AIBU to want my kids back??

[RoseNarene]

Just before Christmas my ex and I agreed at court to a child arrangement order whereby the kids (5 and 1) live with me roughly 65% of the time. The court order also stipulated Christmas arrangements as being shared 50/50, and were more specific for this Christmas - he was to have them from 9am Boxing Day and then I pick them up at 6pm on the 2nd January.

He has taken them to a holiday home in Wales and is demanding that I make the 5 hour journey to collect them on the 2nd. If I can't then he will bring them back on the 4th.

It may only seem like a couple of days but they have already been away from me for 7 days and my baby is only 1. This is all about control for him. He isn't technically breaking the court order because it says I have to collect them but it doesn't state a location, but we live 10 minutes from each other so the assumption would naturally be that I collect from his house.

What do I do?

Well done so far, op. I hope you get your children back soon, how awful. Your ex is really vile. I think you’re taking the right steps. The only thing would be I would try not to rock the boat until I had them back safe again. Then have the lawyers contact him. I’m not sure he should be able to have unsupervised custody of them the way he is behaving. I think he will cause more problems, I hope you can change it to supervised only for him.

You need to make the journey to his house to collect as it wouldn't surprise me if they are actually there and he is trying to make it look like you didn't turn up to collect them.

Well done, OP.

Excellent! Way to go Rose no messing about! Hopefully that will teach him that you won’t stand for him breaking the order, maybe he will think twice next time.

Well done Rose for keeping a cool head and the determined action you've taken. Glad you got hold of your barrister today. Hopefully he will just sulk and return the dcs back to his house for 6pm. If this is the first visit after the Court Order he hasn't wasted any time trying to hurt you some more.

Well done OP. And although it is always good to canvass opinions on here (some of which are perfectly sensible, others not so much) you did the right thing by contacting the proper authorities to get the correct advice.

I'd tell him that you're not interested in entering into a dialogue with him about anything except the collection of your children. Let him know you will be collecting them from his house at the allocated time.

Firstly, congratulations on getting this idiot out of your life. We'll don for speaking to the barrister - keep strong

Bloody fat cat lawyers, working for free on a bank holiday with no notice.

Glad things are moving in the right direction OP. Are you going to reply and decline to collect from his parents?

Don't make excuses, just handle it! Stay in a hotel the night before if you have to. Or leave first thing in the morning, pick them up, grab some lunch and head home. My mom and I recently drove 4 hours to a visitation. Paid our respects (30 mins) and drove right back. On my birthday. Just do what you have to do and handle it.

She says the court order assumes the original collection place and that I can take him to court if he does not ensure the girls are at his home address. So I have told him.

The police are very interested in this as controlling and coercive behaviour.

Well done, OP. I hope you also told him the police are interested in his behaviour as such, word for word.

RE-iterate you will be at his house at 6pm with the court order in hand. If he is not there with your DD, you will be contacting the police immediately.

I agree with this:

I would text him and say, 'Both children need to be ready for me collect them from your home @ 6pm tomorrow as per the Court Order.

He sounds like a complete and utter arsehole and I think I'd be keeping the police updated on his behavior as it is coercive and controlling. What a prick.

The court order says whoever is commencing contact does collection. It's usually not an issue as they can be picked up from school / nursery. But that all changes in the holidays of course. And yes this is the first holiday since the court order, and thus the first opportunity he's had to mess me around.

I try to stay strong but the thought of this happening time and time again is torturous. I've contacted the police about stuff he's said and done before but they've never taken any notice; it's all, yes this must be quite horrible for you but he hasn't actually broken any laws. They have had a quick word with him but that's it. Then it all starts all over again.

Just wait till the 4th. Then go back to court.

Sorry missed the 6pm collection time. Read the updates and sounds like you have somewhat of a compromise.. still sounds like a complete jerk though :(

I would tell him that you will be at his house at the agreed time, and that if your girls aren't there, you will be calling the police. Then add that you have in fact already contacted the police, and quote what they told you.

Hope it all works out op :)

Sorry when I clicked on this it was a one page thread didn't see the other five. Weird 🤦🏼‍♂️

He hasn't replied yet.

Before I told him what my barrister said, he changed the collection point from Wales to his parents house (over an hour away)

OP's got this. She's already told him it has to be his house, according to her barrister.

He's going to be fuming, OP. I agree that taking a friend with you to collect is wise.

You're handling this really well. Sorry he is being so impossible.

You know you can use a contact centre to exchange children? Just as a mutual collection point? If that is done, then you never actually have to see or talk to him, and the children aren't exposed to aggression/anger... and he has to stick to what is arranged, because there is an independent person there to deal with, rather than you.

Well done and keep strong [tea]

OP - you are being so brave and cool-headed. The way you have handled this so far is really impressive. Stay strong.