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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I asked my guest to leave my home.

999 replies

bubblesdrew · 02/01/2018 22:44

We built a house a couple of fields away from some neighbours.

I met the husband at the local shop a couple of months after we got settled & after some chat asked if him and his wife would like to join us, friends & family for a New Years Eve dinner.

His wife and himself arrived that night and they were initially great. During conversation she asked for a tour of the house and I said no (not in a rude way). 20 minutes later she said again that she would like a tour of the house and again I said no. Then a THIRD time she asked and at that point my husband stepped in and said that there wouldn't be a tour.

She used the bathroom numerous times in the night which is located under the stairs. My niece was in our room at the top of the stairs past the closet which eventually leads into the master bedroom.

This woman had climbed the stairs later in the night when she asked to be excused for the bathroom went through my closet and into the master bedroom. My niece flew down and told my husband who marched upstairs and quietly asked her to leave. She claimed she was lost but, she had used the bottom bathroom all night!!
Should I have given her a tour or was she being completely unreasonable?

OP posts:
TatianaLarina · 05/01/2018 09:16

Ftlog it was tongue in cheek. If you read on I have relations from the Midlands (who all had excellent manners).

Original poster
bubblesdrew · 05/01/2018 11:00

@tatianalarina Will you chill out? It's a bloody AIBU thread. Do you not have anything better to do that fight with everyone?

OP posts:
TatianaLarina · 05/01/2018 11:53

Says the woman who threw people out of her house.

I couldn’t really be more relaxed. Absurdly long pointless discussion is the raison d’être of AIBU...

Original poster
bubblesdrew · 05/01/2018 13:18

@tatianalarina If you don't agree with a decision you do not have to relentlessly write it over and over. We all seen it the first ten times you wrote in.

OP posts:
TatianaLarina · 05/01/2018 13:37

You seen it eh? That explains a lot.

I have actually bored even myself with the topic. Good luck.

BoomBoomsCousin · 05/01/2018 16:18

East coast manners are not a single thing - that was my point Tatiana. Diversity is everywhere. There is not a single set of manners that is universal. Social and cultural awareness requires looking at the intent not simply the form.

Your contempt for people who do not follow your own narrow codes has shown itself a few times in this thread though, so it's hardly surprising your awareness of the richness of human social interaction is lacking.

peppapigwouldmakelovelyrashers · 05/01/2018 16:23

There is not a single set of manners that is universal. Social and cultural awareness requires looking at the intent not simply the form

True, but a dick is a dick everywhere. And OP is firmly in the wrong.

derxa · 05/01/2018 16:46

We all seen it the first ten times you wrote in. It's 'we all saw'.

ConciseandNice · 05/01/2018 16:51

It’s rude to not give a reason for no tour. Just saying no lacks etiquette certainly. One should always say, ‘sorry, no, I can’t manage it at the moment’/ hahaha no, sorry but you can’t see my frightful mess!’ Blah blah blah. Nevertheless she was incredibly rude to do that. Absolutely you were in the right to ask her to leave. I’d brush up on your manners though vis à vis treating your guests in the first place.

BashStreetKid · 05/01/2018 16:51

Tatiana, I'm not sure that you understand what "tolerance" means. Not wanting visitors traipsing around your own and your children's bedrooms does not by any stretch of the imagination fit the definition of intolerance.

BashStreetKid · 05/01/2018 16:53

It’s clear OP that neither you or your neighbour have any class at all

That comment from Tatiana, on the other hand, does fit the definition of "intolerance" rather well.

TatianaLarina · 05/01/2018 16:55

Are you really still going? Surely this thread has died a death.

Yes my point was that everyone on the East coast has exactly the same manners despite the rich US melting pot of culture and immigration...

It’s precisely social and cultural awareness that is lacking in the posts of those who defend the insular social awkwardness and rudeness of the OP. Some posters have had repeatedly to explain social customs to those who clearly no more experience of them than they appear to understand them.

You’re trying and failing to falsely paint my POV as narrow purely because you don’t like what I say.

We’re having this discussion because the OP couldn’t cope with a fairly standard social request, then couldn’t cope with cheekiness with any aplomb, and then disgraced herself by ejecting her guests.

That is the very embodiment of narrowness and contempt.

ConciseandNice · 05/01/2018 16:57

TatianaLarina I’m totally with you on this.

Tistheseason17 · 05/01/2018 17:13

There are more posters supporting OP having choice to do what she wants in her own home than not. More posters agreeing the guest should not have wandered off in the OP's home without permission (niece upstairs in bedroom). The same couple of posters repeating themselves and disagreeing with OP does not count as lots of support!
Yeah, some people may have preferred a few extra words after the, "No" but we weren't there so speculation about tone of voice is pointless.

This thread needs to just go..... No wonder OP has not come back.....

BoomBoomsCousin · 05/01/2018 18:01

You’re trying and failing to falsely paint my POV as narrow purely because you don’t like what I say.

No. I'm painting your point of view as narrow because you have continued to insist there are only a very few ways of politely refusing, and because, amoung other things, you have disparaged the manners of an area of the country and been sarcastic about the OP's use of English.

TatianaLarina · 05/01/2018 18:03

That comment from Tatiana, on the other hand, does fit the definition of "intolerance" rather well.

That was a direct response to the OP claiming she had “class” for throwing someone out of house. What could be more intolerant than that.

To say that someone has no class in that context is not intolerant - other than intolerance of intolerance.

TatianaLarina · 05/01/2018 18:17

No. I'm painting your point of view as narrow because you have continued to insist there are only a very few ways of politely refusing, and because, amoung other things, you have disparaged the manners of an area of the country

Nope. There are many ways of politely refusing, just as there are many ways to cook a pheasant. It’s narrow not to be able to cope with people in your house, not to be able to refuse politely, or to see that refusing politely is desirable. ‘No you can’t, get out my house’ couldn’t be more narrow, really. And trying to defend it under the banner of open-ness is ridiculous.

I haven’t disparaged anything, you need to get a soh. Your posts are fairly humourless.

Original poster
bubblesdrew · 05/01/2018 18:27

@peppapigwouldmakelovelyrashers so if somebody walked around your house... after being told no THREE TIMES. When at the time you still don't know how many other rooms she went into or if she's stolen something. Then she lied to me telling me she got lost. How would you have reacted? What else could I have possibly done?

I let her stay no doubt ruining the rest of my and my husbands night (that we paid a fortune to host) or I tell her the evening is finished (nicely)....

OP posts:
BashStreetKid · 05/01/2018 18:41

We’re having this discussion because the OP couldn’t cope with a fairly standard social request

Again, I'm wondering about your intepretation of language, Tatiana. Saying "No" to someone politely when you've already explained your reasoning cannot by any stretch of the imagination be interpreted as being unable to cope with the request.

peppapigwouldmakelovelyrashers · 05/01/2018 18:52

I wouldn't invite people to my home who I would suspect of stealing from me in the first place. And I would have shown them around, so it never would have happened. Your boundaries are so odd, OP. and your manners so poor.

Willow2017 · 05/01/2018 18:59

Having said "No" 3 times is pretty basic and easy to undersrand. Its not rocket science to respect your hosts wishes in her own home.

If anyone was rude and doesnt understand social manners its the woman who took it upon herself to go nosing around upstairs on her own, giving a child a fright then lying to op.

Manners is not a one way street. There is no law that says you have to let strangers poke around your private rooms.

When some people find l this fine and happily do it thats their choice. Others can chose not to, its thier choice. Nobody else has the right to tell them they are wrong just because they have different views on it. Some of the 'manners police' on here seem to be the people who are being the most illmannered and nasty posters. Bit ironic really.

Original poster
bubblesdrew · 05/01/2018 19:02

@peppapigwouldmakelovelyrashers How are you meant to know if someone is prone to stealing or not by how they look? Hmm I had never spoken to his wife. I spoke to the husband and invited him and her as his partner.

Where on this thread did I mention boundaries? Not once have I commented on what I think about touring.

My manners were appropriate to someone who toured my home without asking. In fact, I was actually too nice.

OP posts:
TealStar · 05/01/2018 19:03

I think everyone involved here had poor manners.

CharlieSierra · 05/01/2018 19:29

My manners were appropriate to someone who toured my home without asking. In fact, I was actually too nice

So what's the AIBU?

TatianaLarina · 05/01/2018 19:29

Arguing for pages is like Christmas, after a while everyone gets tetchy and needs a drink.