat in years to come!

Callamia · 03/01/2018 12:21

None of that was inappropriate. You rule. I want to read more of these stories.

KC225 · 03/01/2018 12:55

Hahaha

I wish I had the low swinging Christmas baubles to do half of that.

Don't beat yourself up about it now. You went through a bad time and you are not proud of it.

I hope things are looking up and you and the children OP

Happy New Year

Thebluedog · 03/01/2018 12:58

God I wish I’d done something g like this when I found out my exh had had an affair! I used to fantasise about telling her husband, but never did. I kick myself to this day I didn’t do that and a million other things to the cheating scumbag Wink

LanaKanesLeftNippleTassle · 03/01/2018 13:01

It's not bad......it makes you a fucking legend op.

Grin

Well done on not letting nasty vindictive arseholes win.

TheIrregularChoice · 03/01/2018 13:04

What you did was spot on, OP.

When my exbf dumped me (I was 16, he was my first love and dumped me a week after I lost me virginity to him), I phoned his mum and told her he was a shitty person. Not proud of it (17 years later!) but hopefully his mum has words with him!

C0untDucku1a · 03/01/2018 13:05

I Dont see the issue either. You paid bills that he was jointly reaponsible for with his credit card. You pointed out to hr there were behaving in a manner that was against company policy.

scrabbler3 · 03/01/2018 13:07

You were right to contact the company's HR dept OP.

MultiGrey · 03/01/2018 13:12

YWNBU at all.

I posted a couple on the thread that got deleted a few days back called something like petty acts of vindictiveness. There were some absolute corkers on there but there were also some quite disturbing acts that were abusive so the thread got pulled.

I know MNers go with "the best revenge is to get on happily with your life" line, but I did indulge in some petty revenge during the period between me finding out about his affair and him actually moving out. I don't feel remotely guilty as it helped me to cope with a particularly difficult time in my life.

Mine were pretty tame and childish though - things like dampening tea bags then putting them in the tea caddy so when he made a brew it didn't taste very nice, and bashing crisps without bursting the bag so when he opened them to eat them they were just a pile of crumbs, flushing the downstairs toilet when he was in the shower so it ran really hot, unpicking all but one or two buttons on his shirt so they popped off unexpectedly at work etc etc.

My most petty and most childish act of all was when he bought a bottle of shower gel that he hated the smell of but was too tight to replace it so said he would just have to keep using it til it ran out...well I bought five more bottles and just kept topping it up bit by bit so it took weeks to use up.

MultiGrey · 03/01/2018 13:12

Oh and I took the kids on holiday and put that on his credit card.

RedForFilth · 03/01/2018 13:17

I dont do revenge anymore. I keep all the messages my ex sends trying to shag me and get back with me and think about showing them to the OW who he's with now but I won't. She can do the work herself!

Haven't sought revenge on the abusive ex's as I'd probably be dead if I did! Although I did something pretty horrible once. Another ex cheated on me so I shagged his best mate for a few weeks in his bedroom which happened to be next to ex's! I was a teenager then though but still bad!

knowwhereyourheadis · 03/01/2018 13:28

Multigrey - I LOVE the shower gel thing!

NurseButtercup · 03/01/2018 13:30

My sister found out her ex-DP was cheating on her. She didn't let on that she knew, instead she poured gloss paint all over his car in the middle of the night when he was asleep. She then waited until he had the car re-sprayed then started doing things like slashing tires, scratching the paintwork etc. This cycle of her vandalism carried on for about 4months, until she finally got all the anger out of her system about his cheating and then she threw him out - he suspects she vandalised his vehicle but has no proof.

She told me a year after they split that she was the vandal, nobody else knows! I'm still Shock

PeppaPigTastesLikeBacon · 03/01/2018 13:34

No me but my sister used to put dead flies in her ex’s food (things like chilli con carnie, spag bol etc. What she did wasn’t great but her idiot ex was a serial cheater, threatened our niece when he was caught by her (he had been drinking) and made her out to be a liar (she was 11ish at the time)

I think what you did was amazing! Abusive emails definitely shouldn’t be sent through work emails. I’m glad they got suspended for it

undertheradarplease · 03/01/2018 13:41

I'm howling at these Grin

My OH has never cheated on me, therefore I have never found myself in this situation. However, when my mum and dad split up due to his infidelity, my mum went completely rogue.

The day the shit hit the fan affair came to light, I recall hearing my mum and her friend laughing hysterically upstairs. Obviously, I went to see what was going on. There she was, scissors in hand, cutting all of my dads silk ties in half (think corporate job and vvv expensive ties) before folding them up on top of all his clothes that were neatly packed into a suitcase. She'd added some nifty fringing to all his suits and cut the buttons off his shirts.

We all laugh about it now, my dad included, but at the time I was only a teenager and kind of just stood at the door with my mouth agape Shock

SanFranBear · 03/01/2018 13:50

MultiGrey - I am loving the shower gel.. that is pure pure evil genius - good for you!

isseywithcats · 03/01/2018 13:52

after chucking my ex out for cheating i didnt do any outright revenge moves much as i felt like it, but one day not long after splitting i was sorting out drawers and came across all of the photos of our time togehter, so i wrote in big black letters on all of them, Cheat, Liar, wanker, put them in an envelope and posted them through his door as he wasnt far from me at that point, but when the OW (met online and didnt know he was married till after i chucked him out) had the cheek to phone me to ask if i was going to pay for the divorce i told her a few home truths about what her darling fella was really like, so after that i heard from his daughter that she made his life hell, by constantly accusing him of cheating on her , getting oiled on drink, (he dosent drink) taking his car keys to work with her so he couldnt use his car, treating him like dirt, so i suppose my revenge was picking myself up off the ground and getting my life back together on my terms

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