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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think they were rude about my social faux pas?

166 replies

3loves · 30/12/2017 14:13

We - MIL, FIL, DP, two DDs and me - went to a restaurant for lunch where they serve veggies for a starter as part of a set meal for kids. My girls don't eat them, so normally my DP and I do. On this particular day, I was heavily pregnant, very tired and very hungry. When the kids' starters were served (us grown ups hadn't ordered starters), I took the veggies off my younger daughter's plate and tucked in without thought. I was feeling weak, but trying to hide it, so nothing was on my mind except for feeding myself in that initial second. My MIL was sitting across from me while my DP and FIL were on the other end of the table opposite each other. My DP looks at me and nearly shouts at me 'Are you going to eat that' or something similar. And my FIL looks at me with these dagger eyes like I had knocked someone over to shove food in my mouth. I couldn't bear to look at my MIL, but no doubt she had the same look. I just froze. I don't think I even responded. I had clearly committed a fatal error of not sharing with my MIL, while DP and FIL shared my elder daughter's portion of veggies. FIL made a big deal of giving their bit to MIL. I felt mortified. They made me feel so embarrassed. There were additional looks and sarcastic comments during the meal as well. Now, AIBU at thinking this is ridiculous? I was a heavily pregnant, hungry woman who acted out of habit (when ILs are not there). If given a chance, I would have noticed two seconds into eating that I hadn't shared, laughed at my faux pas and apologised. And I think any other person (please do let me know your brutally honest MN thoughts on this too) would have laughed back - thought nothing of it - and turned down any offer, given I was a hungry pregnant woman taking food off my own daughter's plate in a meal we were paying for. Now I am breastfeeding, I am expecting the situation to arise again (or rather hear some reference to the previous occasion). What do I do then?

OP posts:
Original poster
3loves · 30/12/2017 16:11

Thank you all. Please no more comments. I want to be respectful and read all of your comments. Unless there is a way to close this thread? Again, many thanks.

OP posts:
category12 · 30/12/2017 16:11

It came with the kids meals.

RoseAndRose · 30/12/2017 16:12

It was rude not to offer the ;otherwise gong to be untouched) food to all,at the table. It's rude to just swoop on it yourself.

Being pregnant is no excuse for that omission.

If you wanted/needed a starter (ie something just for you, not something that goes into general sharing) then order one.

category12 · 30/12/2017 16:12

You can report it to MN and ask for it to be taken down.

Lweji · 30/12/2017 16:13

No, it was a starter for the kids meals.

OP, there is no way to close a thread. And it's madness to try and read all the comments that can possibly come and eventual slanging match about what those slices of vegetables were.
Just leave it. :)

Housewife2010 · 30/12/2017 16:18

I have two children and was no hungrier when I was pregnant or breastfeeding than I am normally.

QueenUnicorn · 30/12/2017 16:18

Lol, I wouldn't have thought to share and if MIL wanted it she should have asked or ordered one. It's really that easy.
It was your starter to do what you wanted with. :S

Cantuccit · 30/12/2017 16:22

It sounds like OP is going to brush this under the carpet and continue to be DH and ILs doormat.

Lweji · 30/12/2017 16:23

Start wearing a T-shirt with

"3loves doesn't share food"

Grin
AIBU to think they were rude about my social faux pas?
AcrossthePond55 · 30/12/2017 16:24

OP you can't lock a thread, but you can 'hide' it so it doesn't show up in your 'I'm on' or 'active' threads.

SaucyJack · 30/12/2017 16:28

I do get that Greensleeves.

But it's polite to just sit quietly and wait for the kids to finish their meals rather than diving face first to their food because you can't restrain yourself around such heady gastronomical delights as sliced cucumber and raw carrot.

Or if you can't manage that, then maybe just ask to have all the food served at the same time.

I dunno. I just can't imagine a group of adults going out to enjoy a nice meal, and then sulking over some crudités crudity.

LineysRunner · 30/12/2017 16:30

Shrug it off, love.

Eatalot · 30/12/2017 16:32

They sound batshit.

Some older generation seem to make a big deal out of the smallest things and go on. I assume you dp reaction was due to him knowing dps would be crazy over it.
When I was 2 I knocked over a glass of coke on the table at gps. No stains just had to be cleaned up. Gps went on about it so much my parent s threatened to leave(they lived 3hrs away and we were visiting for the weekend). Not only this but I had to have plastic cups till I was a teenager and the coke incident was brought up whenever I was near a drink!!! I was a freaking toddler.

GlitterGlue · 30/12/2017 16:36

They acted like dicks. Who goes that bat shit over a half a slice of carrot?

However, I always ask for children's starters to come with the main meals at places like pizza express if adults aren't eating starters. I'm not waiting an extra 30 mins for a child to faff about with a slice of cucumber when I'm famished.

WeAllHaveWings · 30/12/2017 16:37

Honestly, you were rude not being aware the IL's were there and automatically eating/not sharing/not offering, but we've all been there and done that.

A joking comment from your dh and a whoops sorry I was miles away from you and it should be the end of it. But it wasn't, you are either overly guilty feeling and sensitive, or, they are overly critical and reactive or a mixture of both.

We weren't there, you were and you know the people involved so only you can tell. Your dh should be able to give an unbiased opinion and support you if it is brought up again in an attempt to make you feel bad as that is unnecessarily.

I am expecting the situation to arise again, why would it arise again now you know you were rude and would be aware not to do it again? If this is a regular trait of yours this might be the reason they over reacted.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 30/12/2017 16:42

I just know that vegetables wouldn't have done it for me, OP so kudos on your healthy eating. When I was pregnant we called into the chip shop for a jumbo sausage for me on the way to the restaurant because I wanted it then and there... Blush

Redglitter · 30/12/2017 16:43

You can report it to MN and ask for it to be taken down

There's no grounds for it to be taken down

Love this trend of Ops thinking they can in effect shut down their threads

Zatsuma · 30/12/2017 16:44

If people can't afford a starter there Greensleeves they should go to another restaurant or not eat out at all. It's ridiculous and not terribly good value

Zatsuma · 30/12/2017 16:46

You can report it to MN and ask for it to be taken down

There's no grounds for it to be taken down

The OP just needs to explain she has been recognised in real life, and her privacy is at risk Grin... It doesn't take that long to read all the comments and catch up though

category12 · 30/12/2017 16:50

There's no grounds for it to be taken down

She can ask.

Lweji · 30/12/2017 16:52

We might soon have a thread asking
"AIBU to think that DIL should have shared her child's greens with me?"

NeverTwerkNaked · 30/12/2017 17:00

Your IL sound utterly ridiculous OP!! You did nothing wrong. They have serious issues if they throw tantrums over a few slices of cucumber. The only faux pas was theirs for turning this into any kind of issue. Anyone with any class wouldn’t have mentioned it at the time let alone after the event!

In future though, order a starter Smile ideally something your IL don’t even like!

RainyApril · 30/12/2017 17:40

Who threw a tantrum?

OP's dh said ('nearly shouted') 'are you going to eat that?'

The il's didn't say or do anything.

Beggars belief what some folk get worked up about imo.

Northernparent68 · 30/12/2017 17:49

It’s a storm in a teacup, maybe your in laws thought it odd you took your children’s food rather than expected you to share it. Perhaps it’s time to stop eating off other people’s plates.

CorbynsBumFlannel · 30/12/2017 17:50

I doubt fil thought it was odd if he was tucking in himself.

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