Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I asked my guest to leave my home.

999 replies

bubblesdrew · 02/01/2018 22:44

We built a house a couple of fields away from some neighbours.

I met the husband at the local shop a couple of months after we got settled & after some chat asked if him and his wife would like to join us, friends & family for a New Years Eve dinner.

His wife and himself arrived that night and they were initially great. During conversation she asked for a tour of the house and I said no (not in a rude way). 20 minutes later she said again that she would like a tour of the house and again I said no. Then a THIRD time she asked and at that point my husband stepped in and said that there wouldn't be a tour.

She used the bathroom numerous times in the night which is located under the stairs. My niece was in our room at the top of the stairs past the closet which eventually leads into the master bedroom.

This woman had climbed the stairs later in the night when she asked to be excused for the bathroom went through my closet and into the master bedroom. My niece flew down and told my husband who marched upstairs and quietly asked her to leave. She claimed she was lost but, she had used the bottom bathroom all night!!
Should I have given her a tour or was she being completely unreasonable?

OP posts:
womblinglove · 05/01/2018 19:30

" paid a fortune to host"

Oh dear....

For strangers who you didn't know who you think might have nicked your stuff and who you didn't trust or like enough to show around your gaff?

You really can't buy class, can you?

TatianaLarina · 05/01/2018 19:32

Bashstreet As has been explained ad nauseam on here that a straight no with no qualification is rude. There is no polite way of doing that. And saying you need your mother for a tour doesn’t count as it’s too odd. One pp used the example of asking a florist if they had any roses (or something).

But y’know if you don’t get it now, you never will and I rly don’t care whether you do or not.

FaithHopeCharityDesperation · 05/01/2018 19:34

no doubt ruining the rest of my and my husbands night (that we paid a fortune to host)

😂😂😂

Did you get caterers in??!!

Original poster
bubblesdrew · 05/01/2018 20:21

@faithhopecharitydesperation We had a 'mini disco' for the kids and generally all the food and wine was expensive!

OP posts:
Original poster
bubblesdrew · 05/01/2018 20:22

@CharlieSierra the very last line... Should I have given a tour?

OP posts:
famousfour · 05/01/2018 20:46

Goodness this thread is quite something.

Regardless of your views on the social obligation to offer house tours to every guest, your guest was clearly unreasonable to take one uninvited, even if it does seem to me that you took the nuclear option in chucking them out - however gently.

My own view on touring - yes I would show a new or renovated house to family and friends and no doubt they would make the appropriate polite noises. I would never expect a tour from someone who I was just getting to know. Have never considered it part of ordinary hospitality - although clearly for some people it seems to be. Interesting.

ProperLavs · 05/01/2018 21:05

OP, it gets more and more classy by the minute.

peppapigwouldmakelovelyrashers · 05/01/2018 21:07

How are you meant to know if someone is prone to stealing or not by how they look? hmm I had never spoken to his wife. I spoke to the husband and invited him and her as his partner.

The point was that I wouldn't invite people I didn't know from adam to a NYE dinner party. And if for some reason I did, I would try and make them feel welcome and comfortable. you did neither, and then chucked them out.
It's all such odd behaviour. Why invite them in the first place?

Original poster
bubblesdrew · 05/01/2018 21:34

yeah yeah yeah who cares @properlavs

OP posts:
Willow2017 · 05/01/2018 22:08

Funny how standard advice on here is invite neighbours round to get to know them, you dont know what they are like till you get to know them yadda yadda yadda yet when op does it its suddenly weird.

The wonderful twilight zone of mn🤔

And she did find out what she was like ... she is a nosey parker with no respect for other peoples wishes in their own home. Then had the cheek to criticise ops drawer fronts she was never supposed to see in the first place.

Why is it so difficult to understand that what you would do in your house isnt necessarily what someone else would do nor do they have to. Nobody gets to tell a person "you must do this just because I do it or I think you should" get over yourselves!

BoomBoomsCousin · 05/01/2018 22:24

‘No you can’t, get out my house’ couldn’t be more narrow, really. And trying to defend it under the banner of open-ness is ridiculous.

Bizarre interpretation of the thread Tatiana. No one has said the OP threw the neighbour out politely. I have no idea how they threw her out since the OP hasn't mentioned it, though I have a hard time imagining how it could be done politely! The throwing out sounded appropriate in the circumstance, rather than polite.

I have only defended the idea that someone can politely refuse a request with the word "No." without other verbal qualifiers. That is all I have been advocating on here. You have repeatedly said it is not possible and some form of words is absolutely necessary. That's a very narrow interpretation of manners and language.

Original poster
bubblesdrew · 05/01/2018 22:26

@boomboomcousin I just said the night was over and thank you for coming etc

OP posts:
honeyroar · 05/01/2018 22:37

I live in the country, if someone built a new house across the fields I'd be intrigued,that's perhaps why she wanted a look? But she was very rude to go after you'd said no. I wonder if she thought she was coming to some sort of housewarming?

We've renovated our house (well some of it) and shown loads of people round it. Some asked, others didn't. Other friends have shown me round their houses when they've moved/finished a renovation. It's quite normal around here. Our house is a few hundred years old. We've even had previous owners from decades ago have a look round. We've learned things about the history that way.

Most of my friends would call round for a coffee without prior appointment too, which seems to be frowned upon on here!

BoomBoomsCousin · 05/01/2018 22:39

That sounds about as polite as you could be in the situation bubble. At least you know a bit about those neighbours now!

rothbury · 05/01/2018 22:40

I would not dream of nosing around someone's house - it's bloody rude, particularly as you had said no to her several times.

If you invite someone into your home it is completely reasonable to be able to control which rooms they do or don't go into.

YANBU

ProperLavs · 05/01/2018 22:45

I must say I've never in my life been to a party when I was told it was over and it was time to go home. Ah well the op has odd views on social etiquette to be sur.

TatianaLarina · 05/01/2018 22:58

Seriously boom are you still going on? I’d forgotten about you.

She has mentioned it and it was totally disproportionate. I would have just laughed, personally.

I have only defended the idea that someone can politely refuse a request with the word "No." without other verbal qualifiers. That is all I have been advocating on here.

I know and as I and many others have said, that’s not the case in this context.

You have repeatedly said it is not possible and some form of words is absolutely necessary. That's a very narrow interpretation of manners and language.

Yup. Nope it’s not ‘narrow’ or anything like it. And repeating it ad infinitum doesn’t make it true. On the other hand it is boring me to death.

TatianaLarina · 05/01/2018 23:02

G’wan shoo out my house ProperLavs

On the plus side at least I’ll know a bit about you now when you give me a wide berth!

BoomBoomsCousin · 05/01/2018 23:08

She has mentioned it and it was totally disproportionate. I would have just laughed, personally.

She did not mention it. You must be desperate since you're resorting to outright fabrication at this point.

TatianaLarina · 05/01/2018 23:10

She has, and the OP refered to this at 22.26

Read the thread... or don’t... I really don’t care...

BoomBoomsCousin · 05/01/2018 23:34

Those straws are getting thinner Tatiana. The OP's explanation came just after (and in response to) my claim (at 22:24) she hadn't mentioned it. Which was quite a bit after your ridiculous fictional characterization of it.

TatianaLarina · 05/01/2018 23:42

She’s referred to it before...

BoomBoomsCousin · 05/01/2018 23:45

She did not.

TatianaLarina · 05/01/2018 23:49

I paid for an argument and this is just a contradiction...

No it isn’t

Yes it is...

ItsNYlyme · 05/01/2018 23:54

Boomboom, leave it, she seems missed to me!