To be offended that another school mum has unfriended me on FB?

[monkeyblonde]

She's not a close friend, but all other mums are still on there. I'm a bit nervous about going back to school!

I shouldn't have made the 'men' comment but I've never seen males whispering in a corner of the playground and go quiet when you go near

Maybe this is because it's mostly women who do the school run?

Now I know why I've always preferred to work with/for men.

This is so naive. Men bitch/gossip as much as the women in my workplace.

My male boss is very senior and on at least £300kpa but can be unbelievably petty and stubborn and hold a grudge. I miss my female ex-boss from my old company!

OP can you clarify what you mean by when you say this woman is a bully? Is it because she unfriended you or because of something else?

"I think about others feelings too much at the risk of my own

The only people I've ever known say things like this are actually utterly self absorbed and only pretend to care more about other peoples feelings, they are far too focused on their own. They wouldn't say such a thing if they weren't,

Same thing has happened to me - defriended by a school mum, not someone I would call a friend at all but still I actually think it’s plain rude to defriend someone whose child is in the same class as your child. I don’t even like this woman and found her posts annoying but still wouldn’t have dreamed of defriending her as wouldn’t want to cause anyone at school offence. Even if you don’t much like a school mum after friending on fb, I think defriending is really off unless there is a serious reason.

but still I actually think it’s plain rude to defriend someone whose child is in the same class as your child. I don’t even like this woman and found her posts annoying

It's rude to defriend people who aren't your friend and who actively dislike you? What planet are you on?

I think defriending is really off unless there is a serious reason.

The operative phrase being "I think...". I mean different people are different. I know people who only have friends and family. People who have everyone. People who only have people they regularly talk to. It's just what people think. If we all had a copy of Debretts around to consult about this we could all think the same, but we don't.

OP the problem with thinking that you put other people's feelings above your own is that you tacitly expect everyone else to do the same. I'm fairly assertive while meeting the needs of others that I can. If they tell me. And I want to. If people do doe eyes and sigh, it puts my back up. You want something? Ask. You need something? Get that need met.

I also don't assume things are 'about me' all the time. People whispering and stopping talking? Maybe they have a personal issue, a bereavement, something sensitive and sad. I don't know. If it's about me? Meh. It doesn't actually matter.

OP, YANBU. A very similar thing happened to me recently. 2 of the mums unfriended me one the same day and there was a little moment. There has been some good advice here, head held up, tell no one she has unfriended you, and be true to yourself. Smile, nod and don’t get sucked in to any drama.

OP why is this woman a bully?

I deleted someone from school tonight and I’m wondering if it’s you!

but still I actually think it’s plain rude to defriend someone whose child is in the same class as your child. I don’t even like this woman and found her posts annoying

Wow, you live in a different world from me. Why on earth would you want to have someone that you don't like as a friend on FB ? Seriously.... you "find her posts annoying" - reason enough and...... you "dislike her"........ I mean, why would you want to have her as a FB friend?

I'm flabbergasted.

Curryworst I try to be kind to people. And like many people I have a number of fb friends who aren’t really true friends but are for instance school gate mums I chat to and get on with fine.

As per my post, there a difference between finding a school mum’s posts kind of annoying (in my case I didn’t love her terrible spelling) and actively disliking someone eg because they are horrible. If I found out she was horrible then, yeah, I would have defriended her. But I wouldn’t defriend someone I see five days a week at the school gates lightly, just for finding her spelling terrible, no. I wouldn’t want to hurt her feelings or risk any awkwardness. She clearly either has a reason to dislike me or maybe I posted something she found annoying and she just doesn't care about how I might feel.

I quite often defriend people on Facebook just to see if they write whiney posts on Mumsnet

I see that it has worked

You actually don't have to unfriend someone if you don't like their 'drivel'. You only need to unfollow them. I do that all the time if, for example, I don't like their politics or they fill my Facebook feed with adverts touting for business.

There are all sorts of reasons for unfriending people, most of them not for unkind reasons, just a cull of people that you don't really interact with. It's usually not personal. I don't generally notice for quite some time if I've been unfriended.

Whatever her reasons for unfriending you, as she's not someone you particularly like, I don't really understand why you're upset?

Fakebook is narcissistic & highly competetive in a bad way, anyway.

Oooh look at me on my holiday/ night out/ at the big game.... My smile is large cos Im having more fun than you. Look at these photos of my child who has achieved something amazing and I want the world to know- I put this photo on facebook even tho my teen daughter/son said Im dead if I post it cos I needed to boast about their amazing achievement today.

Maybe make a comitment to not take it seriously, or to stay off fakebook , or to just check very infrequently.

Why dont you just ask her why she's unfriended you?

Meh, nothing to get het up over. I’ve removed mums at school who’ve posted Britain’s first memes and shit like that I can’t tolerate, so they get unfriended, still smile and say hello in person but they’re not fb friends anymore due to their posting styles/content

its the first day of a new year, havent RTT, are you actually friends with her, if not shes probably just having a clean up of her friend list and removing people who are not actual friends

never mind just seen this

but still I actually think it’s plain rude to defriend someone whose child is in the same class as your child. I don’t even like this woman and found her posts annoying

she has maybe also realized you have nothing in common and the feeling is mutual so she has unfriended you. If she annoys you you could have done the same. I don't think its malicious, shes just cleaning up her friend list

just realized it wasn't the op posted the second comment, time for bed but i wouldn't worry about it if you haven't done anything, people remove and add people all the time especially at the start of a new year

I defriended someone recently. She posted a rant about "some fucking brat having a tantrum out shopping, why doesnt the mum just smack him hard and take him home and how she doesnt want to have to listen to that during her lunch break". I decided she wasnt a very nice person and I didnt want to have to read that shit.

All this angst over some woman Facebook spunked up as a "you might know". Have you ever even spoken to her IRL?

Do you ever post racist stuff on fb or retweet Britain first?? That's why I usually delete people...

OP can you explain why this woman is a bully? I'm assuming you mean for other reasons rather than unfriending you from Facebook?

The word bully is so overused and often inappropriately used that looking at someone the wrong way seems to provoke cries of bullying, which really detracts from genuine issues with real bullying. I work in a school and I see this all the time.

Really, this is what you're worried about? Gods. I wish this was all i had to be worried about.