DP laughed at his DD falling off horse

[StubbyNosedCreatures]

I've been really put off DP.

Took his DD (12) and my DS (9) horse riding. Neither had done it before and were in a class of around 6. So the class starts and the horses plod around the school like they do then his DDs horse starts trotting and starts getting rather fast. She wasn't supposed to be trotting at this point, the horse had just decided to spice things up a bit. The instructor shouted instructions at her about slowing down the horse but she didn't have a clue what to do. The trot got faster and faster until instructor starts shouting to pull back on the reigns otherwise the horse would break into a canter. DSD looks visibly terrified. DP is creased up laughing. Nobody else is laughing. All of the other horses had stopped still at this point and all attention was on DSD and this crazy horse. Then inevitably the horse breaks into a canter and starts flying around the school in circles getting faster and faster. Instructor gives up trying to get her to control it sndbjust shouts "hold on to the saddle! Don't panic!". Then DSD plummets to the ground. The horse continues to fly around on its own. DSD remains on the floor. Nobody knows if she's injured or not as nobody can get near her because the horse is still flying past every few seconds. I turn to DP expecting to have to reassure him and he's laughing so much he has tears rolling down his face. He saw my face and then choked through laughing "oh god is she ok?? Oh god hahaha".

Long story short, horse eventually gets bored of the carry on and brings itself into the centre of the room to signify that the class was over. DSD gets up. She's fine. DP laughs at her and said "why didn't you just get up??" So she screamed back at him "because there was a horse running past me every few seconds and I thought it was going to trample me!! Are you stupid?". He then tells her off for being cheeky.

It's really put me off him. He's. fuckwit isnt he?

Agree he is an arse.

Also agree that you should find a different riding school. Beginners should always be on a lead rein/lunge line until they have gained confidence. Most schools I’ve had experience with would insist on a private one-on-one lesson to begin with so that they can assess which class to put you in.

If she or your DS want to continue riding please look up an approved riding school in your area either via the BHS or ABRS.

He sounds like a disgusting excuse for a father and total man-child - has he been watching too many episodes of Jackass or something? His child could have been seriously injured or worse.

I remember when my nextdoor neighbour fell off her horse and she was an experienced rider - I remember her screaming in absolute agony as the paramedics put her on a stretcher to take her to hospital. And remember what happened to poor Christopher Reeve? He was thrown from a horse and ended up as a quadriplegic! If your DP is too juvenile to realise when his child is in genuine danger then he is an idiot and I'm not surprised you are having second thoughts about him.

there is a time and place for laughing and encouraging the child to get back on to a bike, horse, whatever.

IMO this was most definitely not one of them. The poor girl must have been terrified as it sounds like she had quite a while of being on the back of a completely out of control animal. She was then thrown off and then felt she couldnt' get up because of a huge animal and had no idea if she was going to be trampled on at any second.

I think it sounds an utterly awful ordeal for her. I hope she is ok.

Your dp sounds rather thick. And unkind. Just unbelievable.

what an arse! I'll be honest, i'd consider walking away from him at this point as shows total lack of empathy. At the very least, i'd be having a big conversation about how inappropriate it was and why he reacted as he did (clutching at straws here - was he unaware of the dangers?)

Riding school should have had leaders/helpers on hand when complete novices are on board - was the school aware that they had NEVER sat on a horse before? If so - out of order. I know novices fall off (very experienced rider myself, clearly remember falling off aged 3 - from a horse being led that spooked!) but complete beginners should be led or very very closely supervised/walked beside.

FWIW, whenever me or my sister fell off our horses, the first reaction was to laugh.

But we could ride.

A riding stables put 2 kids who had never ever ridden before on horses in a group without lead reins?

This never happened.

Oh dear, he sounds like my best friend in secondary school, who laughed out of nerves.

And remember what happened to poor Christopher Reeve?

I remember it very well, was so sad

My daughter is an experienced rider and for the first two years she was on a lunge lead. After riding for four years at aged 10 she was on a pony new to her that tried to topple her. She hung onto his neck and the RI spoke calmly and managed to run up and grab the reins. My heart was in my mouth I was so scared for her, as was her dad, even though she was very experienced. Your DP display showed a sociopathic reaction to someone he should care for. run for the hills.

I don’t think the stables sound poor, none of us really know the situation and anything (The girls dad laughing uproariously maybe?) could have set the horse off, also being panicked by a novice flapping about and falling off. That said, as the riding instructor upthread said, she should have been on a total plod (which most children find ‘boring’) or on a lead rein. The horse wouldn’t have trampled a rider on the ground. Cows trample/stampede, but horses won’t. I’ve stood in line of many a galloping herd and they’ve either swerved or stopped. I think the partner laughing is just a reaction in a slap stick kind of way. Yes, a bit inappropriate but some people can’t help themselves laughing when something dramatic is happening, it’s a coping mechanism in a way. Riding is dangerous, ponies are predictable - especially riding school ones who know exactly what to do with a novice on their backs. I should imagine that 99% of the time the horse fairly predictable but on this particular day something set it off. And yes, novices fall off all the time. They just don’t have the same balance and stickability that more experienced riders have. Generally, once you’ve fallen a far few times you get much better at grabbing onto manes, saddles, neck straps etc in a desperate attempt to stay on board.

Complete dickhead. I would be very put off too.

Hissy
Could easily happen some riding schools are crap i know from experience. My friends and i gave up on ours before someone got seriously hurt!

Thus us probably a bit controversial but I would be tempted to say something to DSD's mum, too.

What a fucking tit.
How come he's not with DsD's mum anymore? Was it because he's a manchild?

If he has some kind of nervous laughing problem, he'd be apologising and mortified afterwards.

But that's not the case as OP made clear. He had a go at his DD afterwards as well.

This would put me off him so much it would be a dealbreaker.

hes an arse. Horse riding is bloody dangerous, she could have been seriously hurt. I wouldn't want him looking after my child if I wasn't there.

The stables sound awful.

Presumably they were given basic instructions but she just went into panic/clinging on mode?

Can't believe he wasn't shouting to her to ascertain that she was OK, or the instructor wasn't advising her to get up-were they reassuring her at all?

Then for her dad to shout at her!

Thanks for replies. I'm at work at minute so can't be on too long but basically it's happened before. One time we were in the car and a young kid rode past on his bike, it jammed into something and he went flying over the handlebars, face first into the concrete. DP burst out laughing and then shouted "Ha Ha!" Like that bully kid from the simpsons.

Another time a little girl was running to catch up with her mum, tripped and went flying. She was crying hysterically and the mum picked her up and started brushing her off. Her trousers were ripped and DP burst out laughing and then did impressions of her falling. She was about 6 years old.

He's such a nob. I'm so angry. I have told him it was cruel to laugh and he replied "it was just the way it was flying around and her face! So funny! But no, you're right I shouldn't have laughed" (he says with a big grin).

I laugh nervously and, very very occasionally, at horrible, immediate situations I can do nothing about, because they seem so... out of control, somehow; they give me a weird sensation like I'm flying or high.

But that disappears as soon I can do anything; I'm back to Earth with a bump and fussing over everyone as normal.

And I think any adult who laughs at bad things outwith their control knows that it's potentially a problem for those around them, and not only would display some kind of discomfort with themselves afterwards, but certainly wouldn't have a go at anyone expecting them to understand that other people didn't experience the situation that way.

If someone's going to use "I laughed because it was so bad" as a defence, they can't then use "I didn't realise how bad you must be feeling" as a defence for not jumping straight in with sympathy as soon as the crisis has passed. Either you knew it was a bad, out-of-control situation, or you didn't.

There's an outside chance that he's basically an ok person, but has struggled with seeing other people's point of view his whole life and is defensive about it. But that's not for other people to dig around trying to figure out. And there's no way of knowing for sure whether it's the case or if he's just a psychopath and comfortable with that fact.

I would congratulate his daughter for standing up to him, tell her it's ok to demand basic compassion from everyone, including her father, even if they don't deliver. Then dump him.

If he's not a fuckwit in the sense of thinking it's fine to lack the understanding that other people are human beings with feelings, he's a fuckwit in the sense of not having put the work in to deal with that in a way that minimises its effect on those around him.

There isn't much practical difference, really, to anyone other than a therapist treating him.

Doesn't sound like the crime of the century to me but apparently I'm outnumbered
I agree!
Not much different to how my mum reacted when i fell off as a kid, didn't damage me We had a rule from when i was young, if i fell off and my pony got loose, i was to raise my arm to show i was conscience and mum would then go off and retrieve pony. i think i was about 7 or 8 when we started that rule and it was my idea! Falling off was never made out to be a big deal at all.

However, at a riding school i would expect novice's to be on the leadrein for a fair amount of time!

Sorry but he sounds like a total nob and if someone had dared to try and belittle one of my dds, by laughing at them when they were hurt, they would have regretted it.

But that's more in response to suggestions of nervous laughter.

It sounds, from your latest update, OP, like he probably is just a psychopath. He thinks he "shouldn't have laughed" because it's social convention not to. Not because he understands that it's wrong to for the sake of the person suffering.

His poor daughter.

Aww YANBU. It's always scary and a bit of a shock to fall off a horse for the first time. I wouldn't have been happy if I was laughed at!

I wouldn't go there again though, a first lesson and the horses didn't have leaders? Not good at all, each horse and rider should have had a handler and that horse certainly shouldn't have been used for novices, sounds like the instructor knew what the pony was like. Could have been dangerous.

Mamma you don't think a riding school putting complete beginners in a group lesson without leaders sounds poor? Really? You're also wrong about horses not trampling and it's their very nature to run in herds. I've been trampled by two of mine, one stood on my neck the other broke my arm. Yes, they'll try to avoid people if they can but they're not always successful and don't always want to. Op the person you should most angry at is the "instructor". There is no way a qualified instructor should have conducted a group novice lesson without leaders, it's just asking for chaos. Beginners have no balance and they can't steer, it's essential they have an extra pair of hands for safety. Sadly it's also pretty much inevitable that a panicking unstable novice will clench their legs which results in the scenario you described, it just should never happen to a complete beginner. You must check that a riding school is licensed, insured and uses qualified staff. Too many of them use some daft teenager who can stay on at canter but has naff all idea how to teach or run lessons safely. I'll admit I've laughed at my own kids coming off but I'm well experienced and properly qualified to assess the situation. I've also seen some horrific injuries sustained through falls, it's vital that proper safety measures are implemented in riding schools.

I suspected he was a bully from your OP, but your update confirms it. Is his twattish behaviour really only contained to laughing at hurt children, or is he awful in other areas too?

I couldn't relax around someone like him, knowing that if you fall and break a leg you'll have to wait for him to finish pissing himself before he can get you any help.

I'm surprised that the school didn't have all of a very beginner class on the lead. Never been to a riding school or worked at one where this didn't happen until at least three or four lessons in depending on how the rider was advancing/confidence/age. Odd set up.
With regards to the horse cantering off, this can happen even with very ploddy, safe horses. They are not machines and all have their off days. We had one that had taught beginners for around 18 years at a school we went to years ago. Absolutely brilliant pony, rarely put a hoof wrong, never bitten or kicked, bucked or bolted. One day he bucked off an 8 year old child, just like that. No precursor, no indication anything was wrong, child was sitting quietly, no weather issues. Pony was checked for pain, no problems. Sometimes they just have enough (like us all!). He was retired 6 months later to live out his life as a happy hacker in a family home.
Hope your SD is ok and not too scared. Poor girl! I'm not a mollycoddler, DD has fallen off plenty of times during competition and training and I've laughed at a few very obviously minor ones (falling off slowly into a huge muddy puddle was a classic where she was in hysterics too) but I can't say I've ever laughed my head off when DD has been visibly frightened!