AIBU to want my kids back??

[RoseNarene]

Just before Christmas my ex and I agreed at court to a child arrangement order whereby the kids (5 and 1) live with me roughly 65% of the time. The court order also stipulated Christmas arrangements as being shared 50/50, and were more specific for this Christmas - he was to have them from 9am Boxing Day and then I pick them up at 6pm on the 2nd January.

He has taken them to a holiday home in Wales and is demanding that I make the 5 hour journey to collect them on the 2nd. If I can't then he will bring them back on the 4th.

It may only seem like a couple of days but they have already been away from me for 7 days and my baby is only 1. This is all about control for him. He isn't technically breaking the court order because it says I have to collect them but it doesn't state a location, but we live 10 minutes from each other so the assumption would naturally be that I collect from his house.

What do I do?

It sounds like a really harsh arrangement as it stood and now he's trying to exploit it - totally unacceptable. Agree with the above - tell him you want a text or email from him confirming his demand in writing. You can use it in court or better still it might just bring him to his senses.

but hes not winning hes assuming
a) she will drive and it will cause her problems
b) she will put up and shut up, he can do what he like's

Don't do either, tell him he returns the kids as arranged to his house for collection, if he doesn't then he is breaking the order so op will have to go the legal route, consequences are his doing.

Its his problem, he has broken it.

OP has already explained that the court order says that she does the pick up. It also does not state where this should be from.

Of course this is an oversight and the presumed place would be his normal residence but without that stipulated he is not in breach of the court order.

He is out of order for trying this but the only way it can be sorted is to go back to court for an amendment to the original court order. Until then she either goes and licks then up or waits to 4th.

Then phone your solicitor first thing.

Go and get them, he’s in the wrong and being a controlling idiot.

Really crap situation for him to put you in then as presumably he knows you're struggling for money.

Defo send him a message saying that you cannot collect them because; it's not safe to drive 10 hours in one day, you can't afford the fuel or hotel. Tell him that anyone reasonable would realise the court order meant collection from Home address and clearly you will have to go back to court to get this clarified. Tell him you would like your children back and he's obviously planned this knowing he would be keeping them from you which isn't fair on either of you.

I really don't think the court order means op has to pick the kids up from anywhere he chooses even if it doesn't say so, its an oversight but he is going to look like the controlling arse he is if he doesn't come back or makes her drive to Wales

Have you replied yet OP?

seriously, another two days won’t make a huge difference and is better than you doing a 10 hour round trip!

He is being a wanker, and he knew this when he took the kids. Holiday homes get booked up well in advance for New Year, it is highly unlikely this was a "spur of the moment".
Phone your solicitor in the morning!

I'd text or email (i.e. in writing)

"Ex, what about if we meet halfway?"

then if he still says no, then

"Let's try and work something out, if not we'll have to go back to court and it will cost both of us time and money"

If he still says no then

"so to be straight, you are refusing to let me pick them up at our usual agreed location on the day you are meant to return them. Correct?"

Thank you everyone... I've managed to get advice from women's aid and the police, as well as my barrister from the original court order who I didn't imagine would be available today let alone offer me free advice.

She says the court order assumes the original collection place and that I can take him to court if he does not ensure the girls are at his home address. So I have told him.

The police are very interested in this as controlling and coercive behaviour.

Exactly Positivelyperf - with petrol and overnight stay it could easily cost £200 to pick the DCs up and that is money the OP doesn't have.

At the end of the day they are with a parent and presumably being looked after although obviously missing their DM.

Best to go down the solicitor route to try to get this sorted out.

Oh sorry cross posted - great update OP, fingers crossed for you.

Good for you op! Bet he'll be back with them sharpish.

OP - The Court Order is very clear and he needs to adhere to it. It would be made on the basis that you pick up the children from his home, not a 5 hour drive away

I would text him and say, 'Both children need to be ready for me collect them from your home @ 6pm tomorrow as per the Court Order

I'm just going to add one more voice reiterating this. Don't collect them in wales, don't let him see you are upset, just go to collect them as normal and if they aren't there contact your solicitor. You'd evidently married a manipulative dick, congratulations on getting rid of him. You need not to engage, and to be strong and clear about expecting him to stick to agreements.

Can a relative or friend share the journey with you? Or don't make a decision until you've spoken to someone in the morning.
It's shit OP but I'd do it to get them back. But you must talk to a solicitor about this, a baby of 1 being away from you for 7 days isn't right at all .

I agree with @Jacobsbread and @gamerchick

Good for you Rose, that will wipe the smile off his face, hopefully they will be back as arranged but please make sure you take someone with you to get them

Cross post. Well done OP.

Yes, he’s being a prick. Yes he’s being controlling, yes he assumes he’s going to win. I wish there was a way you could manage it, begging the petrol money even, as it sounds like this is going to set you up for a lifetime if co parenting hell where he pushes everything. Whilst many people assume, as probably the courts did, that pickup would be from his place- it’s not stated as such. He, or indeed she, could take the kids to America (exaggeration I realise) and demand pick up from there. He is not breaking the orders, he’s happy for her to pick up, and isn’t (allegedly) trying to withhold the children, but is doing it within the legal framework given, knowing that he’s going to win and she will not be able to do it. I agree that you will need to take this to court to have the point clarified. In this circumstance, either find the money (easier said than done) or accept that the kids won’t be back in time. And contact your solicitor ASAP and have all pick up and drop off locations clarified and documents, and use this to learn he’s still a controlling prick even when you’re no longe together. I’m sorry this has happened xx

Well done OP. This is deliberate manipulation and abusive behaviour on his part and you are absolutely right to be stepping on it hard.