AIBU to think they were rude about my social faux pas?

[3loves]

We - MIL, FIL, DP, two DDs and me - went to a restaurant for lunch where they serve veggies for a starter as part of a set meal for kids. My girls don't eat them, so normally my DP and I do. On this particular day, I was heavily pregnant, very tired and very hungry. When the kids' starters were served (us grown ups hadn't ordered starters), I took the veggies off my younger daughter's plate and tucked in without thought. I was feeling weak, but trying to hide it, so nothing was on my mind except for feeding myself in that initial second. My MIL was sitting across from me while my DP and FIL were on the other end of the table opposite each other. My DP looks at me and nearly shouts at me 'Are you going to eat that' or something similar. And my FIL looks at me with these dagger eyes like I had knocked someone over to shove food in my mouth. I couldn't bear to look at my MIL, but no doubt she had the same look. I just froze. I don't think I even responded. I had clearly committed a fatal error of not sharing with my MIL, while DP and FIL shared my elder daughter's portion of veggies. FIL made a big deal of giving their bit to MIL. I felt mortified. They made me feel so embarrassed. There were additional looks and sarcastic comments during the meal as well. Now, AIBU at thinking this is ridiculous? I was a heavily pregnant, hungry woman who acted out of habit (when ILs are not there). If given a chance, I would have noticed two seconds into eating that I hadn't shared, laughed at my faux pas and apologised. And I think any other person (please do let me know your brutally honest MN thoughts on this too) would have laughed back - thought nothing of it - and turned down any offer, given I was a hungry pregnant woman taking food off my own daughter's plate in a meal we were paying for. Now I am breastfeeding, I am expecting the situation to arise again (or rather hear some reference to the previous occasion). What do I do then?

I wouldn't have expected the ils to eat your dc food. If you wanted to then that's fine!!

Me neither. if they say anything tell them 'pregnant woman eats food shocker - get over it!'

I dont actually think being pregnant is an excuse for rudeness tbh, no.

I think it’s weird that your IL’s would eat off your daughters plate TBH.
However if you were weak with hunger, why didn’t you order a starter??

They were ruder than you. They sound bonkers! And i can't see what you did is bad at all.

I dont actually think being pregnant is an excuse for rudeness tbh, no.

It isn't rude to eat your child's food when you are paying for the meal and you know they don't want it, no.

I honestly do not know what to say to that.

If your MIL wants some veg or anything in a restaurant, she should order it? They are beyond ridiculous. If my DH or another adult was emptying a shared platter of something (so specifically ordered for the 2 of us), I would just laugh that it was mine too, and order another one. I mean, that's what normal adults would do?

Just laugh about it, your IL are deranged.

Parents always get first dibs on their dcs uneaten food. Fact. If in law's wanted starters they should have ordered them.

Tell them to fuck off. Honestly.

Can't get my head around four adults sharing two kiddie portions of veg tbh

@ATeardropExplodes
I agree with you. I also think parents get dibs on the food and the ILs sound like hard work. Just saying all the referencing to "I was a hungry pregnant woman" etc, you see it a lot on MN, and I dont think pregnancy is an excuse for not thinking.

Can't get my head around four adults sharing two kiddie portions of veg tbh

Weird! Why did your DP overreact like that?

My DH might do that (with no pregnancy “excuse”!) and I might think huh, at least offer them around but if I said anything it’d be in a jokey fashion and I’d probably not bother.

That said, perhaps you’re feeling a bit over sensitive? Why didn’t you just laugh & offer some to MIL and apologise for acting out of habit?

Take the veggies, offer them generously to MIL with a saccharine-sweet smile & say "after you".
And order a starter for yourself - you deserve it if you're BF, sod it if the rest of the group don't want one!!

I don't think you were particularly rude, but then I don't think your dp saying 'are you going to eat those?' was particularly upsetting or offensive either.

Your fil was looking at you (big deal) and you don't know what your mil was doing because you weren't looking at her.

I don't know. To me it's a massive non-issue. 'Are you going to eat those?'. Response : 'yes, why?' or 'oh sorry didn't realise anyone else wanted some'.

I do think you bang on a bit about being pregnant and must surely surely be exaggerating a bit about being weak with hunger, otherwise you'd just have ordered a starter.

How do you know what your husband nearly shouted? Or do you mean he said that but didn't shout?

My children’s unwanted food is mine or Dh’s. In-laws can keep their mitts off.

You weren’t rude at all. They were.

I honestly don’t think I would have taken all of the veggies without first asking MIL if she wanted a carrot stick too.

But why didn’t you all order starters if you are all this hungry? Or just tell the staff the dcs don’t want a starter and just go to mains?

Why were you rude? They sound penny pinching. Never heard of sharing kids left overs with other adults. It’s not a thing.

Wierd Family you have there op.

Perhaps it was the way you went about it, it does sound rather rude immediately pouncing on your daughters VEGETABLES (I hate the word veggies, sorry) and wolfing them down without a thought.

You sound so focused on getting the food down that I doubt you would have noticed your faux pas and offered to share. Plus it reads as if you had already taken all the vegetables off your daughter's plate, did you put them onto a different plate or were you just forking them into your mouth?

If you were that hungry and will be whilst breastfeeding why not order another separate starter for you?

There's something wrong with your DP and his parents if this is still an issue.

You ate some food from your daughter's plate and didn't offer to share with your MIL.

Your DP, his father, and your other daughter were all three eating from one plate at the other end of the table?

Your DP shouted at you. His parents glared at you. The three of them harped on about it with sarcastic comments throughout the rest of the meal.

Since then enough time has passed for you to birth a brand new baby but the three of them are still thinking about you eating a child's portion of veg without sharing, and will be talking about it for the rest of eternity.

Your DP shouldn't have shouted at you in the first place, and if he brings it up again you need to tell him to stop being a dick.

If his parents bring it up again, tell them the same thing. If they won't stop, order them an extra plate of vegetables and tell them to get over themselves.

The three of them sound like hard work.

Is this the one slice of pepper and two of cucumber you get in pizza express? If so there's not much to fight over.
If your children don't want it, it's yours, not your ILs.

Your DH sounds like he is wary of getting on the wrong side of them.

Pregnant or not it would never occur to me that another person would want to share a childs portion of vegetables. Maybe it did come across as being rude to grab the plate and tuck in without a seconds thought but surely as family they know you .To be so shocked and to look at you with dagger eyes seems way over the top for such a slight indescretion .They were about to be fed themselves anyway so not as if you were feasting while they waited from crumbs from your plate. Are your ILs particularly Victorian in their outlook? I would probably have laughed at their reaction myself though.

And you all sound insanely greedy! You have an excuse though. They don’t

What children's 'veggie' starter was this? It must be amazing for four adults to desire it.