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AIBU?

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Original poster

DP laughed at his DD falling off horse

208 replies

StubbyNosedCreatures · 02/01/2018 13:09

I've been really put off DP.

Took his DD (12) and my DS (9) horse riding. Neither had done it before and were in a class of around 6. So the class starts and the horses plod around the school like they do then his DDs horse starts trotting and starts getting rather fast. She wasn't supposed to be trotting at this point, the horse had just decided to spice things up a bit. The instructor shouted instructions at her about slowing down the horse but she didn't have a clue what to do. The trot got faster and faster until instructor starts shouting to pull back on the reigns otherwise the horse would break into a canter. DSD looks visibly terrified. DP is creased up laughing. Nobody else is laughing. All of the other horses had stopped still at this point and all attention was on DSD and this crazy horse. Then inevitably the horse breaks into a canter and starts flying around the school in circles getting faster and faster. Instructor gives up trying to get her to control it sndbjust shouts "hold on to the saddle! Don't panic!". Then DSD plummets to the ground. The horse continues to fly around on its own. DSD remains on the floor. Nobody knows if she's injured or not as nobody can get near her because the horse is still flying past every few seconds. I turn to DP expecting to have to reassure him and he's laughing so much he has tears rolling down his face. He saw my face and then choked through laughing "oh god is she ok?? Oh god hahaha".

Long story short, horse eventually gets bored of the carry on and brings itself into the centre of the room to signify that the class was over. DSD gets up. She's fine. DP laughs at her and said "why didn't you just get up??" So she screamed back at him "because there was a horse running past me every few seconds and I thought it was going to trample me!! Are you stupid?". He then tells her off for being cheeky.

It's really put me off him. He's. fuckwit isnt he?

OP posts:
MumW · 02/01/2018 14:35

Poor girl. It's the sort of thing you might just laugh at a lot later when looking back knowing that there are no injuries and she has got over the shock but at the actual time, NO. Shock

I don't think I could put my children into the care of such an insensitive and irresponsible idiot adult.

DullAndOld · 02/01/2018 14:36

Maybe it was all part of a ploy to prevent his daughter going horse mad? (v expensive)

Honestly he sounds really nasty but you should change stables for your son if he wants to continue.
This place sounds really half arsed and unprofessional.

Zaphodsotherhead · 02/01/2018 14:37

Redpony - and if you'd broken your arm? Or, as I once did falling off, both wrists?

liquidrevolution · 02/01/2018 14:39

And you are still with him??!!! The mind boggles frankly. Is he hung like a horse and an expert on cunnilingus?

genuinely Confused

Alisvolatpropiis · 02/01/2018 14:39

As a child I was a very experienced rider, from age 3-16. My pony threw me over it’s head once, when riding down a country lane when I was about 8. I did Indeed just pick myself up and get back on.

However - the op’s step daughter is a complete novice rider. The situation wasn’t funny, her dad’s reaction was appalling and the riding school teacher is clearly shit. I would make a complaint about her, even if the girls own father doesn’t care.

I’m much more wary of horses at 29. Beautiful animals but so big and they’re herd animals with a massive flight instinct. They can cause catastrophic injuries as a result. If that happened to my daughter, funny is the last thing I would find it.

Willow2017 · 02/01/2018 14:42

Does he laugh and take the mick out of adults who hurt themselves too or is it just kids who wont thump him talk back?

Spudlet · 02/01/2018 14:43

God, he sounds vile! I wouldn't want him within a mile of me or my child.

LadyLance · 02/01/2018 14:43

I've also worked as a riding instructor, and I don't think this situation should have been allowed to happen. I agree that complete beginners should be led or on the lunge, exactly to avoid this sort of situation, slowly being allowed to do more and more on their own until they can ride independently. I wonder if the OP's partner overstated his daughter's riding ability as well?

Even if the rider wasn't on the lead rein, it sounds like the horse was in trot for a while. A riding instructor in this situation should have grabbed hold of the horse and stopped it before it started to canter. If the horse had taken off suddenly, I'd be more sympathetic to the instructor. I disagree that it's acceptable for a beginner to fall off in this type of scenario- it's more common once they get to the stage of learning to canter/jump.

OP, I hope that you/DSD's dad filled in an accident book after this had happened and your DSD was looked after properly after the fall?

Anyway, regardless of the riding school, some parents do have odd reactions to their children falling off or being in danger- I think it's partly that they know there is nothing they can do to help the situation. However, your DP does sound like a bit of a twat- I bet he would have been terrified in that situation, and it sounds like your DSD could have used a lot more sympathy/reassurance from him.

Lindy2 · 02/01/2018 14:45

My daughter has SEN and when she was younger would laugh inappropriately. She's 9 now and although at times she still lacks the skill of empathy for other people's emotions, she has now learned that seeing others fall or hurt themselves is not funny and the correct thing to do is to try and help and to ask if they are ok. Thankfully she is starting to feel natural concern rather than it just being a taught response. Is there any SEN/ADHD/ASD or similar with your partner that might cause him to laugh? Situations he has not learned to respond appropriately to?
If there is nothing like that I would be pretty angry too. It sounds very scary and I'm glad your DSD is ok. In our family it might be something we would giggle about togethr afterwards but only once we knew everyone was ok and only when the person who fell off was happy to see the funny side too. When he was laughing the situation was far from funny and the outcome unknown.
I'd also not be happy with that school. A complete novice child pupil should not be put in that situation.

MammaTJ · 02/01/2018 14:47

Those reactions to children being hurt and genuinely upset are not normal reactions!

StubbleTurnips · 02/01/2018 14:48

Agree with others posting - it would put me off. DD is 5 and rides, she's fallen off twice (dismount both times Hmm ), and has been stamped on. She jumps straight back on, we laugh at home - but at the time my stomach goes through my knees with fear that she's broken something.

Jux · 02/01/2018 14:49

I fell off a horse at my first riding lesson. My foot was stuck in the stirrup so I was dragged about for a bit and my trousers split. It was v embarrassing and - according to everyone - very funny. Once I got free I was put straight back on the horse.

It was OK, and I can ride but can’t afford to. Sounds like your dd isn’t cut out for it.

foodiefil · 02/01/2018 14:51

That will have been absolutely petrifying. Her father is a fucking moron.

monkeywithacowface · 02/01/2018 14:57

God based on your OP and you're update he sounds like an absolute moron. Honestly that kind of thing will irritate the shit out of you forever if you stay with him.

Redpony1 · 02/01/2018 14:58

Redpony - and if you'd broken your arm? Or, as I once did falling off, both wrists?

If i didn't raise my arm she would come to me. Simple! I used to back and compete very high spirited competition bred ponies from a young age, falling was just part of the high jinx on occasion. A loose pony is far more dangerous and catching it was than cooing over me when i took a little tumble, so if i gave the signal, she went and caught the pony. I didn't actually break any bones until i was 19, when i broke 4 vertebrates breaking a pony in that turned out to have a brain tumour.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 02/01/2018 15:02

The cycle accident, and the horse riding one could both have resulted in life-altering injuries.

There is a Times journalist who broke her back, and is now paralysed and in a wheelchair - that could easily have happen d to this man’s dd.

He is a total twat, and I would not wish to be with such a vile specimen.

Emmasmum2013 · 02/01/2018 15:03

Whats the situation with him? Are you living together? Could you easily ask him to leave? If so, I definitely would. And to be honest, I'd try and get out of it even if its not going to be easy
I genuinely feel sorry for his DD :(

Bowerbird5 · 02/01/2018 15:04

I' d like to put him on a nice, big horse and give a good whack on the rump! Has he ever been on? Some times people react by laughing but in this situation it changed more slowly and he should have been concerned.
What did the instructor say afterwards. In that situation I would have tried to grab the horse and as it seemed to trot around for awhile I would have jumped onto one of the other ponies and grabbed it. It doesn't sound suitable for a first ride. Usually children are lead, then on the lunge for about six lessons before riding on their own that way they learn what controls the horse without having to worry about it. If you can take her somewhere else and get her back on or she will be frightened forever.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 02/01/2018 15:06

His reaction is seriously off.
He lacks empathy and doesn't even seem to understand how off his reaction is when you pulled him up on it.
I wouldn't want anything to do with him again, tbh - he sounds awful.

His poor DD - that would have been pretty scary, having the horse racing past her and not daring to move in case it knocked her flying again, or trod on her.

I have to agree though that the riding place doesn't sound very good. :(

LilaoftheGreenwood · 02/01/2018 15:10

Everyone who wants a medal for how astoundingly impressively cool they are about falling off horses - have one on me. Hmm

LadyLance · 02/01/2018 15:13

I think there's a difference between laughing at funny falls with the intention of making the rider feel better or encouraging them to get back on, and laughing at beginner who's been in a situation totally outside their comfort zone.

There have been times when I've fallen off and had a laugh about it, or laughed with others about an especially comedic moment once it's clear everyone is ok, but I don't actually think anything about this situation is funny.

Worried83 · 02/01/2018 15:13

He sounds like an absolute dick. I'd be telling him to jog on

Cambionome · 02/01/2018 15:13

God - he sounds absolutely awful.

What are you going to do about it, op?

Thedietstartsnow · 02/01/2018 15:16

Well if he's like this with his own daughter,it dosnt bode well for your son

AnnieAnoniMouse · 02/01/2018 15:16

Why are you still with this complete fuckwit?

I’d tell him to fuck right off out of my life.

I’d tell his DD that this is not her fault, but that her Dad just isn’t the right person for you. That he was very wrong to laugh at her like that then tell her off for pointing out the obvious. Then I’d call her Mum & tell her what happened. Let her know you’re leaving the twonk & hope her DD understands it’s not her ‘fault’. I’m sure she will understand.