To be offended that another school mum has unfriended me on FB?

[monkeyblonde]

She's not a close friend, but all other mums are still on there. I'm a bit nervous about going back to school!

I'd be feeling hurt by this too actually. What I'd do now though is act completely normally, say hi and bye at the school gates and completely ignore anything to do with Facebook. If she's one of 'those' she'll be adding you again in a few weeks when she's sat with you at a birthday party or your child and hers decide on a play date. Don't accept her!

Don't get drawn in to it. If you want to keep a FB profile then do, but if it genuinely bothers you about people dropping off and on your friends list, then why not keep it for very close friends and family only?

This.

Facebook is lovely for staying in touch with friends and family, especially if many live overseas. It's great for groups for special interests/shared issues, too. But it does seem a real source of anxiety if you use it for more than that. Pretty sure there is even research evidence that it can damage mental health if taken too seriously.

No judgement here, OP.
It's very normal to want to be liked . I do, too, but then sometimes I just open my mouth and put my foot right in it x

^ Why?

So you are keen to befriend a “bully” and are now worried because the “bully” has unfrended you. Sounds like desperate to please who you consider to be the “it” mum and be part of her crowd

act like you havent noticed

I thought the op wasn't talking about this women when she said about whispering in the playground???
Has she actually been unkind to you in rl op?

Don't know about the woman in question but there's some bullies on here. FFS where do some of you get off making someone feel like shit?

I can’t say I’d notice a School Mum unfriending me unless it was one that I’m actually friends with at which point I would know we had fallen out anyway. I would ask as if you hadn’t even realised unless you’ve been sharing some questionable things lately.

OP - this really is a very small issue and nothing to be concerned about at all.

Honestly, none of the other mums will be the slightest bit bothered, and the mum who has unfriended you will have probably forgotten by then anyway. You just smile and say hello, and carry on with your day.

She is only someone your child happens to go to school with. That's all you have in common - she's not an actual proper friend.

Some helpful advice here and to be honest most of which I had come to the same conclusions already.

I've never posted in AIBU before - I've needed more serious advice previously on other issues and barely received a response- this is obviously the place to post if you want it to be seen and acknowledged!

@MrsTerryPratchett totally agree, that was a bit of an off topic & odd thing to say regarding the preference of men's company

Actually, I can see where you are coming from OP.

Guess I am a self-confessed people pleaser too. And fact that other mothers are still on FB and presumably haven't had a status change, can leave you feeling left out and that is never a nice feeling.

On the other hand, consider-

Is there a rationale alternative explanation for this? Is she having a general clear out, as some have suggested. Could it have just been a mistake? As things stand, you have no way of knowing but are assuming the worst, and taking it personally.

Does it really matter? Are you overinvested in what some random school gate mum thinks?

School playgrounds can be great meeting places, or hellish dens of intrigue - depending on circumstances. But why do something that makes you feel bad? Limit the time you spend there. Quick drop off, quick collect, and spend the time doing something you enjoy, or engaging with (real) people that make you feel more positive.

Life is too short to waste it on FB fuelled petty intrigues. Take time off from it. You can always pick up again if you want to, and when you are in a better place. If you stay around people who engage in this (if she is) and who make you doubt yourself, and feel bad, it will only make you feel worse.

I get you OP. And I think some people commenting here are being a little harsh. I’d feel the same, unfriending just you from a whole group of mums imo is unkind if there has been no provocation from you. I understand people do have ‘culls’ or ‘clear outs’ and there are people that can become irrelevant over time, but it’s a sting when someone in your current circle does it to you. Even though you aren’t friends as such, I’d still be polite as others have said, make no reference to fb in front of her and I’d keep my interactions with her brief from now on. Just my opinion, but to save on this sort of shit down the line, I think people should be more mindful of who they are adding/accepting as friends in the first place.

Block her back.

@Potteryprincess30; sort of I know. But some of the people I hide on FB I hide because they post things I think are sexist or racist or otherwise offensive. If someone is happy to post something sexist on an online forum, they may well be posting memes and jokes that express that view on FB. I think sexism should be called out every time.

Sorry for the derail OP, it's much more likely she's just having a clear out. You sound nice but lots of people are just less bothered about FB or use it differently.

If your a people-pleaser or want to be liked by everyone... Facebook is not the place for you!

I don't have it and this sort of thing is one of the reasons why I don't. It's personally fare too much of a distraction from real issues (good and bad) and rubs salt in any anxiety wounds daily. Shudder... no thanks Facebook

It's ironic that you say men wouldn't be whispering in the playgroUnd; men would also not give a flying shit, or even notice, if someone unfriended them.

I know why I've always preferred to work with/for men.
I've never seen males whispering in a corner of the playground and go quiet when you go near
I'm not one to bitch about others

I'm not on FB myself, but I think I'd unfriend you, too.

I can see why your upset. You cant know her motives for sure but if she’s only un-friended you that does seem personal so of course that will hurt. After four kids I can’t be doing with the allof ones. They don’t get many first chances from me I don’t have the mental energy to guess their problems. It’s their problem, not mine.

School mums are a strange bunch to make friends. Mostly you have zero in common except your kids. There has always been at least one Mum who has never even spoken to me and refused and blanked every smile and ‘hello’ I offered. Very uncomfortable at every pick up after six years. After a year of being looked through I just could be polite and blanked her back.

I hate FB. To much to read into that’s not possibly even real. I always feel that some people are desperately trying to look perfect and agree it’s not good for you to feel like that. I haven’t logged on for two weeks and I’m happy to not log on again for a while.

Cheers guys. You know nothing about me.

I've never seen males whispering in a corner of the playground and go quiet when you go near

You think it's ok for women to do that then Pax? I'm surprised.

Ah, come on guys. OP has already said she is prob BU.

FWIW OP, I've found men less bitchy so you're not alone!

I have unfriended school mums; who are friends with me on Facebook but ignore me in real life.