AIBU to want my kids back??

[RoseNarene]

Just before Christmas my ex and I agreed at court to a child arrangement order whereby the kids (5 and 1) live with me roughly 65% of the time. The court order also stipulated Christmas arrangements as being shared 50/50, and were more specific for this Christmas - he was to have them from 9am Boxing Day and then I pick them up at 6pm on the 2nd January.

He has taken them to a holiday home in Wales and is demanding that I make the 5 hour journey to collect them on the 2nd. If I can't then he will bring them back on the 4th.

It may only seem like a couple of days but they have already been away from me for 7 days and my baby is only 1. This is all about control for him. He isn't technically breaking the court order because it says I have to collect them but it doesn't state a location, but we live 10 minutes from each other so the assumption would naturally be that I collect from his house.

What do I do?

On this occasion if you can you collect them. And then you go back to court and tie up every loose end he exploits.

You need to go back to court, that's a really shit arrangement for you. Get the this time, and then go back to court

Yup! Smile, confirm by text, go collect them then take him back to court and get his loose ends all tied up.

Rinse and repeat!

Yep, It’s only the first today and already he’s a strong contender for wanker of the year.
However as others have said, (if you can) just text back, no problem see you tomorrow at 6. And do it. Take the wind out of his sails and then get back to court and tied up.

Ps are you sure he’s in Wales or just saying it?

Yep, I agree, if at all possible, go and get them and then make sure it’s not possible for him to pull a stunt like this again.

I can't get them. It'll be a 10 hour round trip. It won't be safe.

Call his bluff and go and collect them. He sounds like a knob.

Stop off overnight at a premier inn? I'd go and get them

Have you got anyone who would be up for a road trip and could split the driving with you?

Collect them from there and make sure your lawyer speaks to his

Then you'll have to put up with it, this time.

Could you find a B+B local to his holiday home? Drive there, set out in the morning, make an extra holiday pout of it?

Either way, definitely get some form of written exchange and then use it to show a court the silly games he plays!

Can you head down early and spend a few hours there doing stuff with the kids then drive back later when they can have a nap? I'd be annoyed but I'd do it and make sure he doesn't think he's got the upperhand!

Yes you can, you can do more than you think you can!

What an asshat.
I have a controlling ex. This is exactly the kind of shit he would pull.

I would go and get them, because that suits me more then leaving them with him for another 2 days.

And definitely go back to court. All loopholes need to be secured!

Why is getting them unsafe? Do you mean the journey or that he'll be violent when you get there?

Why wouldn’t it be safe to go and get them?

Is it anywhere nice, you could enjoy a mini break there yourself. If he sees you enjoy it he won't bother again. Smile, say what a good idea!

She means 10 hours of driving wouldn't be safe

Go and get them.
Why won’t it be safe?

You can do it. I bet it’s him that knocked your confidence to think you can’t.

Set off early in the morning. Take lots of breaks in the day. Make it 5 little journeys not one big one.

Book a B and B for the evening and drive back the next day, stop as many times as you want.

Fuck him. Do it. We are all cheering you on.

Why won’t it be safe? Of course you can go and get them.

Can you stay somewhere cheap overnight? Ten hours of straight driving is tough and not advisable to do.

Can you ask a friend or family to come with you and share the driving?

I would go and get them and if I couldn't afford a hotel I'd tell him airily when I got there I had a lovely night in a posh spa hotel in Cardiff before I came to pick them up.

You have to make it look like you're not bothered if he's a prick and tighten up arrangements after.

I agree with tying up the loose ends in court. Rather than a battle when he decides to be awkward because you'll only get stressed out and he'll be gleeful. So either collect them by the 2nd or leave them till the 4th which is only two days more and then take action. Good idea about taking a friend but by the time you get there it will be time to go back. Personally I think I'd wait this time but would be determined to try and prevent it happening again.