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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to want my kids back??

379 replies

RoseNarene · 01/01/2018 16:44

Just before Christmas my ex and I agreed at court to a child arrangement order whereby the kids (5 and 1) live with me roughly 65% of the time. The court order also stipulated Christmas arrangements as being shared 50/50, and were more specific for this Christmas - he was to have them from 9am Boxing Day and then I pick them up at 6pm on the 2nd January.

He has taken them to a holiday home in Wales and is demanding that I make the 5 hour journey to collect them on the 2nd. If I can't then he will bring them back on the 4th.

It may only seem like a couple of days but they have already been away from me for 7 days and my baby is only 1. This is all about control for him. He isn't technically breaking the court order because it says I have to collect them but it doesn't state a location, but we live 10 minutes from each other so the assumption would naturally be that I collect from his house.

What do I do?

OP posts:
kaytee87 · 01/01/2018 17:38

I'd collect them, I'd be in a state if my toddler was away from me for that length of time. Thanks

I'd collect them at 6pm, stay at a cheap hotel that night and drive home the next morning.

LostInShoebiz · 01/01/2018 17:39

Glitterfarts current recommendations are NOT as you say. Unless there are health/well being reasons then current guidelines in the Family Court are that overnights can begin immediately and contact should be little and often.

Maelstrop · 01/01/2018 17:39

Have you got a mate who could share the journey? What a wanker the guy is. No wonder he’s your ex.

juneybean · 01/01/2018 17:44

Jesus christ this forum. How is it 10 hours is safe but on another thread 7 hours is too much?!

NeedsAsockamnesty · 01/01/2018 17:45

lost

Little and often tends not to include overnights for under ones most that I see are an hour 3/4 times a week

MelonKnee · 01/01/2018 17:47

The court order also stipulated Christmas arrangements as being shared 50/50, and were more specific for this Christmas - he was to have them from 9am Boxing Day and then I pick them up at 6pm on the 2nd January

OP - The Court Order is very clear and he needs to adhere to it. It would be made on the basis that you pick up the children from his home, not a 5 hour drive away.

I would text him and say, 'Both children need to be ready for me collect them from your home @ 6pm tomorrow as per the Court Order.

gamerchick · 01/01/2018 17:50

Jesus christ this forum. How is it 10 hours is safe but on another thread 7 hours is too much?!

I hear twilight music often on here Grin

deckoff · 01/01/2018 17:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

honeyroar · 01/01/2018 17:52

DO NOT pretend that you're happy and can go out socialising with a friend, that's playing right into his hand if he ever needs to criticise you in court.

I'd ask him, in writing (text or email) if he can meet you a couple of hours into the journey, to reduce the amount of driving that you have to do and therefore make it safer for the children. Or alternatively could he go halves on you getting a hotel room for the children that night? Say you're really missing them and remind him it's your day. If he's negative and refuses to meet you half way I'd tell him if you can't find amicable solutions to things like this you're going to have to do it through the courts.

Gincision · 01/01/2018 17:53

Can you clarify with your solicitor first thing tomorrow morning? I too think this is likely to be breaching the court order. If not then I'd be driving to collect them and arrange a place to stay before driving back. But it may be he can be forced to return them.

Gemini69 · 01/01/2018 17:58

OP - The Court Order is very clear and he needs to adhere to it. It would be made on the basis that you pick up the children from his home, not a 5 hour drive away

I would text him and say, 'Both children need to be ready for me collect them from your home @ 6pm tomorrow as per the Court Order

THIS ... is what I would recommend too Flowers

diddl · 01/01/2018 17:58

You'd think that it wouldn't need stating that it was from his place of residence.

Unless he thinks that that doesn't apply in holiday when presumably the oldest isn't in school.

Gemini69 · 01/01/2018 17:59

remember OP.. he has actually... refused to return the Kids as per the Court Order.. Flowers

kateandme · 01/01/2018 18:01

is there anyone you can ring now.charities even you could get in touch with at this hour.on twitter.anything! to see if its actually meant to be you picking it up from his hometherefore he needs to bring them in order for the order to be followed.i cant believe such a loop whole could be ok as surely other nobs would be doing this agasint there ex's

rookiemere · 01/01/2018 18:01

YANBU, what a horrible man.

However a 10 hour round trip with a hotel stop is an expensive and stressful business. I'm not sure you'd be sticking it to him in any meaningful fashion by putting yourself through that.

I agree with those who say to contact your solicitor in the first instance to see if he is breaking the court order.

kateandme · 01/01/2018 18:04

if you really cant find a way to get to him.make it clear this isn't a choice and hes put you in a aunavoidable position and you will not put your kids in an unsafe postion with the lnog drive and that IS THAT ONLY REASON you wont be collecting but will go to the courts to make sure this doesn't happen again.
some part of him might then see wanring signs and agree to meet or bring them home.you can dream/wish/figers crossed this might happen.

Ilovetolurk · 01/01/2018 18:05

I agree - speak to your solicitor first thing. They may be able to speak to his solicitor about him playing silly beggats

All expense though. I would be saying to my solicitor how come the place of collection and drop off is not specified in the order? Looks like a big omission to me

FrivolouslyFancifulFannie · 01/01/2018 18:12

Dont go if you don't feel safe but leave an email or text trail to show the court what he has done and that you have contacted him but he has refused to return for you to collect from his house. He will make himself look like a controlling arse when you do go back to court

WineAndTiramisu · 01/01/2018 18:15

juneybean
Jesus christ this forum. How is it 10 hours is safe but on another thread 7 hours is too much?!

I thought the same!

PavlovaPlease · 01/01/2018 18:17

Send the message melon suggested

rainbowstardrops · 01/01/2018 18:18

I’d have to wipe the smug smile off his face and collect them.
I’d either drive the day before and stay overnight somewhere or I’d collect them and then stay over somewhere with them.
I definitely wouldn’t let him ‘win’.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 01/01/2018 18:20

Was he represented? If so, I’d consider calling his solicitor directly tomorrow and asking them to explain the terms of the order to him.

C0untDucku1a · 01/01/2018 18:21

I echo the others. Phone solicitors and check whether he is in breach of court order. Can the solicitor contact him and tell him court order states pick up from his home at 6pm? Failure to comply and he will be taken back to court...

Failing that i would most cerainly go and get them, then take him back to court. He is playing a game. Next time it might be Tenerife. I would take my dD with me to share deiving, or get a b&b and have a nice break away with them

Original poster
RoseNarene · 01/01/2018 18:22

I really can't do it. There's no one to come with me, I can barely afford the petrol, let alone the hotel.

OP posts:
PositivelyPERF · 01/01/2018 18:22

So many posters are assuming that OP can afford the fuel and an overnight stay. 😐 Is this the new Spa Day?

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