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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to feel hurt by this?

232 replies

Whiterabbitears · 02/01/2018 18:57

My DH and our two DDs are Muslim. I'm not I'm white British but DH and I have always bought our girls up to accept and respect both our cultures so they can fit in with both. We live in a mainly white area with very few ethnic minority people so my girls have white friends. I have just seen on the dreaded Facebook a post from a friend of mine who's DD is also a friend of my DD asking why Muslims are allowed in this country, along the lines of "they hate dogs, pork and Jesus so they should get out" type of thing. Lots of people have liked and agreed with this that I know.

My friend and I have always been open about my family's faith and she has always claimed to be open minded about it and shown interest. I now feel that she's not being honest and probably judges us. I haven't commented on her post but I'm not sure how to proceed because right now I feel hurt, does she think my family should "get out too"?

OP posts:
wictional · 02/01/2018 23:17

OP I’m sorry that you’ve had to discover this. People really can be awful!

I wouldn’t be able to help myself and would probably comment on the post Blush something along the lines of “I didn’t realise that you saw my family in this light” or even just “oh, ok then. Shall I tell my DDs what you think of them, or shall I leave it to you?” But, as PP have said, she probably ‘won’t have meant you...’ Hmm

MissEliza · 02/01/2018 23:19

WhiteRabbit IMO confront whenever you can. Im a TA and if I see or hear any racism at school I won't let it rest. Unfortunately one of the mums who was racist to ds1 ended up as an LSA at his school in year 9. She was so absolutely unfit for the job I wanted to go and complain but he told me to let it go as it was settled for him. It still pisses me off that she looks like a 'respectable' person when I know what she really thinks.
Im sorry for your dcs. It's hard in this world. We actually lived in dh's home country til ds1 was 7 and he was discriminated against for being white and British (he's blue eyed and blonde). It's a no win situation.

Cantuccit · 02/01/2018 23:30

@Mumof56

Several people upthread have explained why Islamophobia is racist but you haven't engaged with that. Funny that. Maybe this will make sense to you:

Treating Muslims poorly because they are Muslim is racism. It is that simple. If someone gives a Muslim women wearing the hijab a dirty look, sorry, but you are racist. If someone assaults a Muslim woman wearing the hijab — you are a racist.

Attacks on Muslims have the same motivations as racism and the same impacts of racism. So you can define racism as only being about a certain category or in terms of its mobilisers and its impacts. If you look at its mobilisers then you would consider hate speech against Muslims, racism.

Mumof56 · 02/01/2018 23:32

@Mumof56

Several people upthread have explained why Islamophobia is racist but you haven't engaged with that. Funny that. Maybe this will make sense to you

Right so you can't actually tell me what race they are.

headhurtstoomuch · 02/01/2018 23:35

Ahmadiya is a sect of Islam. There are 72 in fact with the major ones being Sunni or Shia.

Rightly or wrongly Ahmadiya’s are not considered ‘real muslims’ as they believe the messiah is already here (from recollection) whilst the rest believe Jesus will return.

Re dogs. Don’t keep them because of praying. Saliva etc

PushingThru · 02/01/2018 23:35

Sub-educated Brexit Britain cunts - I wish they'd all fuck off somewhere else.

Cantuccit · 02/01/2018 23:35

@Mumof56

Your brain clearly cannot appreciate nuance. Is everything black and white in your world?

Or maybe everyone is just white in your world?

user7680 · 02/01/2018 23:38

I’d let her go

Mumof56 · 02/01/2018 23:42

@Cantuccit

Sure. And prodestants are a race too. Catholics too, there a different race.

IrkThePurist · 02/01/2018 23:43

'Racism' is a cover all term commonly used for 'xenophobia' or 'bigotry'. Its not meant to be literal.
People who take it literally and start arguing that 'Islamophobia or anti Semitism isnt racism because XYZ isnt a race' tend to look bigoted.

Especially in this context, when someone has made a racist comment.

Original poster
Whiterabbitears · 02/01/2018 23:45

misseliza

Yes DDs have experienced it from both sides too. Your DS sounds very sensible.

OP posts:
Cantuccit · 02/01/2018 23:48

Mumof56

I think you need help, Mum.

Mumof56 · 02/01/2018 23:54

@Cantuccit

I think you need help, Mum
Maybe religion will help me but I just can't decide what race I'd like to be Hmm

Cantuccit · 03/01/2018 00:00

Try the human race, Mum. You could do with some humanity.

Notthemessiah · 03/01/2018 00:09

Well done on looking up racism in the dictionary Mumof56. Here are some new words for you to check the meaning of:

Pedant
Nuance
Goady
Fucker

Have fun!

Mumof56 · 03/01/2018 00:13

My dictionary returns Notthemessiah.

Am I right?

yippyyappy · 03/01/2018 00:31

Please ignore @Mumof56 she's a goady fuck. Wouldn't be surprised if she got banned soon.

Sparklesocks · 03/01/2018 00:41

OP, I’m so sorry you had to read that post - and that you came here for support and a small pocket of Britain first type bigots tried to derail the conversation to fit their own sad little intolerance narrative. They’re miserable, unintelligent people.

Hope you feel better now most of the supportive commentators have helped organise your thoughts!

BashStreetKid · 03/01/2018 00:44

I think you need to change your name to Justanothergoadyfucker, Justanotherlurker. Not really sure what your (and Mumof56's) problem is.

Oh, I don't think it's difficult to work out what their problem is.

ladymariner · 03/01/2018 00:55

mum try a race you can actually spell.....
Protestants
They're

Crap spelling, and a goady fucker....hth

Original poster
Whiterabbitears · 03/01/2018 00:56

Yes Sparkle Smile thanks again to those who have been supportive here, its been much appreciated.

OP posts:
RideOn · 03/01/2018 01:59

I agree with frumpty and if you an I’d say something, even wednesdays softly worded suggestion, which surely will make people think when reading her awful memes, then IRL keep her at arms length.

user1497863568 · 03/01/2018 03:51

They're so horrible aren't they? We copped the same crap for being Irish, like it was something we could help.

BalloonSlayer · 03/01/2018 10:43

It's a really difficult one.

I guess you could report it, then post: "I can't believe the first hate post I have ever had to report has come from you of all people Sad " then defriend. But that's easy for me to say sitting behind a keyboard.

Fekko · 03/01/2018 10:51

My family (Muslim in the ME) told me that dogs aren't welcome as a practical health thing (ie rabies and the like) and avoiding pork/shellfish was very sensible pre refrigerator days - so more practical than spiritual. Isn't bacon and cured ham now thought of as being as bad as smoking (for bowel and breast cancer)?