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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I asked my guest to leave my home.

999 replies

bubblesdrew · 02/01/2018 22:44

We built a house a couple of fields away from some neighbours.

I met the husband at the local shop a couple of months after we got settled & after some chat asked if him and his wife would like to join us, friends & family for a New Years Eve dinner.

His wife and himself arrived that night and they were initially great. During conversation she asked for a tour of the house and I said no (not in a rude way). 20 minutes later she said again that she would like a tour of the house and again I said no. Then a THIRD time she asked and at that point my husband stepped in and said that there wouldn't be a tour.

She used the bathroom numerous times in the night which is located under the stairs. My niece was in our room at the top of the stairs past the closet which eventually leads into the master bedroom.

This woman had climbed the stairs later in the night when she asked to be excused for the bathroom went through my closet and into the master bedroom. My niece flew down and told my husband who marched upstairs and quietly asked her to leave. She claimed she was lost but, she had used the bottom bathroom all night!!
Should I have given her a tour or was she being completely unreasonable?

OP posts:
AlessandroVasectomi · 02/01/2018 23:10

Had you left the equipment out in the bedroom?

WorraLiberty · 02/01/2018 23:10

Dont understand why you refuse a tour if you asked them in. Very strange. Yanbu re her getting her own tour

What? Confused

I had a friend around for dinner for the first time last week. I can't imagine offering her a 'tour' of my house.

"Errrr...this is the toilet...this is the kitchen...that's the conservatory over there...and if you want to come upstairs you can see my private bedroom and if you're brave enough, hold your nose and I'll show you my 2 teenage son's rooms".

She came to eat a roast dinner, not to buy my house Confused

MrsFezziwig · 02/01/2018 23:10

And I’m not against tours per se, I love giving a tour of my house if anyone asks and I love having a tour round other people’s houses - I wouldn’t go snooping round if a tour wasn’t offered though.

PaxUniversalis · 02/01/2018 23:11

@londonrach
Dont understand why you refuse a tour if you asked them in. Very strange.

But why??? No one has any business snooping around bedrooms.

My parents hosted a lot of dinner parties when they were young but NONE of their guests would ever get to see the bedrooms. They'd see the dining room (obviously), the sitting room, the kitchen and the loo. That's it.

TheLegendOfBeans · 02/01/2018 23:13

In all seriousness is this a cultural thing?

I’m from Scotland and have been to many a new/refurbished house and a “wee tour” is the norm.

Scots of MN, is it just me? Or is this another North/South cultural loose connection?

FairyMcHairy · 02/01/2018 23:14

Mumsnet. Where posters are told constantly that 'no is a complete sentence', until someone uses no as a complete sentence and then they are rude.

YANBU.

Original poster
bubblesdrew · 02/01/2018 23:14

@YouTheCat @LassWiTheDelicateAir
I don't get why you'd invite some random neighbours who you don't know for a NYE dinner party in the first place

It's a way to make new friends!

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 02/01/2018 23:14

And actually, thinking back to when I was a teenager, I would have been fuming if my parents kept bringing people to stare at my bedroom.

It was always quite messy and I considered it my personal space.

PaxUniversalis · 02/01/2018 23:14

@LassWiTheDelicateAir
Yes I don't get the big deal here

The big deal is that bedrooms are private and no one's business.

I feel very strongly about this. I don't have the desire to see the rest of someone else's house when they invite me into their kitchen. I wouldn't be as rude to ask.

When I have people round who aren't staying over I just lock the bedroom doors. Problem solved.

LineysRumBaba · 02/01/2018 23:14

Where was she driving to?

Doobigetta · 02/01/2018 23:14

I don't blame you for not wanting to give her "the tour", it's a horrible cringey Hyacinth Bucket habit. I probably wouldn't have booted her out though. Not unless I caught her rolling around naked on the bed or something.

TheLegendOfBeans · 02/01/2018 23:15

@Doobigetta

or trying on the OPs pants

cakeflower · 02/01/2018 23:17

@mrsFezziwig I genuinely think if a guest you’ve welcomed into your home asks for a tour it would come across as rude to say no, without giving any reason.

Friends who visit my recently renovated house occasionally ask to look around and I’m happy to show them - I have nothing to hide from a friend. If a room is really messy I just whisk them through it fast and put any pants on the floor in the laundry basket as I walk around. I am not a very private person though - am pretty open and relaxed.

Not condoning the guest of course. She shouldn’t have asked twice let alone gone awol

Emily7708 · 02/01/2018 23:18

If I was invited to NYE dinner by a local random virtual stranger I’d probably assume that they wanted to show off their new house! She sounds weird though.

The house tour is definitely a thing - I was asked for several tours of our house over Christmas and NY as we just finished a full refurb earlier in the year. I don’t mind, I like showing off the hard work.

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 02/01/2018 23:18

TheLegendOfBeans

In all seriousness is this a cultural thing?

I’m from Scotland and have been to many a new/refurbished house and a “wee tour” is the norm

Yes. Especially if it is a one-off building rather than part of a housing estate which seems the case here. So far as Worra's point- teenage bedrooms would be ignored.

Toastedstrudel · 02/01/2018 23:19

Of course you were totally within your rights to say no and she should have respected that but how did that conversation go? “I’d really love to see what you’ve done with the place, any chance of a wee tour?” You: “NO.”

How awkward now you are new neighbours.

WombOfOnesOwn · 02/01/2018 23:20

Someone who insists to this degree on seeing your personal space, then goes and invades anyway when not welcome, is up to no good.

I'd count my pills if you have any prescription bottles lying about.

Original poster
bubblesdrew · 02/01/2018 23:21

@nevereverafter I have been trying to show you a photo but, I can't upload it!! :(

OP posts:
PaxUniversalis · 02/01/2018 23:22

@cakeflower
I genuinely think if a guest you’ve welcomed into your home asks for a tour it would come across as rude to say no, without giving any reason.

I don't get why anyone would ask for a tour in the first place. It's very ill-mannered.

I'm a very private person and I would dislike it intensely if anyone asked for a tour. I would say no without explanation. Or I'd say 'there is enough to look at downstairs, you don't need to see the bedrooms upstairs as they're PRIVATE.'

BritInUS1 · 02/01/2018 23:22

I don't understand why you didn't just show her around

Clitoria · 02/01/2018 23:23

Why do so many posters feel that people are entitled to a tour round someone’s house?! What the fuck is wrong with you all?! Asking anyone for a tour round their house is RUDE, asking THREE times and then parading around their private spaces after being refused is outrageous! You wouldn’t have been unreasonable in sticking your boot up her arse on her way out.

BMW6 · 02/01/2018 23:23

Unless you charge admission no fucker is entitled to a tour of your home if you do not want them to.
In fact, FFS even NT properties and Stately homes have areas of no admittance, so those saying YABU to have refused her nosey request would approve of people ignoring No Admittance signs???? Hmm

She was a rude bitch and would never be invited to my home again. Unbelievably bad behaviour.

TopOfTheCliff · 02/01/2018 23:23

I love giving tours of my house! It is a quirky old B and B full of my DHs collections and we force visitors to "do the tour" whether they like it or not Grin They always finish with a glazed look and say they feel better about their own DH /house/hoarding habit! If someone wandered off to have a nose they would probably get lost and not be seen again for three days though Confused
I think the OP was right though. Her house her rules!

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 02/01/2018 23:23

If I was invited to NYE dinner by a local random virtual stranger I’d probably assume that they wanted to show off their new house!

So would I. Although tbh I would think being invited to a New Year's Eve dinner by someone I barely know is a bit weird too.

I can see the point if it was a big Scottish Hogmanay party where wider invitations are often given but a sit down dinner on 31/12? No thanks.

TammySwansonTwo · 02/01/2018 23:24

I suspect she was looking for the cannabis farm and / or sex dungeon that meant you were so reluctant to show her around your house...

Clearly she's out of order. But it's a bit odd to confine guests to the downstairs of your house and reject them having a look around, I think.