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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to feel hurt by this?

232 replies

Whiterabbitears · 02/01/2018 18:57

My DH and our two DDs are Muslim. I'm not I'm white British but DH and I have always bought our girls up to accept and respect both our cultures so they can fit in with both. We live in a mainly white area with very few ethnic minority people so my girls have white friends. I have just seen on the dreaded Facebook a post from a friend of mine who's DD is also a friend of my DD asking why Muslims are allowed in this country, along the lines of "they hate dogs, pork and Jesus so they should get out" type of thing. Lots of people have liked and agreed with this that I know.

My friend and I have always been open about my family's faith and she has always claimed to be open minded about it and shown interest. I now feel that she's not being honest and probably judges us. I haven't commented on her post but I'm not sure how to proceed because right now I feel hurt, does she think my family should "get out too"?

OP posts:
nousername123 · 02/01/2018 20:00

Put a comment saying "I'm sorry you feel this way about Muslims, as you know my family are Muslims and I feel you are being ignorant about this religion. I'm deeply hurt by your comment, especially as I thought we were friends. I guess I was wrong"
People are unbelieveabley ignorant OP. It's not a lot of people that agree, it is a few and It makes my blood boil. She's prejudice against Muslims x

Desmondo2016 · 02/01/2018 20:02

Stupid question but she definitely hasn't shared the post with a comment about how vile and racist it is? I've been caught out like that before... #graspingatstraws

Original poster
Whiterabbitears · 02/01/2018 20:04

Desmond

Sadly no, it does appear a meme as opposed to an an article or something. I believe its from Britain First.

OP posts:
PositivelyPERF · 02/01/2018 20:13

I'm so sorry you've had to find out what a nasty bigoted, racist, (whatever the fuck you feel like calling her as you're the one dealing with this) fucker she is, OP. Because of the nature of my work, I'm on Facebook a lot, dealing with clients, and unfortunately it does seem to bring out the ugly in some people who I honestly thought were lovely. It's as if they think their bigotry is protected by a screen.

I think the poster that suggested putting a post on about how sad it makes you feel, is spot on.

whomovedmychocolate · 02/01/2018 20:15

Last year I challenged every single one of those posts I saw on Facebook and then blocked the people. Without exception they apologised and said 'well not ALL muslims obviously'.

And then got upset when I responded 'well not all people are idiots, but clearly you are'.

I'm very sorry you are having to put up with this shit OP. If you can bear to challenge it - do so. It's only when we say nothing that this becomes acceptable. I'd report the post as well to Facebook - they won't do anything but if people are repeatedly reported for making hate speech it does indicate to Facebook that there is a problem with it on their network that they need to address.

Original poster
Whiterabbitears · 02/01/2018 20:17

Yes I've noticed this too you come to realise some peoples real views when on facebook, it can be depressing if you think they are someone else in real life.

OP posts:
hungryhippo90 · 02/01/2018 20:17

I'd report the post as well to Facebook - they won't do anything but if people are repeatedly reported for making hate speech it does indicate to Facebook that there is a problem with it on their network that they need to address.

They will ban people from Facebook for a limited amount of time when reported for racism.

Original poster
Whiterabbitears · 02/01/2018 20:19

I hadn't thought of reporting it, I didn't realise you could do that?

OP posts:
Nightshirt · 02/01/2018 20:19

I am very sorry OP someone you thought as a friend posted such a vile meme. It's up to you but if it was me I would say something under the post pointing out your husband and children are Muslim and you are very sorry and sad she wishes them to get out. She needs to be called out and all those who clicked like on the awful post.

BashStreetKid · 02/01/2018 20:19

Islam is a religion, not a race. There are Muslims from many races

Not that old excuse. The plain fact is that the vast majority of those who proclaim that Muslims should "get out" do so because they are racist, not because they are specifically anti the Islamic religion. Witness the use of terms like "get out" - where are they supposed to get out to if these idiots don't believe that they're not inherently British?

And, frankly, a bigot is a bigot is a bigot whether they're bigoted about race, skin colour, religion or any other personal characteristic.

NotACleverName · 02/01/2018 20:19

I'm not really sure why you're feeling the need to nitpick so much, Mumof56 Hmm

OP, your 'friend' is a twat. Unfriend and block.

frumpety · 02/01/2018 20:20

Were those the only three things she mentioned ? Jesus , dogs and pork ? That's got to be at least half of Mumsnet who fit the same criteria , what with all the dog haters , vegetarians/vegans and atheists Hmm

BashStreetKid · 02/01/2018 20:20

OP, I suggest you ask your friend precisely where she thinks your children should go to when they "get out".

Justanotherlurker · 02/01/2018 20:25

and I know a fair few devoted Muslim dog owners btw

Oh really, ahmadiyya I presume or do you not know, because anecdotal evidence means nothing, especially with the assertion of "devoted"

nocoolnamesleft · 02/01/2018 20:25

They aren't just Islamophobic, and bigoted, they're also a fucking idiot. Muslims don't hate Jesus. Muslims (in general) respect Jesus as a prophet. There have been a number of instances of Muslim groups being the ones to protest perceived blasphemy against Jesus, where most Christian groups didn't.

And if a group of people don't eat pork, more bacon for me! Yay!

Mumof56 · 02/01/2018 20:28

I don't think any of those on the list are experiencing Islamophobia (thanks category) in the same way

Hmm

I'm not seeing the same level of intolerance for Catholics or Protestants in the mainstream right now

Assyrians, Coptic Christians to name but two (but maybe they don't matter to you because they are not British?) secetarian voilence is wide spread around the world

ghostyslovesheets · 02/01/2018 20:28

blimey - just you know normal people I am friends with who a) have a dog and b) identify as Muslim - like lots of my non Muslim dog owning friends :)

Pengggwn · 02/01/2018 20:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

StealthPolarBear · 02/01/2018 20:29

Agree with a post along the lines of "sorry you feel that way" and then don't be drawn in further

IrkThePurist · 02/01/2018 20:29

Whiterabbitears Before you report and block her, make a note of everyone who liked the post, and block them as well.
The average person would consider her post racist. Getting picky over the meaning of 'race' isnt necessary to understand racism.

kaytee87 · 02/01/2018 20:31

OP, I suggest you ask your friend precisely where she thinks your children should go to when they "get out".

I know, I think these morons believe there's a vague place in the Middle East that is basically 'Muslim land'. If it wasn't so sad it'd be funny.

Justanotherlurker · 02/01/2018 20:32

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
Whiterabbitears · 02/01/2018 20:36

mumof56

I'm beginning to wonder if you are my 'friend'?

BTW I am aware of sectarian violence around the world, and throughout history. All of it equally shit and unjust.

Maybe they don't matter to you because they're not British
Do you have the gall to suggest Im racist or prejudiced? I've heard it all now!

OP posts:
Original poster
Whiterabbitears · 02/01/2018 20:37

justanotherlurker

Umm where are the holes in my story? Good grief!

OP posts:
JaniceBattersby · 02/01/2018 20:38

Please don’t feel like your friends don’t care Flowers

I have I friended people before because they’ve shared stuff like this. I haven’t then contacted our mutual Muslim friends because I don’t want to alert them to it or upset them but I am on their side.

The bigots won’t win, OP.