Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask about revenge and break-ups

178 replies

Carbohol78 · 03/01/2018 11:43

Not really an AIBU thread, but it arose from one, so most of the contributors of the original thread (AIBU to refuse to stop receiving maintenance) will be in this area

This will offend some people! But it’s anonymous on the internet, and even though the topic or circumstances aren’t light-hearted, I though we could have a giggle and try to see some humour in the pain that we once had!

To be clear, I am not proud of what I did, I handled the break-up very badly, I have never badmouthed my Ex to our DC, but at the time of the break-up (several years ago) I did everything I could to make his life a misery. I will spend the rest of my life secretly making up to my children for not being a bit stronger or more resilient and rising above it.

Basically .... what was your awful break-up or revenge story?

My Ex cheated (a lot!) and when it finally became too much for me to deny it and look the other way, he left me for one of the OW

I was heartbroken and debt-ridden with young children and he gave no financial support at all

In my case, I used his credit card to pay for the outstanding bills - council tax, water, electricity etc. Then after a torrent of abusive emails and texts about how I had “let myself go”, was a crap mum with mental health issues, Ex one day stupidly forwarded me an email in error which one of his OW had written, pretending to be him (for him to send me from his account), again listing all my faults. As the OW sent it from her work account to his work account, I saw red and sent it to both their companies HR Depts claiming they were vicariously liable for their employees’ harassment. They both got suspended and disciplined, his sister tore me apart on social media, so I sent the email to his friends and family also

Obviously I was just as bad in replying with vindictive texts and just as nasty, but he cheated, so I felt justified HaloGrin

Told you I was bad!

OP posts:
Fluffyunicorns · 05/01/2018 01:22

In last stages of relationship alcoholic exh thought I knew nothing about the bottles of wine he had hidden in the house. I used to wait till he was asleep then empty all but the last inch down the drain - even did the 3l wine box - he must have wondered what was happening but he could never ask as that would have meant telling me about the bottles - little thingsSmile

roundthehorn · 06/01/2018 03:09

@cbaanymore et al

You can be sure my xh got his share of my rage alongside OW. I always think the cheating partner deserves 90% of the blame no matter what the circumstances, if you're attracted to another person then finish the first relationship, don't hedge your bets.
Did I say I was proud of my actions? I was appalled at myself but after the years of torment and bs I lived through I simply snapped.
For the sake of my kids I have maintained a cordial relationship with the insufferable prick - made easier as we live on different continents - and encouraged them all to have a healthy relationship with their father even through the years when they had no wish to spend any time at all with him.
But sure, feel free to judge my personality on one story. xx

BishBoshBashBop · 06/01/2018 03:15

But sure, feel free to judge my personality on one story.

No one judged your personality.

What they are judging is your criminal act that could easily have ended up with you being prosecuted xx

Wishingandwaiting · 06/01/2018 07:49

No, I judge you remote. I absolutely do.

You put that woman at risk. You arranged for 5 random men to meet her by posting a picture of her “lady garden” (so hardly going to be the most pleasant of men). What you did was way out of line and would indicate someone who is a very vicious character

Bluedoglead · 06/01/2018 07:56

That’s revenge porn roundthehorn and was an awful thing to do. It’s illegal. As is criminal damage to her car.

Awful awful thread.

BellBookandCandle · 06/01/2018 07:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Peoniesandcats · 06/01/2018 08:13

If anyone sent me something nasty from their work email it would go to their HR department (and to their CEO as well as on social media with the company tagged in!) Well done OP

Wishingandwaiting · 06/01/2018 08:13

round not remote that should say

DearShirt · 06/01/2018 08:18

Beware before you share stories. I was outed on here after something similar and got into some trouble for it.

Nasty exes sometimes stalk MN it seems

Bluedoglead · 06/01/2018 08:20

Yeah that ex who put paint on the car and the woman who had the work cunt scratched on her car AND the pic of her vag shared AND the email sent round work - they now know who it was. If they read this thread.

Turnocks34 · 06/01/2018 08:30

I got pregnant wth my ex boyfriend. Of 5 years. He refused to believe the baby was his (I'd never cheated on him) then on the. day of my first midwife appointment he left me £50 and a note telling me he was leaving and could I use the money for a termination 🙄. I actually went into miscarry anyway, and he immediately came back, begging me to get back with him blah blah. When it was clear it was a no, His mum came round with him to help clear his stuff from our flat, and demanded to know why I wasn't taking him back. Turns out he'd told her I'd had a misscariagenand 'for no reason at all' blamed him. I gave her the note and told her the full story, and told her to basically fuck off. Kept the £50 though.

Notreallyarsed · 06/01/2018 08:44

@Turnocks34 please tell me she was disgusted with him??? Sorry for your loss Flowers

ClaryFray · 06/01/2018 09:24

My ex cheated on me with my cousins then long term girlfriend. He gave his job up and started claiming benefits to avoid paying more that 2.50 a week on jobseekers. He was however working cash in hand for a family friend.

I shopped him and the company to the tax man.
Gave the Bailiff that came round his mums address.

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 06/01/2018 09:28

In think you stuck up for yourself personally Grin

Not everyone would have had the guts to don’t that

Can you forgive yourself and draw a line under it now ?

Winosaurus · 06/01/2018 09:31

Not exactly revenge because she did it herself - so it’s actually beautiful karma...
My ex left me at 7 months pregnant for OW. Sporadic contact, he decided never to meet our DD and made a new life with OW.
Anyway I found out they had a DD of their own who is only 2 years younger than my DD.
I found the OW on linked in and sent her a very nice email explaining I wasn’t angry, water under the bridge etc (I was remarried and had a DS with my DH at this point) but I asked if we could keep in contact occasionally as whether we liked it or not our DDs are sisters and deserve to know about each other. Sent her my contact details if she wanted to keep in touch.

Anyway what I received was a torrent of abuse about how I should have aborted my DD when Ex left me (at 7 months pregnant?) I was a slut trying to muscle in on their happy family life, I was young and stupid to think he could ever have loved me... blah blah blah
Turns out she’s the CEO of her own company with around 50 employees. I replied calmly with the facts about what happened with Ex (I suspect he’d lied to her too) and very nicely put that the door was open for contact.

I came back to me laptop some hours later to around 15 emails on a thread from people I had never met saying things like “I don’t think this email was for me” etc.
Turns out the silly cow had CC’d her entire staff onto our email conversation accidentally Grin

I’m not sure I would have liked to be her at work the next day! LOL
Everyone saw not only that her “perfect” husband had abandoned a child but her vitriolic abuse of the family he left behind.

I still smile when I think about it!

heateallthebuns · 06/01/2018 09:52

Sounds ok to me!

Xeneth88 · 06/01/2018 09:52

@roundthehorn

If you're always this unhinged and devious, I can see why he left you to be honest. You deserve everything you've got and its a shame she didn't press charges.

wherethevioletsgrow · 06/01/2018 10:38

You can be sure my xh got his share of my rage alongside OW. I always think the cheating partner deserves 90% of the blame no matter what the circumstances, if you're attracted to another person then finish the first relationship, don't hedge your bets

OK, so what did you do to him that was 9 times worse than putting a woman in a potentially dangerous situation with five strangers who may have assaulted her, damaged her car, and sent revenge porn??

I am actually sickened by your post. That woman in no way deserved anything like that and it says so so much about you as a person. And yes I can and do judge your personality from that one post because it reveals everything about you.

AnyFucker · 06/01/2018 10:42

Topping up hated shower gel versus revenge porn

Hmm. Huuuuuge difference there Shock

Notreallyarsed · 06/01/2018 10:49

Setting someone up with 5 men who have seen intimate photos could have gone horribly, horribly wrong for the OW. I’m not saying she’s a decent person, but nobody deserves that.

HouseworkIsAPain · 06/01/2018 10:52

The one where someone helped make a baby homeless and to destroy the mothers made me Shock. The mother may well have lied but it must have been a seriously fucked up relationship between the poster’s brother and the woman to get to that point.

HouseworkIsAPain · 06/01/2018 10:53

Destroy the mothers clothes

BrucesBitOnTheSide · 06/01/2018 10:56

I'm surprised MNHQ is allowing some sickening comments on this thread to remain. If any man had posted that they'd set a woman up in this way there would have been hundreds of posts in disgust.

Sending 5 men to meet a woman? Criminally damaging her car? Sending pornogrphic images to her work mates that rightly or wrongly had been sent privately to someone? Hideous behaviour, absolutely hideous.

WorraLiberty · 06/01/2018 11:00

Jesus Christ roundthehorn that is unhinged! Shock

"But sure, feel free to judge my personality on one story. xx"

Yes I certainly will.

Especially with the added "enough water has gone under the bridge that I can raise a smile when I share these tales!"

Yes, hilarious Hmm

C8H10N4O2 · 06/01/2018 11:03

I'm surprised MNHQ is allowing some sickening comments on this thread to remain

Its the weekend.

If any man had posted

They would likely get similar reactions if they were posting about an ex with an OM/W.

As pp said up thread - shower gel=funny, revenge porn=criminal