I asked my guest to leave my home.

[bubblesdrew]

We built a house a couple of fields away from some neighbours.

I met the husband at the local shop a couple of months after we got settled & after some chat asked if him and his wife would like to join us, friends & family for a New Years Eve dinner.

His wife and himself arrived that night and they were initially great. During conversation she asked for a tour of the house and I said no (not in a rude way). 20 minutes later she said again that she would like a tour of the house and again I said no. Then a THIRD time she asked and at that point my husband stepped in and said that there wouldn't be a tour.

She used the bathroom numerous times in the night which is located under the stairs. My niece was in our room at the top of the stairs past the closet which eventually leads into the master bedroom.

This woman had climbed the stairs later in the night when she asked to be excused for the bathroom went through my closet and into the master bedroom. My niece flew down and told my husband who marched upstairs and quietly asked her to leave. She claimed she was lost but, she had used the bottom bathroom all night!!
Should I have given her a tour or was she being completely unreasonable?

*@Hissy
*
It's "another think coming."

You're welcome.

In much of Scotland and N England New Year's Eve/ Hogmanay is a perfect time for inviting neighbours you don't know round your house, so i disagree with those saying it's a close family time. It's often party time

Yes if it was a "party" everyone mingles type party- not a sit down family dinner party where everyone else knows each other which is what OP was having.

I think on the whole in the UK it is somewhat expected for women to add on some kind of softening to a refusal to do whatever is asked of them. An "I'm sorry, but" or "I'm afraid not". It helps give people an in to argue with them and cajole them into doing whatever and makes them think that this woman in front of them is not actually refusing to do something because she is putting her wishes ahead of others, she's just unable to at the moment, but as soon as she can she'll get right back to being at everyone's beck and call. I think it's a terrible bit of our culture and I'm glad to see it dying out.

I agree Boom. If a woman says "No" it isn't being unfeminine, abrupt, unfriendly or anything else. It's just a straightforward reply.

I'd rather hear a plain "No" than a gushing, ridiculously dressed-up euphemistic version of it, such as "I'm terribly sorry but it just isn't convenient for us to show you the upstairs on this occasion, so I'm politely going to have to decline your generosity in taking an interest in our new bath mat and lilac lampshades, although it's so delightful that you asked and we can't apologise sufficiently for the lack of a tour..."

It still means "No" so just say it 😀

Bollocks. It would be rude and gauche from a man. Nothing to do with being female.

I think on the whole in the UK it is somewhat expected for women to add on some kind of softening to a refusal to do whatever is asked of them

Not women, people. All people. It's called manners, some people here should try some.

I actually not surprised that OP invited neighbors for dinner, she wanted to know them better and probably become friends, by saying "No" to house tour she just pointed at boundaries at their relationship. She didn't want to invite her neighbors for coffee and tour later.

The neighours, having seen all the building work, probably assumed to main reason they were invited was to show off the new house. OP says they aren't friends, so what other reason would there be? Either to show the house, or make friends with them. Then they refused to do either.

The entire village is probably going WTF at OP by now.

Are you people still arguing about this?

People react differently to men saying "No." Even the OP's situation has the neighbour asking her 3 times but only stopping when the OP's DH steps in and refuses. People (including women) just tend not to accept what women say as much as they do men, they're always looking for ways around women''s boundaries and this idea that women can't just say no is one more way of stopping them from easily enforcing their boundaries. I'm glad at least some people are seeing this excuse of "manners" for what it is - a way to try and coerce women into facilitating everybody else's desires.

You might, doesn't mean the rest of us do.

only stopping when the OP's DH steps in and refuses

I think you mean when the OP’s DH stepped in and chucked her out of the house.

If you failed to understand that this from the OP:
Then a THIRD time she asked and at that point my husband stepped in and said that there wouldn't be a tour
means the OP's DH said "No" to the neighbour, then perhaps it's just your English comprehension that makes you perceive a simple "No" as being imbued with rudeness.

I'm honestly astounded that people have got to adulthood in the UK without grasping the utterly fundamental rule that an unqualified no is rude. I mean really, genuinely baffled. To me it's a bit like finding out that somebody thinks that saying please is unnecessary when requesting something.

What would have thought wasn't rude? Yes, yes, just do troup round my house poking your nose in, stranger?

Unqualified Nos are just rude. Here's a different context:

I work in a flower shop. If someone comes up to me and says " Hello, do you have any pink roses?" is it perfectly ok to just say "No." ?

Or would it make me sound like a rude stonewalling twat who didn't want to engage with you any further?

I mean, I'm in a service industry, sure, but people who don't mind their negatives unvarnished should be happy with that, right?

Or should I say "No we don't, sorry. A bloke bought the whole lot ten minutes ago?"

People regularly say " Can you tell me where the nearest toilets are?"
Again, is "No" acceptable? Or is "No, sorry, I don't know the area well" more harmonious?

I agree completely with the assessment that lots of people on MN have shaky ideas about human interaction.

Just remembered. This has happened to me twice. First in my last house, Daughter’s playdate’s mumarrives to pick her little darling (she’s the wife of a local Gp and tends to give herself airs and graces) and whilst I am in the garden getting the kids in, she takes it upon herself to tour my house! I came back in to find her coming down the stairs saying ‘they are quite sweet little houses aren’t they’. I was so gobsmacked I didnt say anything.

Next one was in my next house - a friend when a had a small took it upon herself to show a couple of others who I hardly k ew around the upstairs of my house!

It’s sooooo rude!

BoomBoom You failed to grasp that the woman didn’t take any notice of the husband either. She ‘only stopped’ wanting to have a tour when she was thrown out.

I certainly wouldn't certainly be happier with "No." to some story about a previous customer. But, if you worked at the shop, I would be expecting something more along the lines of "No, but we have some lovely orange ones and the pink carnations are perfect at the moment." because offering alternatives would be what I would expect from someone there ostensibly to seel things.

If I asked where the toilets were and you didn't know then "No." would indeed be perfectly acceptable, though a commiserating look or a "sorry." would not be unwelcome. I wouldn't find a straight "No." rude though.

I conversation with friends a straight "No." in answer to a question and letting the conversation halt would be unwelcoming and possibly rude. But in most contexts, a straight "No." and moving the conversation forward on a pleasant footing would be just fine. It isn't an apology or explanation for the refusal that's needed, it's a willingness to show you like having the other person around and engaging with them.

I can’t really get my head round the obtuseness of LadyOfTheCanyon’s post.

I have to agree with frogsoup

How have people got though life not knowing this stuff? It’s just basic.

'How have people got though life not knowing this stuff? It’s just basic.'

Dunno, the same way the neighbour got through life not understanding the meaning of the word 'no'.

^^Sorry - that’s meant to say “the obtuseness that makes LadyOfTheCanyon’s post necessary”

How have people got though life not knowing this stuff? It’s just basic.

Well, to be fair, I’m as standoffish and anally retentive as they come, but my visitors generally still get the wee tour.

Tatiana I doubt she stopped wanting to have a tour after she was thrown out. The point is she accepted that the DH refusing meant they weren't going to show her around no matter how often she asked. Whereas when it was "just" the OP refusing the neighbour just kept going.

Tatiana I think you meant boomboomscousin not ladyofthecanyon, who was agreeing with you?