To ask about revenge and break-ups

[Carbohol78]

Not really an AIBU thread, but it arose from one, so most of the contributors of the original thread (AIBU to refuse to stop receiving maintenance) will be in this area

This will offend some people! But it’s anonymous on the internet, and even though the topic or circumstances aren’t light-hearted, I though we could have a giggle and try to see some humour in the pain that we once had!

To be clear, I am not proud of what I did, I handled the break-up very badly, I have never badmouthed my Ex to our DC, but at the time of the break-up (several years ago) I did everything I could to make his life a misery. I will spend the rest of my life secretly making up to my children for not being a bit stronger or more resilient and rising above it.

Basically .... what was your awful break-up or revenge story?

My Ex cheated (a lot!) and when it finally became too much for me to deny it and look the other way, he left me for one of the OW

I was heartbroken and debt-ridden with young children and he gave no financial support at all

In my case, I used his credit card to pay for the outstanding bills - council tax, water, electricity etc. Then after a torrent of abusive emails and texts about how I had “let myself go”, was a crap mum with mental health issues, Ex one day stupidly forwarded me an email in error which one of his OW had written, pretending to be him (for him to send me from his account), again listing all my faults. As the OW sent it from her work account to his work account, I saw red and sent it to both their companies HR Depts claiming they were vicariously liable for their employees’ harassment. They both got suspended and disciplined, his sister tore me apart on social media, so I sent the email to his friends and family also

Obviously I was just as bad in replying with vindictive texts and just as nasty, but he cheated, so I felt justified

Told you I was bad!

Worridmum, you'd get a lot more sympathy for your brother if you didn't try to convince us that he was completely justified in what he did. Your parents chose to spend that amount of money on her child, they certainly didn't have to.

This is definitely worthy of being on Jeremy Kyle.

And yes I am self-righteous if I think that it is never ever ever right to send revenge porn. Ever

wherethevioletsgrow what are you on about? Why are you conflating the revenge porn post with worrid 's post? That's absolutely ridiculous.p as they're completely separate events.

It is true what they say, the best revenge is living your life well.

My first long term relationship in my 20s, my dp was a bastard. Selfish, arrogant, condescending, he put me down and insulted me and thought he was God's gift to humanity.

I looked him up on Facebook a few years ago and laughed my ass off.

He is a no hoper in a dead end job and hasn't used his degree at all.

I got revenge on him by doing nothing and realise now that he put me down as deep down he knew he was a piece of shit.

I doubt that's even true or that the pram was silver cross. You're just backtracking because people pointed out that your brother behaved in a low manner.

How is it backtracking? Worrid said in her first post that they were expensive. She didn't know self-righteous you was going to be questioning her on the make of the pram, did she?

I believe worrid , but I don't believe you are as anywhere as self-effacing and honourable as you make out in your posts.

Worridmum, you'd get a lot more sympathy for your brother if you didn't try to convince us that he was completely justified in what he did. Your parents chose to spend that amount of money on her child, they certainly didn't have to.

Lizzie, in her first post, worrid did say they didn't cover themselves in glory, so I don't think she thinks they were completely justified. But posts like whereethevioletsare would get my back up to.

And the parents thought they were spending the money on things for their grandchild, not a cuckoo.

Lizzie48
No one is saying that what they did was good, but that they were driven to it by what the person they loved did to them.

Interesting that this is dragged out now when in so many cases its not acceptable at all.

I am not saying he acted in the best manner but to suggest hes as bad as some posters on here are suggesting is not on and no one is even bringing her manner into this what sort of person serially cheats on someone at swingers parties has a love child attempts to lie and say its her long time partners (and exposing my brother to all manner of STDs as if she conceived a child she obviously wasn't practicing safe sex.)

So what if the baby is deprived of its cot if the mother had not be such a cow and told us that the baby possibly was not his they would not of spent so much in the first place.

The so called suffering of the baby is all due to the fact of her mothers actions and the blame for it solely rests on her shoulders no one else's.

While i agree my brother may have lost the moral high ground why the hell should he of let such a person walk away with close to £5,000 worth of stuff?

Its the mothers fault and hers alone why the baby has to leave its decorated room if she had be honest it would of not had to be moved a lot and could of just been brought up in her parents house.

Thank god he had a paternity before he put her on the deeds (which is what she was pushing for at the time).

I just re-read the post and I still think he was a spiteful arsehole and could have conducted himself with a bit of dignity.

Yeah 'coz his ex having an affair, getting pregnant and lying about the paternity of the DF is sooooooo dignifying and ok.

🙄

"And the parents thought they were spending the money on things for their grandchild, not a cuckoo."

This ^ all the way.

Do you know the hurt someone feels thinking that they are going to be a parent for months of the pregency and then for about 9 months after she was born despite the baby obviously not looking like him at all (baby of mixed race I do not know the proper PC term) bonding with the baby his obvious concerns being fobbed of by the mother saying its definitly yours.

And when asked for a paternity test to be done shouting and screaming that he is accusing her of lying / cheating for then the whole thing to ripped out from underneath you as you find out you are not the parent and the child is not yours.

We as woman have the certianity that no matter what the baby is ours so even if the father is not our partner we would never go through what my brother when trough (it nearly destoryed him so what if he was a bit spiteful his whole world was shattered because his love of his life and what he thought was mother of his child produced a love child that was not his and he should act all dignified and let her do what she wants)

excusing all the horrid emotional shit storm she put him through by lying about the paternity of the baby and people on her think he should of been a door mat and took the morally high ground and let her walk away Scott free with easily to sell high value items well you are a better person then us.

A baby is not going to suffer in any way for not having a cot or a pram for a few days. It's just an inconvenience for the parents. My first baby slept in a baby bath with a cut to fit camping mat for the first few nights after coming home from hospital while we waited for the cot to be delivered (30+ years ago).

I don't do revenge.

I did however get royally screwed over by a female colleague once and still had messages from her boasting about getting our boss to leave his wife for her before she called it off.
They were gleeful and nasty.
So when I found out how she had behaved, coupled with how she always plays the victim, I forwarded the messages "accidentally" to one of our gossipy colleagues and watched it all unfold...

She asked me why I did it and I told her the absolute truth, that she's a nasty piece of work and it's about time someone put her in her place.

It didn't feel good in the aftermath to be honest. Maybe the high was worth it, but watching a grown woman sobbing by herself because everyone in the office is fed up of her shit and now knows what she's really like, because of you, is just a bit crap.

Oh and she went around telling all his family and friends he was a dead beat dad refusing to pay for his child etc and then going wild that her privacy had been invaded when he showed said friends the paternity test proving he was not the father as apparently showing proof that she was lying was a gross invasion of her privacy and that he should not be showing people the proof that she slept around as who she sleeps with is her businesses and hers alone.

Worridmum

I think people were responding to the baby potentially suffering from your brother's revenge. They weren't defending his ex's behaviour, which was very selfish.

Cutting her work clothes wasn't on. Taking the pram and cot off her and taking them both back to her parents was more understandable.

Worrid the only reason your brother is getting this flack is of course because he is a man. Some on here would genuinely expect him to move out of his home and continue to support his ex and her child. That is how one sided mn can be.

Worried, I think your brother was highly justified to he honest! One of my friends went through the same situation and found out when the baby was a year old that he wasn't the dad. This was over 10 years ago now and he's still cut up about it. He too had spent a fortune on what he thought was his first baby. He walked away with nothing due to shock. She on the other hand went straight back to the OM and started playing happy families. I bet he wishes he had been as strong as your brother as it would give him some comfort!

“@JustGiveMeTwoMinutes

A baby is not going to suffer in any way for not having a cot or a pram for a few days. It's just an inconvenience for the parents. My first baby slept in a baby bath with a cut to fit camping mat for the first few nights after coming home from hospital while we waited for the cot to be delivered (30+ years ago)“

Aw, I love stories like that, DD (20) slept in a cardboard box for a week at least, with a pillow as a mattress as I heard about all the second hand mattress/cot death links and it terrified me! (Not sure how 20yo me thought a really old pillow was better than a slightly old mattress? 🤔)

worridmum, I don't think you brother was that unreasonable either. it was up to his ex-partner's parents or the father of her child to support her if she couldn't do that herself.

Considering this is a 'revenge' thread it's amazing that double-standards exist for men and women, in such similar circumstances, but they do. I agree with Cherry about the 'cuckoo' issue too. The grandparents (de facto) must have been so upset.

People are quick enough to jump on cheating men; cheating women are no different and, if they're pregnant with someone else's child then that is on them to come to terms with, not for other people to have to 'mop up'.

People do a lot of things in anger.
I don't think cutting an ex's expensive clothes when she has done irreparable emotional damage to a whole family is not much of a big deal. I am sure she was able to move on from the cut up clothes.

I popped the plastic ball out of his roll-on deodorant and put a garlic clove in the liquid. Then replaced the ball.

He used to spit in my mouth and wouldn’t let people speak to me. Then he moved in with a woman and posted it on Facebook .... when we were still together.

Lemony

At spitting in your mouth...

It is entirely different if they have primary care for a small baby. Get a grip of yourself. It's never nice to be cheated on but forcing a small child to leave his/her home is not on

Why on earth was it his responsibility to house a baby that wasn't his? Why are you blaming the man who was lied to and cheated on...what about the lying cheating mother? Isn't it her responsibility to house HER child?

When I was with my ex (dv, controlling) he would refuse to allow me to buy toys, clothes for the kids.
I also wanted to take them to Disneyland but he refused because it was a “kids” holiday and there was no hot tubs for him to “chill and have a beer” in.

So when we split up I saved all his child maintenance and paid for a all inclusive week in Disneyland.

When I found my current I pawned my wedding rings in and spent it on new sexy underwear, bedding and condoms.

Obviously he doesn’t know any of this, but it doesn’t matter, it was still amazing revenge.

I do however think that the best revenge is getting your shit together. After our split he didn’t see me for over a year, and when he saw me (5 Stone lighter, mastered makeup and my hair) he literally said wow.
I did it for myself, but I find it ironic that his OW got pregnant right after I met her.