I asked my guest to leave my home.

[bubblesdrew]

We built a house a couple of fields away from some neighbours.

I met the husband at the local shop a couple of months after we got settled & after some chat asked if him and his wife would like to join us, friends & family for a New Years Eve dinner.

His wife and himself arrived that night and they were initially great. During conversation she asked for a tour of the house and I said no (not in a rude way). 20 minutes later she said again that she would like a tour of the house and again I said no. Then a THIRD time she asked and at that point my husband stepped in and said that there wouldn't be a tour.

She used the bathroom numerous times in the night which is located under the stairs. My niece was in our room at the top of the stairs past the closet which eventually leads into the master bedroom.

This woman had climbed the stairs later in the night when she asked to be excused for the bathroom went through my closet and into the master bedroom. My niece flew down and told my husband who marched upstairs and quietly asked her to leave. She claimed she was lost but, she had used the bottom bathroom all night!!
Should I have given her a tour or was she being completely unreasonable?

If you're going to discount whatever forms of manners don't agree with our own you disprove your claim of universality by definition.

By most people you mean the people you know boom

The Americans I know have excellent manners, many are East coast WASP types - so similar to the British.

The US is an interesting combination of very good manners and very bad, almost Wild West manners - Henry James & Edith Wharton described in their books to great comedic effect.

Not that many people on the East Coast are actually "WASP" types Tatiana. I think you may be in a bit of a class bubble.

I was careful to say that there are places here, rather than to claim universality. As with Britain, there is a lot more diversity than is generally presented.

This thread isn't a random sample. Quite a few people wouldn't find it rude, fine, but that doesn't exclude the possibility that a vast number would! In my daily interactions, in shops, restaurants, friends, strangers on the street, pretty much each and every 'no' is hedged with a qualifier, or if it's not, it's because you've pissed them off. It's no more hyacinth bouquet than not picking your nose in the street.

East coast slash WASP - the latter is a very specific demographic.

Generally the East coast has a more European outlook than say the Midwest.

Agreed frog. And I’m not sure how many of the posters who claim to think it ok really would behave like that if it came to it.

Late to the thread, but as an Irish person I'm surprised you were even asked. Didn't your neighbours think you had "NOTIONS" for building a big new house OP?

I was just at a play date today with my son (5 yrs old) and the host mom said ok ladies, grab your wine and I'll give you the tour. Proceeded to show us every room in her beautiful new house. It was so much fun and not awkward at all. I would totally give the other moms a tour when it's my turn to host :)

Yes, East Coast more European (not necessarily British, though). Midwest less so. South has generally has a very different sensibility and West Coast generally more relaxed. I've lived here in a few places and know a lot of different people. Some of them would find a refusal rude however it was said (they'd be somewhat outraged a tour wasn't the first thing that was offered), others would expect a refusal to be couched somehow with a suggestion of another time and some would be quite happy so long as the tone wasn't brusque. Diversity - it's all over the place. A bit of tolerance for differing approaches makes it much easier to get along with people.

OP didn't laugh AT the guest, she just laughed whilst taking dinner out of the oven and said no.

So what was she laughing at? The roast beef? Who does that? Apart from a Baby Jane type? Please tell me op, what exactly where you laughing at?

Maybe she just laughed at the very idea of anyone having a tour of her house. She was caught off guard and just laughed. Its not a crime. She didnt stand and point and go "ha ha" ffs.

Op doesnt have to give a word by word explaination just because some people want to beat her with thier personal 'etiquette' stick ffs.

mrsharrison
Your post is very sneery and 'holier than thou' why? For someone so keen to berate op up over her manners you seem to have mislaid yours.

She laughed and the guest laughed because she and the guest both knew the guest was being a little cheeky. Lots of posters are imaging the OP being frosty and cold but if you go from what the OP has said it sounded good humoured.

If you think the OP is lying then why on earth would you bother dissecting her thread. It's very strange behaviour. She said her 'no' wasn't rude right from the beginning of the thread. Why would anyone chose to disbelieve that but, presumably, believe everything else the OP has written.

People are tying themselves in knots to be outraged at how rude the OP was but seem to be ignoring the fact the guest asked her three times! If the OP had come across rudely why would anyone ask the same question repeatedly. It doesn't make sense.

If far more likely that it was a jokey exchange that got a little more serious each time the guest asked.

mrsh
Pot and kettle!

Just cos se people do not want somebody they they invited into thier home in thier private rooms they are a loon and not following your rules on manners?

Ok you best call Debretts and update them then.

OP. Totally agree with you. Your home, your choice.
Personally, I'm happy for anyone to have a tour of any family rooms....sitting room, kitchen etc.....but not any personal rooms.....bedrooms, en-suites, home office. etc.
I've said no to the upstairs tour on a few occasions. And been questioned 'why'. Hmmmm, cos it's private.

Has a tour become a 'thing' now?! What is this, Come Dine With Me?

OP's update actually points out that 'no' (the first time) was not all she said. She pointed out her mother (who designed the interior) would need to be there. For me that's the refusal with the (unnecessary imo) explanation that Tatiana et al was looking for.
Hope that helps.
Making people do a tour of your house/extension is annoying. I personally hate it. Especially when proud houseowner is showing other household member's private room. Been there and it feels like an intrusion.

To ask is annoying and I wish I had the OP's balls. Can you imagine someone asking you to see the contents of your bag and you having to give an excuse? Or a stranger asking you for sex and you feeling obliged to do so (not that you should feel obliged even if you know them). I actually remember being asked for afternoon sex by a man outside Debenhams and my excuse was 'I'm married'. why the hell did I need an excuse? (which he didn't think was a problem by the way - very bizarre).

My house is just that, mine. I'm from London, some like tours, some don't. I don't.

mrsharrison, it's ironic that you slag others off in relation to their manners whilst using pretty offensive disablist language yourself.

YANBU - she sounds unhinged. Why on earth was she trying to snoop round your house anyway? How to make friends and influence people!

East Coast more European (not necessarily British, though)

I said east coast manners are similar to British - partly because many have British or European heritage and old school European manners are fairly similar, but it’s also partly a cultural/intellectual thing.

The south is interesting with its combination of old money and a old families and a history of poverty, deprivation and slavery.

A bit of tolerance for differing approaches makes it much easier to get along with people

Defending bad manners isn’t tolerance it’s just a kind of ignorance.

Good manners, politeness and social awareness is what makes getting along with people easier. That’s the whole point of them. Social gaucherie is always awkward.

But it’s interesting that you’re now advocating tolerance as that’s precisely what the OP was lacking. She made the evening difficult for herself and her guests by lack of tolerance and lack of social awareness.

Erm the OP saying her mother needed to be there just makes everything weirder and more gauche.

Oh God, this thread.

She was caught having a bit of a wander round. Not stuffing the family silver down her bra or kicking the dog.

Utterly cringeworthy to have kicked her out.

Oh the Midlands that bastion of culture & good breeding. Doesn’t surprise me

For someone who has spent a fair bit of time on this thread admonishing others for their lack of manners that is a pretty snobby and snide thing to say Tatiana.