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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask about revenge and break-ups

178 replies

Carbohol78 · 03/01/2018 11:43

Not really an AIBU thread, but it arose from one, so most of the contributors of the original thread (AIBU to refuse to stop receiving maintenance) will be in this area

This will offend some people! But it’s anonymous on the internet, and even though the topic or circumstances aren’t light-hearted, I though we could have a giggle and try to see some humour in the pain that we once had!

To be clear, I am not proud of what I did, I handled the break-up very badly, I have never badmouthed my Ex to our DC, but at the time of the break-up (several years ago) I did everything I could to make his life a misery. I will spend the rest of my life secretly making up to my children for not being a bit stronger or more resilient and rising above it.

Basically .... what was your awful break-up or revenge story?

My Ex cheated (a lot!) and when it finally became too much for me to deny it and look the other way, he left me for one of the OW

I was heartbroken and debt-ridden with young children and he gave no financial support at all

In my case, I used his credit card to pay for the outstanding bills - council tax, water, electricity etc. Then after a torrent of abusive emails and texts about how I had “let myself go”, was a crap mum with mental health issues, Ex one day stupidly forwarded me an email in error which one of his OW had written, pretending to be him (for him to send me from his account), again listing all my faults. As the OW sent it from her work account to his work account, I saw red and sent it to both their companies HR Depts claiming they were vicariously liable for their employees’ harassment. They both got suspended and disciplined, his sister tore me apart on social media, so I sent the email to his friends and family also

Obviously I was just as bad in replying with vindictive texts and just as nasty, but he cheated, so I felt justified HaloGrin

Told you I was bad!

OP posts:
MultiGrey · 03/01/2018 14:16

I heard a great one on Grimmy's show the other week.

Someone put an ad on a Facebook selling site selling Bieber tickets really cheaply...and put the ex's phone number on them. Their phone went into meltdown apparently Grin

Notreallyarsed · 03/01/2018 14:17

That shower gel one is defcon level genius! Grin

Notreallyarsed · 03/01/2018 14:18

Ooh I remembered mine, XH emptied the joint account and refused to take his name off it, so for months I signed up to every chugger who stopped me in the street. Gorillas, donkeys, any charity that asked. He wasn’t happy when he realised it was completely legal as I was named on the account too Grin

Clandestino · 03/01/2018 15:18

Ooh I remembered mine, XH emptied the joint account and refused to take his name off it, so for months I signed up to every chugger who stopped me in the street. Gorillas, donkeys, any charity that asked. He wasn’t happy when he realised it was completely legal as I was named on the account too

That's brilliant. Along with the shower gel. And OP. And the rest. Ladies, I am virtually bowing to you.

Loadedllama · 03/01/2018 15:27

This thread is the sort that attracts the Daily Mail cut and paste artistes :( so just saying, this one isn’t for you Daily Mail.

Karigan1 · 03/01/2018 15:34

No. Just no. Ok fine let out your inner bitch when there are no kids involved but if kids are involved then you have to go-parent for their sake. That means treating the ex with respect even if it’s through gritted teeth. Stupid stuff like that just inflames the situation, continues the animosity and it’s the kids that suffer.

Notreallyarsed · 03/01/2018 15:40

How are the kids affected though? Surely finding a way to vent without involving the children is the healthiest way to do it? Or should we all just suck up whatever our bastard exes throw at us and smile sweetly?

isseywithcats · 03/01/2018 15:44

no co children in my case his children were teens when we met and mine were about the same age so no children between us

BattleCuntGalactica · 03/01/2018 15:47

WELL BLOODY DONE.

That is some stellar and well deserved revenge there.

BattleCuntGalactica · 03/01/2018 15:50

My most petty and most childish act of all was when he bought a bottle of shower gel that he hated the smell of but was too tight to replace it so said he would just have to keep using it til it ran out...well I bought five more bottles and just kept topping it up bit by bit so it took weeks to use up.

LMFAO

StormTreader · 03/01/2018 15:50

The shower gel thing is genius!

Karigan1 · 03/01/2018 15:51

Trust me I know the feelings as I’m happily divorced from a total bastard myself but if the animosity continues it effects the kids. Do you think the other person is going to smile and think what a great joke when they see this shit being pulled or are they going to do something back because why should they suck it up either. And so it escalates and this is how you end up with long bitter divorces and custody battles.

Your revenge is having a happy life without the cheating bastard.

girlwithadragontattoo · 03/01/2018 15:53

about 5 years ago i went through a really messy break up. I'd moved from the countryside into a big city miles away from my close family (i had cousins and an auntie that lived about an hours tube journey away). My ex had cheated on me and it all came to light when he dumped my on my birthday, we hadn't moved at this point were in the planning stages, he kick me out and i went back my mums. We got back together and moved. About 6 months after i had a feeling and sure enough he was still talking to her, though i could se from the reply he wasn't interested anymore. That really hurt! We then had the chance to move to America for his work, went through the process of apply for a visa, leaving my job etc... 6 weeks before the big move, always on a sunday he'd either not want to be with mem, wanted to be with me but didnt want me to move, wanted me to move but wasn't sure if it would work out. I had enough so ended it, we were still tied into out lease which ended about 2 weeks after he left. he left me homeless and jobless! Before he did go i pissed in his running trainers and let them dry (i washed once a month as they got a lot of us and he'd never think to do this) and watched him pack them in his case with all his nice cloths, i pored tuna juice in a pair of smart shoes he had, i aired them out and again watched him pack everything. I could have done so much more but that was enough for me

N2986 · 03/01/2018 15:57

Love this thread! Amazing!

Glitterbugg · 03/01/2018 16:15

I don’t blame you at all OP!!

Was left in debt up to my eyeballs too! Plus he was just horrible, and I mean horrible. I don’t know what I was thinking.

I found itching powder useful when packing up
his clothes.

worridmum · 03/01/2018 16:24

Best one isn't my revenge but my brothers.

His ex girlfriend was a cheat and went so far as to have another man's child while claiming in was my brothers.

It all came out when my brother at a paternity test in secret as she was point blank refusing to have one as apparently he should of just taken her word for it.

Basically both of them are white but the baby was not so it raised alarm bells as she then refused to consent to a paternity test.

So after the results confirmed our suspicions I helped my brother clear out all her stuff while she was at work (unpicked a lot of sticthing on her work clothes while he poured bleach on her dry clean only dresses and cut up her expensive scarfs) we then bagged up all this in black bags.

He got all the locks changed and voided her access card so she could not get into the foray of the apartment block and took all the stuff her parents bought for the baby (just baby clothes and some bottles) and put them in their garage.

While keeping everything our parents a paid for aka the pram, cot and all the other big purchases (he sold them on as could not return most of them).

While not covering ourselves in glory at basically making a young baby homeless and keeping the vast majority of the baby items, as why the hell should she benefit from what our parents paid for.

(she could move back her parents so wasn't on the street but added 2 hours to her commute to work).

Even though her family was screaming abuse at us calling us heartless bastards because she lost her job (she couldn't be bothered to make the commute to work) and her parents had to buy all the baby things he kept and he should of done the decent thing and let her live in his flat and move out and let her keep all the baby items our parents had.

But apparently cheating on someone and having another mans child while claiming it was his was perfectly acceptable.

Though she sent a solicitors letter threatening legal action as she thought he had a duty of care to her and her child and it was a unlawful eviction and for the damages to her clothes, which went no where.

While i am not claiming these actions were the best it was very therapeutic to have done it and in my opinion what she did was unforgivable and the results were all her own doing.

ClothEaredBint · 03/01/2018 16:34

I'm going through a marriage breakup at the moment, and you know what? Ive SEEN how vile and nasty and vicious it can get having watched my domestically abusive SIL drag my disabled DB through the mud and divorce courts/

As much as my stbxh is behaving like a child, I wouldn't dream of doing any of these to him because i'm an adult and the kids deserve for us to try and remain civil for their sake.

Revenge like this is just childish.

My revenge is living my life the way I see fit, free of his control.

Idontevencareanymore · 03/01/2018 16:49

My ex tried to take revenge on me. After weeks telling me I was too fat to be loved (I was a size 10 if it mattered) he then told all my friends and family I was an evil bitch who'd left him with nothing and he had no choice but to turn to drink blah blah.
While I apparently was living it up, got a job and a nice home.

Lost me some of my closest friends. Until 10 years later I told them the actual truth. Now he just looks petty and spiteful. So I'm pleased I didn't retaliate.

Ops I get. Destroying someone's posssessions I really don't.

Peachyking000 · 03/01/2018 16:59

I had a snigger at the previous poster damping the tea bags Grin

There was an old thread on here once about a revenge story, and opinions were divided. A couple split up, and the man was heading over off to the airport, to play some obscure sport in an international competition. Only to find at the airport that his ex had cut the photo page out of his passport. I know it was cruel but it did make me laugh

RedForFilth · 03/01/2018 17:02

Ohh just remembered before my ex moved his stuff out the house I used to use his shoes to kill the big spiders with! He doesn't know even now...But I do!

Cantuccit · 03/01/2018 17:12

Some people are so self-righteous.

I wouldn't dream of doing any of these to him because i'm an adult

Well no one's asking you to are they 🙄

I doubt you would even have the imagination to do the shower gel prank. And it's harmless. Who does it harm?

Glitterbugg · 03/01/2018 17:17

Break-ups are shitty - even when it’s blatantly the best thing for both sides.

My friend split with someone, stayed friends etc.. thought they were both in the same place. Until she went on a date. That’s when the nastiness began. It was quite a while later (about 6 months if memory serves me).

I think when you’ve paid for (and been left with the bills for) said possessions it makes you feel like messing with people.

Notreallyarsed · 03/01/2018 17:44

I wouldn't dream of doing any of these to him because i'm an adult

Well aren’t you Polly Perfect? I’m fairly sure that seeing his mother get battered in front of him, his dad not bothering with him unless he had a new gf to impress and generally being a bastard did far more damage to my son than my petty act of revenge. But thanks for telling us all we’re shit parents and how utterly fantastic you are

HiggeldyPigsinblankets · 03/01/2018 18:39

my ex was a cheat and a liar, he left saying he didnt want to do family any more,his cheating came to light when I logged into an old email account of his, I found emails to ow and details of a swinging site they had joined, so printed all the emails, pictures and details from the site and handed them to my solicitor they found their way into the file that went before the divorce judge, laminated two pictures back to back and sent it to his parents who swore blind he wasnt cheating despite ow visiting with him just before Christmas, would have loved to have been there at the christmas meal, more stuffing dear Grin no regrets what so ever, and kids had no idea

Frusso · 03/01/2018 18:40

When I kicked ex out after discovering he had cheated again, I cut the crotch out of every single pair of boxers and the toes off all his socks as I kindly packed his stuff for him whilst he was at work.
It might have been a small act and very childish, but it made me feel better and I still snigger about it.