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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask for friend's dog to not be around when we visit?

287 replies

pipnchops · 01/01/2018 22:13

3yo DD is absolutely petrified of dogs and we're planning an overnight stay with some old friends who have a very friendly but very large dog. Whenever they've come to visit us the dog stays with her parents. Would it be unreasonable if I asked them if her parents could look after the dog while we visit?

I would be inclined to think that maybe this is an opportunity for her to face her fear but we recently visited SIL and she has a tiny and very sweet dog and DD screamed whenever it came anywhere near her and was even distressed when she realised it was sleeping on someone's lap next to her.

OP posts:
CorbynsBumFlannel · 02/01/2018 20:06

Well I feel the op has accepted the invitation and the child can't be around dogs then there is an expectation that the dog will need to go.
The invitation should never have been accepted.

ShitWit · 02/01/2018 20:11

I was attacked by a Rottweiler when I was 18 by what was claimed to be a “friendly” family pet, and it tore my tutors face off, I had a fear of dogs from then and would detour an extra hour to avoid walking past one.
I knew my fear was my issue and I never expected anyone to accommodate my fears, facing fears is one thing but it needs to be faced at the pace of the person with the fear.. I had two dog owners take it upon themselves to fix me by letting their Rottweilers off leash to run and jump at me to “force you to face your fears” it was a cunty thing to do without telling me, I got flashback as the dog jumped towards my face and they told me it’s “friendly” I was a shaking mess and asked them to please get the dig off me and they kept telling me I had to face my fear and I’m embarrassed to say I pissed myself. It was almost as traumatic as the attack itself.

Facing fears is one thing but it needs to be done properly, I’m fine now, a bit wary around some large breeds, and when owners have no control and let their dogs jump at strangers, but I’m not phobic anymore, it took me a long time though and the twats who thought they got to decide for me really didn’t help and made me more afraid as I’d always feel,like they were gonna do it again without my consent.

I’d leave your dd with dh and you go see your friend and build up slowly to spending overnight with a dog. Would you going to see your friends in your own be an option? Or him be in back up to remove her from the homemade if either the dog or her becomes too upset? It sounds like your dd is going to take a while to be ok around digs and you may not have enough time to prepare her.

I’d send my dog, who I love very much, to spend a night with family if it meant someone feeling safe and relaxed when visiting me, but I’m saying that as someone who knows how it feels to be attacked, and also be forced to face fears when nowhere near ready.

Jigglytuff · 02/01/2018 21:01

I don't like anyone enough to send my dog away for the night I'm afraid. In much the same way as I wouldn't send my cats or children away. If that makes me unhinged, so be it.

Jigglytuff · 02/01/2018 21:05

As for the Aga man, I shut the dog away if I have tradespeople in and they don't like dogs. In the same way as I moved down the bus today when the woman I was about to sit behind asked me to because she's scared of dogs.

I'm not a complete cunt. I dunno - maybe if my parents lived within easy distance of my house, I might consider taking the dog there. But they don't so it's way too much hassle

CorbynsBumFlannel · 02/01/2018 21:06

Clearly you are unhinged as kicking your pets out for house guests is necessary to be considered sane Confused

Hatsoffdear · 02/01/2018 21:14

Depends our dog is family. She really is. No guests would Trump her right to be here. We have 5 kids.

The ops dd needs to be gently accustomed to dogs. Life skill like swimming or crossing the road.

Hatsoffdear · 02/01/2018 21:18

Tradespeople and delivery drivers are totally different. They are working with
you. You should accommadate them. It’s different

Guests are invited for pleasure and for us thrrr would be no pleasure without the dog

PompholyxOfUnknownOrigin · 02/01/2018 21:37

I hope people are reading the AIBU thread started this evening "My dog went nuts earlier and attacked..."

Wolfiefan · 02/01/2018 21:48

Yes. I've read that thread. The OP has yet to say if blood was actually drawn.
The dog likely has some kind of medical condition. Behaviour like that is extremely rare in a previously friendly family pet.

Willswife · 02/01/2018 21:49

There was also a thread about a 15 year old that broke his Mum's nose. It's not just dogs that can flip!

sparechange · 02/01/2018 21:51

pomphy

Have you also read on that thread that the dog was showing clear signs of being in pain for at least a day, which were ignored by the OP..?
It didn't suddenly flip without warning

PompholyxOfUnknownOrigin · 02/01/2018 22:03

There are plenty of replies on that thread describing dogs who suddenly attacked for no reason (and turned out to have brain tumours or Rage Syndrome). This just reinforces my intense dislike of dogs jumping on me and being allowed to do so by their owners.

Wolfiefan · 02/01/2018 22:04

No dog should be jumping on you.
But rare cases of dogs behaving in dangerous ways due to a brain tumour has nothing to do with that. Confused

PompholyxOfUnknownOrigin · 02/01/2018 22:06

How am I supposed to know whether the dogs that are allowed to jump on me just want to lick my face (yuck yuck yuck), stick their nose in my groin (ditto) or actually bite me in the throat? Can't dog owners understand how horrible this is?

BertrandRussell · 02/01/2018 22:17

"Guests are invited for pleasure and for us thrrr would be no pleasure without the dog"
So you can't have a pleasant evening without the dog? Fuck me-no cinema? No theatre? Do you take your dog to other people's houses? Never go on holiday?

sparechange · 02/01/2018 22:19

pomph
By the same logic, we should all avoid all other people because a tiny proportion have violent tendencies and attack without warning.

Sound logic indeed

Wolfiefan · 02/01/2018 22:22

Pomphlox. Only an arsehole would let their dog behave like that to a stranger. It's not up to you to know what the dog intends. It's for the owners to control them.
And yes. I'm a dog owner.

phoenix1973 · 02/01/2018 22:23

You need to stay somewhere else.
I am also scared of dogs.
I dont visit in laws because they have a dog.

PompholyxOfUnknownOrigin · 02/01/2018 22:26

Thanks Wolfiefan, you're a good dog owner.

CorbynsBumFlannel · 02/01/2018 22:26

Yea because obviously people who don't want to invite people to stay and send their pet off for the duration never go out because that's the same thing!

Wolfiefan · 02/01/2018 22:31

Pomphlox it's just good manners. I'm also teaching her to stand and wait when joggers or cyclists or horse riders come by. The law states that my dog can be reported if someone feels threatened by her. She doesn't have to do anything. For her safety and that of the general public I keep her under control.
Plus she's huge!

headintheproverbial · 02/01/2018 22:37

YABU and frankly are not helping your child. If this is not doable for her right now then don't go to stay. The answer is not to remove dogs.

Brigante9 · 02/01/2018 22:44

My lot are very friendly, but I absolutely accept that some people will nevertheless be scared of them. They are noisy, excitable, jump up and might accidentally scrape a leg. They’re springers, but the younger two can get their paws on my shoulders. However, I think asking a friend to remove/kennel the dog because they’re coming to stay is a bit crazy.

TheSmallClangerWhistlesAgain · 02/01/2018 23:13

People who have a problem with dogs do not come to my house. We have three (previously four).

I prefer to meet up elsewhere if the dogs are going to be a problem. They are all really nosy, so shutting them in another room or upstairs just makes them misbehave in a bid to attract attention.

PixieXox · 03/01/2018 00:17

Of course you are. Your DDs fear of dogs is not their problem and they are under no obligation to send their pet away for a night just for you. Stay somewhere else.