Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I asked my guest to leave my home.

999 replies

bubblesdrew · 02/01/2018 22:44

We built a house a couple of fields away from some neighbours.

I met the husband at the local shop a couple of months after we got settled & after some chat asked if him and his wife would like to join us, friends & family for a New Years Eve dinner.

His wife and himself arrived that night and they were initially great. During conversation she asked for a tour of the house and I said no (not in a rude way). 20 minutes later she said again that she would like a tour of the house and again I said no. Then a THIRD time she asked and at that point my husband stepped in and said that there wouldn't be a tour.

She used the bathroom numerous times in the night which is located under the stairs. My niece was in our room at the top of the stairs past the closet which eventually leads into the master bedroom.

This woman had climbed the stairs later in the night when she asked to be excused for the bathroom went through my closet and into the master bedroom. My niece flew down and told my husband who marched upstairs and quietly asked her to leave. She claimed she was lost but, she had used the bottom bathroom all night!!
Should I have given her a tour or was she being completely unreasonable?

OP posts:
coconuttella · 02/01/2018 23:33

Asking for a tour is rather cheeky but not especially rude. Asking again when the host has declined the first time is rude though. Asking a third time is extremely rude. Taking yourself on a tour after being declined 3 times is outrageous and she deserved to be chucked out.

PaxUniversalis · 02/01/2018 23:33

@LassWiTheDelicateAir
It must be a cultural thing.

It must be. I wasn't brought up in the UK. In my home country of origin it is definitely a no no UNLESS the hosts offer a tour of their house. But as a guest you NEVER ask. It's considered rude and incredibly nosy. If you're invited into someone's kitchen or living room, you stay in the kitchen or living room (unless you need a loo visit). You would certainly not start wandering off by yourself.

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 02/01/2018 23:33

kaytee87
One of my friends has even given someone else a tour of my house when I was pouring drinks

Perfectly normal behaviour.

Toastedstrudel · 02/01/2018 23:33

Well if your niece was upstairs you could have used not disturbing her as an excuse? Or you could have laughed it off and said something about it being untidy.

Charolais · 02/01/2018 23:34

A few years ago we had a couple here for a few hours, they were with my BIL and I had never met them before. The husband asked if he could have a look upstairs. I was pretty surprised by his cheek and told him no. Nobody had asked me that before. I consider my bedroom a very private place.

Regularsizedrudy · 02/01/2018 23:36

I don’t think anyone’s ENTITLED to a tour but where I am it’s the norm to show people round quickly. Especially if it’s a new house, even more so if it’s a house you’d built. Usually people love it as it gives them a chance to show off. Also did you tell her she wasn’t allowed upstairs? She was cheeky to wander off but if I was her I’d think you had a right stick up your arse.

WhoAmIAnymore · 02/01/2018 23:37

A tour? Who does that?

No-one goes in mine & DH's bedroom except our young dc, our own parents wouldn't even go in there so I'm gobsmacked that anyone thinks you 'should' have offered a tour!

Sounds like she was looking for things to steal to me or perhaps I'm cynical.

Original poster
bubblesdrew · 02/01/2018 23:37

Sometimes it's okay to just straight up say no!!!!! I was always one of those people who said, 'No because....' and now I just say 'No' and it makes me feel so much clearer.

OP posts:
TheLegendOfBeans · 02/01/2018 23:38

Ok, so OP please clarify:

  1. Are they Scottish?
  2. Do you live in Royston Vasey?
frogsoup · 02/01/2018 23:38

I do think it's weird to invite someone round and not agree to a request for a tour if you've just built a new house! Totally standard behaviour to ask to admire new build space, and v weird to refuse unless you qualify with a really good reason. Obviously she shouldn't have asked three times,and definitely not sneaked up without asking, but you'd have ticked my 'too uptight to be good friends' box right after the first refusal.

Cuppaand2biscuits · 02/01/2018 23:38

So rude! I wonder what she thought you had hidden up there.
My friend had a new friend over for the first time, the guest went upstairs to use the bathroom (no downstairs loo) and when she'd finished shouted down, Is it ok if I have a poke about up here?
Then went and looked round the bedrooms!

WhoAmIAnymore · 02/01/2018 23:38

@missiondecision That's a tad different, I'd like to see where my dc are visiting as well, just to make sure it's safe!

Original poster
bubblesdrew · 02/01/2018 23:39

@thelegendofbeans I just had to google Royston Vasey so that's a definite no.
No they are Irish. Like me!

OP posts:
FucksakeCuntingFuckingTwats · 02/01/2018 23:39

I'm Scottish people who had built their own house or renovated usually always offer a tour. I'd never ask though and TBH Im not bothered unless it's a close family member or friend. I'd never of accepted a dinner invite on nye to virtual strangers house.

Boulshired · 02/01/2018 23:40

I would never behave in the way the neighbour did but if I was invited to a new build house by someone I didn't know I would probably assume it was because they wanted to show off their house and depending on the house might be the only reason I would go.

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 02/01/2018 23:40

This is fascinating. It has really polarised opinion.

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 02/01/2018 23:40

A tour?if you lived in a building of note refurbished with public monies- yes
Tour of your own gaff,refurbished at your own expense. No of course not,how ridiculous

SlowlyShrinking · 02/01/2018 23:41

Ime it’s fairly normal to be asked for a tour, especially of a new house. I probably wouldn’t ask someone I didn’t know very well though, but I’d expect you to offer a tour at some point in the evening. If you didn’t, I’d probably assume that you hadn’t tidied up. I would feel a bit short-changed if no tour was forthcoming of a new house that you’d had built yourself though!

BMW6 · 02/01/2018 23:41

Those of you who like to offer guests a tour of your house, or have no objection if asked, fine and dandy - your house, your rules.

But get to fuck with saying others are weird or wrong because they do not feel the same as you. Their house, their rules.

Carouselfish · 02/01/2018 23:41

Again, one for the rude for not giving a tour. and I'm slightly against OP for agonising use of 'himself'
The guest was outside the remits of normal behaviour however. Was she drunk?

PaxUniversalis · 02/01/2018 23:42

@SlowlyShrinking
I would feel a bit short-changed if no tour was forthcoming of a new house that you’d had built yourself though!

But it's not a peep show!

ForFuckSakeSusan · 02/01/2018 23:42

I don’t understand? Surely the only time you give a tour of your house is if you’re trying to sell it? I feel embarrassed just thinking of trailing someone round the house, what do you say when you show them each room? Just a simple “this is the bathroom, this is the bedroom, this is the cupboard”?

So many questions Grin for what it’s worth OP YANBU but I’m guessing it must be a north/south divide thing, each to their own!

Willow2017 · 02/01/2018 23:43

You said no for your own reasons. That should have sufficed.

Nobody has a right to go around someone's house just cos they are nosey! Its not open to the bloody public ffs.

When you invite someone to dinner you dont add on "guided tours will be given at 9pm". The only place guests need to see is downstairs where they will be eating and socialising and the loo.

I dont want anyone poking around my bedroom. I have a load of work stuff in there so it never looks tidy. Thats my personal space anyway not a reception room!

Original poster
bubblesdrew · 02/01/2018 23:44

@Carouselfis No she was driving. She was really enjoying herself which was lovely & I think just thought to ask whilst we were all getting on so well!

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 02/01/2018 23:45

To the people who are saying "I don't understand why you didn't giver her a tour of your house".

It's quite simple - the OP didn't want to.

I'd count my pills if you have any prescription bottles lying about.

Having said that, this post is batshit crazy ^^ and one of the reasons I love Mumsnet! Grin Grin