AIBU to want my kids back??

[RoseNarene]

Just before Christmas my ex and I agreed at court to a child arrangement order whereby the kids (5 and 1) live with me roughly 65% of the time. The court order also stipulated Christmas arrangements as being shared 50/50, and were more specific for this Christmas - he was to have them from 9am Boxing Day and then I pick them up at 6pm on the 2nd January.

He has taken them to a holiday home in Wales and is demanding that I make the 5 hour journey to collect them on the 2nd. If I can't then he will bring them back on the 4th.

It may only seem like a couple of days but they have already been away from me for 7 days and my baby is only 1. This is all about control for him. He isn't technically breaking the court order because it says I have to collect them but it doesn't state a location, but we live 10 minutes from each other so the assumption would naturally be that I collect from his house.

What do I do?

And presumably you won't be able to take them till 6pm on the 2nd?

On this occasion I think you are better off letting it go and collect them when they are back - if he won't agree to come home early. He should not have booked a holiday that goes over his dates. Copy all the messages and go back to court, because this guy is going to have you jumping through hoops for years unless it can be explained to him that he doesn't get to play around with technicalities.

Get your lawyer to look over the agreement to see where things will have to be spelled out as if they were being explained to a snarky 10 year old.

Just utter controlling nastiness

What did he say? Is he going to bring her back?

*Thank you everyone... I've managed to get advice from women's aid and the police, as well as my barrister from the original court order who I didn't imagine would be available today let alone offer me free advice.

She says the court order assumes the original collection place and that I can take him to court if he does not ensure the girls are at his home address. So I have told him.

The police are very interested in this as controlling and coercive behaviour.*

Fuck me! Well done you!

Well done OP! What a dick he is! But you have done absolutely the right thing and shown him that he cannot muck you around - you have started as you mean to go on, go you!

Do not pick them up from Wales. It's ridiculously controlling and coercive that he is being like this. However, if you collect them from Wales you risk setting a precedent that you collect them from where he is.

He's trying to play clever and controlling. Getting the legal advice you have done is playing the game more clever than he is.

Even with the court order not specfiying collection point the judge will look very dimly on him pulling a stunt like this. Especially when he didn't mention the different pick up point he wanted until after he'd taken the children away.

Well done OP. He needs to understand from the get go that you will no longer be manipulated and that you will take this as far as it needs to go, should you have to.

Well done OP. He needs to understand from the get go that you will no longer be manipulated and that you will take this as far as it needs to go, should you have to.

What a fucking tosser. He is being so controlling. I too would refuse to do a 10 hour round trip. It's down to him to get them to where you are meant to collect them from. What's to stop him sodding off to Scotland or France and saying 'they are available at 6pm for collection - we are in Paris!'.

Glad you got some advice and hope he is now going to arrange to get them back to you on time.

Very well done OP.

The police are very interested in this as controlling and coercive behaviour

About bloody time this was taken seriously.

Well done OP! Do let us know how you get on!

I hope they're back with you tomorrow OP

He hasn't replied yet.

Before I told him what my barrister said, he changed the collection point from Wales to his parents house (over an hour away) because he is "a reasonable person who puts the girls interests first and isn't selfish like you". He has also demanded an apology for my selfish and unreasonable behaviour.

He is of course referring to disagreements in the past.

Worth noting that we split up because he cheated.

Good for you contacting both police and your solicitor , he sounds lovely ke an ass hat

Thank you everyone... I've managed to get advice from women's aid and the police, as well as my barrister from the original court order who I didn't imagine would be available today let alone offer me free advice.

She says the court order assumes the original collection place and that I can take him to court if he does not ensure the girls are at his home address. So I have told him.

The police are very interested in this as controlling and coercive behaviour

Fuck me! Well done you!

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Absofunkinlutely!! Well done for being proactive RoseNarene

I hope he sees sense and comes back tomorrow so you can pick the girls up as arranged. Keep us posted (((hugs)))

Like an ass hat ffs

ok rose.dont beat urself up.just send message to him and all the other team working with iy whats happened and howunahpy you are.and y you cant collect them.
what you've written and weve all seen through it then so will the powers that be.
don't you feel bad though ok.that another win for him.
we no yo uwoud give anything to get them.so just take it step by step from now to sort this.big hugs.
could you for your own heats sake ask to phone and talk to them?

Haha! Good for you OP. You’ve got him on the ropes and his knows it. Never apologise and never explain.

Go to collect the kids from his house tomorrow. If he's not there with them then call the police. Have a copy of the court order with you.

oo cross post.yay/
well done.look at you!you smasher you.
chin up then.your doing brilliantly.

Well done OP.. stand up for yourself and your kids..

Well done OP, but stick to your guns. As a previous poster suggested, you may set a precedent if you don't insist on collecting from his house. You don't want to end up with the wanker going to visit his parents and you having to collect from there every time.

.....of course he wasn’t being selfish when he cheated on you. His cock was.

Well done on seeking advice rose and not rising to the bait.

He obviously knows he's in the wrong with his change of tact and using the emotive "he's not unreasonable like you".

It's simple and he knows it. Collection 6pm at his house.

How come you do collection? Do you have to do all collection and pick ups?

Tell him you don't want to deal with him that's why there is a contact order in place, all he needs to do is take them and return them as arranged. Anything other than this you are not interested in and you certainly wont be apologising, goodbye.